Here’s the backstory. I just left the Kroger around the block from my apartment. It’s currently 11:38pm. I went there to get some fruit and something to drink before sitting down to get some writing done tonight.
As I walk into the store headed to the organic/natural section, this young lady is heading in my direction. She pauses for a moment and looks to her right at some paleo products and various nut assortments as if to give me a moment to initiate some verbal interaction.
What’s a man to do in this situation? An attractive lady innocently crosses his path. He didn’t summon her, didn’t go looking for her. He left his home with the good intention of going to get a healthy snack/beverage while he makes good use of a quiet evening.
What does he do? He walks on by like he never noticed her. Would it hurt to speak? Probably not. Sometimes, I will speak to a lady in passing when I’m out and about, but it’s no different than when I see a man and speak to him. It’s cordial.
What’s the point of all this? There are certain precautions I take to maintain the integrity of my relationship–and you should too.
Here’s a short honor quiz that will address some common instances where men get themselves in unnecessary trouble “innocently.”
1. When you’re out alone and an attractive woman, who’s not your attractive woman, crosses your path within striking distance, what do you do? There are only two possible responses.
(a) say hello as you walk on by
(b) walk on by like I did
2. While out for lunch, you’re waiting in line to pay for your food. The lady behind you strikes up an innocent conversation. In just those few minutes, you find that you have quite a few things in common. She’s from your hometown. You’re both from the same part of town. She just recently moved to town and doesn’t know anybody. After paying for your food, do you…
(a) exchange numbers because she’s new in town and doesn’t know anyone
(b) say “it was nice talking to you” and be on your way
3. You’re in a committed relationship. That position is already filled. However, friendship is no violation or infringement on your commitment to your girlfriend, right? It’s perfectly alright to establish casual relationships/friendships with other women.
4. Your buddy invites you out to a spot where single ladies are known to frequent. He’s currently single, but you’re not. Do you…
(a) decide to go with him because you’ve mastered the ancient art of dancing under water and not getting wet as well as taking fire on your chest and not getting burned.
(b) tell him to have a good time without you
5. A woman inboxes you on social media to say she likes something you shared on your page. She then asks you to tell her about yourself. Do you…
(a) begin to unfold the mystery of you to her as though you were being interviewed by Oprah in front of millions of adoring fans
(b) kindly tell her that you’re in a committed relationship with a wonderful woman who you love and that a beautiful story is being written , detailing every day that you two make the daily choice to honor your commitment to one another in both the words you say to each other as well as the behaviors you maintain that are the fulfillment of those words…
While there is no “wrong” answer to these questions, the “best” answer to these questions should be option “B. ” But why should any man have to go through all of this?
Taking option “A” is not cheating nor does it make you dishonest. Being friendly isn’t a violation of your vows. But what I’ve described above in the “B” options is the best way a man can make his woman feel secure in his love.
And no man who truly loves his woman should have a problem doing this and more. These actions will provide necessary comfort to your significant other, particularly if she has had past relationships, in which an abuse of trusts left her wounded and scared. Love will heal when properly administered.
When you make steps to avoid any of these murky situations, you demonstrate your total love and commitment to her. Here are my closing words of instruction and encouragement for the brave men who choose to love and be faithful to the women in their lives.
1. Be a man of your word. Show her that she can trust you.
2. Do not abuse her trust. Don’t give her reasons to not trust you.
3. Do not place other women above her or even on par with her. Make her know that she has a place with you that no other woman has.
4. Be considerate of her insecurities. Although you didn’t cause them, you can be there for her to walk with her as she overcomes them. At times it will be rough, but stay the course. It gets easier.
5. Above all else, pray and ask for wisdom to properly love her as she needs to be loved. Sometimes, she may not be able to even communicate what she needs, but He will know.
BMWK, do you agree? What actions do you take to avoid murky situations?