BMWK family, I don’t always get personal about my marriage because as much as possible I try to write while keeping our business out of the street. However, today I need to speak on a debate that has been simmering in my home: my husband’s vasectomy, or more accurately, the vasectomy that he refuses to get.
Now, in actuality, he has never openly refused. He agreed to it after the birth of our son. That son will be seven years old in October. Seven years, and one more son later and I’m still waiting.
My husband has given me every possible excuse that exists for why it hasn’t happened yet. From I need foot surgery first (which he hasn’t gotten in seven years) to I haven’t had time to find out how much it costs (I repeat…in seven years).
Are you willing to compromise but not completely give in…click here
I know that I could just get my tubes tied. But I am willing to admit that I’m maybe having a moment of due selfishness. I’ve carried three babies, and the last one was an-over-eight-pounder. Through it all I’ve gained and lost probably my own body weight two times over, and my last pregnancy threw me into heart failure.
I am grateful for being able to have healthy babies, but all of the poking and prodding and lying on tables and stretch marks and such has been under my purview. So after all of that, why can’t I be given the gift of him getting a minor snip?
Now that I’m done whining, I’m going to outline a few reasons why, if you don’t want any more babies, men, you should get a vasectomy:
Your sex life will improve exponentially when you don’t have to worry about the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy.
I’ve heard that the word “vasectomy” translated into another language means Freedom!! Don’t quote me on that, but what would it be like to know that all of the sex can happen as often as possible with no worries of the pitter patter of little feet? I have yet to experience this (see above), but I can only imagine the awesomeness.
The procedure is more difficult for women
Take a look at this handy, dandy chart if you want to see an actual breakdown of the difference between a tubal ligation (tubes tied) and a vasectomy. A tubal ligation can be up to ten times as expensive, requires at least double the downtime, carries much more risk and is a lot more likely to fail. Why spend more money and take more chances than you need to?
Why Not?
No, really. Why not? If you know that you don’t want any more children, what is your reasoning for not wanting to make sure that it never happens again? I need answers!
Husbands, would you consider a vasectomy? Why or why not? What do you think wives? Should permanent birth control be the husband’s responsibility?
I hear what you’re saying butoyou don’t tell women how to do this. If I ask him to do something for me or be somewhere for me, and he dawdles or hhhmmms n haws, then in my mind he doesn’t want me to need him. If I ask again, I’m nagging. If I insist it gets done right now, because I’ve asked more than 2x, I’m bossy and demanding. If I do it myself, I’m undermining his manhood. If I stop asking, I’m proving I don’t need him. If I sweet talk or incentivize, I’m manipulative and disingenuous, a fake. But, we’re told we’re to be direct and say what we want. When we’re direct, we’re bossy, demanding, mothering, impatient, not fun or go w the flow…..but we’re supposed to be soft and cuddly all the time. Not sure how this system is supposed to work. Can I get a script?
I totally agree. My wife had our 3 daughters and I love all of themto no end but was tired of seeing how tough a pregnancy treated my wifes body. She never complained about having our kids or asked me to do it but I felt like it was the least I could do after seeing her go through that process several times, she had sacrificeded so much of herself and her body to birth our daughters, it was now my time to make a sacrifice. I could not take her giing through another pregnancy. Once I did it I had no regrets!
I had a vasectomy after my daughter was born which was me and my wife’s second child. I have no regrets in the decision. The sex is great once you know you’re not able to get your wife pregnant again. I would do it again and also recommend it as well.
This is FRIGHTENING reading this; as its as if I wrote it MYSELF!!!!!! Same issues over here!!! We had our fourth child, 2nd “oops baby” just 3 months ago. When we learned we were pregnant, we both knew this HAD to be the last child! I told my husband, should, for whatever reason, I would need a c-section, I would have my tubes tied during that time- ONLY since it could be simultaneously. But let him know, should I deliver vaginally, that I would NOT be scheduling a tubal ligation for a later date. I suffered gestational diabetes with the last two pregnancies and severe back pain and fatigue with the last. I told Husby the same thing- that my body gone thru enough. He said, “HELL NO!!”….explaining, “im not about to have my ‘man’ cut on!” He says “women were ‘made’ to bear children!!” Needless to say, I was DISGUSTED!!! I couldn’t seem to make him understand that it would make more sense for HIM to do this versus ME, waiting to heal from giving birth and turning RIGHT back around and be “out” again, when he would heal in 23hours!!!!! Fast forward 8 months, I went into premature labor and gave birth 5wks early to our first son, VAGINALLY!! When asked at discharge, what our birth control plans were, I said “hes getting a vasectomy, whether he knows it or not”….we nearly started arguing right in front of the nurse! Lol … 1 week after discharge, I was readmitted to the hospital with severe anemia and posteclampsia (high blood pressure) …I was so anemic that it threw me into heart failure…Talk about SCARY!!! Husby didnt leave my side. He apologized for not realizimg the toll the pregnancies abd childbirths had taken on my body- and agreed to get the procedure- this was at the hospital bedside. Well he changed his mind, it seems as soon as we got home!! Lol ….Its been 3 months and neither of us have really mentioned it, but thanks to this article, guess who will be discussing it tomorrow after I make his appointment?!? Lol …
At this point, he doesn’t have a choice! I refuse to 2 more “opps babies” and 7yrs in like you!! Lol (though I believe babies are our God-sent blessings!) ….
I just think they need reassuring (perhaps from a professional or a man who has had it) that they will NOT lose their ‘man’ or libido ….
My husband had a vasectomy very easy process took less than an hour at the doctors office took exactly one day for recovery he was just a little tender for about a week after that no worries sex is better and I don’t have to worry about getting free apps and more blood tests having my blood pressure go up and possibly dying on the operating table.
Sorry folks that was supposed to say no pre-op