By:  Radesha “Desh” Dixon

Sex is a natural part of human life.  We don’t have to deny it and we shouldn’t feel ashamed to talk about it.  As women, we’ve been so conditioned to think a certain way and act a certain way to be labeled as a ‘lady’ or a ‘good woman’ to ensure that we fit into society’s ideals of us.  And while I do believe that there are different classes of women, a woman should be free to say what’s on her mind without judgment in regards to sex, get her needs met, and live her life on her terms.

Even though I’m somewhat old school, it’s evident that times have changed and I think many would agree that the dating scene has changed.  I love that women have become more sexually liberated and less concerned about the societal judgment placed on them and not men.  In other words, the double standard.

Nonetheless, many women still desire to be married and have a family or desire a long-term committed relationship including myself.  Rightfully so.  But Queens… we have to be honest with ourselves about what some of us are doing.  We can’t complain about no good men and dead beat dads when we’re not making better decisions about who we choose to lay down with.  It’s a choice.  God blessed us with intuition.

With that being said, as you get older and mature, I would hope that you have learned some life lessons, grown to love yourself, honor yourself and recognize your worth as the Queen you are.  When we know better, we should do better.

So to minimize any increase in statistics about kids being born out of wedlock and random/casual flings (which likely leads to more broken homes) and the possible baggage that comes with it, I suggest that you look beyond the surface and short-term gratification and think about if he’s truly worthy of going to that intimate level with.  So when it comes to being romantically involved with a man, here are a few things to consider beforehand:

Does he see you as someone long term? Can you see yourself with him long term? 

I understand that everyone is not looking for something long term.  Friends with benefits and situationships seem to have become fairly common.  However, if you have sex with him and there’s an oops (unplanned pregnancy), are you prepared to possibly become a single mother?  Are you mentally and emotionally prepared to have to even consider whether you want to keep it or not?  There is no judgment.  But these are things to consider.

Before getting physical, let’s think about whether you and this man are on the same page about your level of commitment to each other.  Do you want to be involved with a man who may not see you as long term or you don’t see him as long term and there’s an oops?  Let’s hope not.

What do you know about him? Is he responsible in his own life?

I have heard of women that are involved with men who don’t know where he works or where he lives.  If you’re going to be intimate with a man, I think you should know some basic information about him.  If the man’s life is out of whack and he’s all over the place, he’s not stable.  Would you really want to be linked to someone like this?  How is he leading in his own life?  If he cannot take care of himself, he won’t be able to take care of you and a child.  Kids costs.  They also require time and energy.  Is he the father figure you’d choose when he isn’t responsible in his own life?  I hope not.

Do you want to add this soul tie to you?

When we are intimate with someone, there is an exchange.  You are taking on everything from him as he’s taking on everything from you.  Just as Candice Benbow states, “When you engage in sexual activity, you receive the spirit (or soul) of your partner.  Not only that, you also carry the spirits of your partner’s previous partners and their previous partners.”  Is he someone that you want to be energetically and spiritually connected with?  Sex was sacred at some point in time.  If we view it as something sacred to be shared with only someone truly worthy of it, then we’re likely to choose better.  And we will save ourselves a lot of headache.

Queens, please protect yourself.  Sex is a natural part of life.  We don’t have to act like it’s a bad thing.  But just because you may be horny doesn’t mean you have to act on it.  Before you lay down with a man, consider the things mentioned above.  And let’s not forget about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).  Many kids are being born from random sexcapades and that’s something in our control.

We should be mindful of who we’re involving ourselves with so we can have healthy relationships and provide examples of healthy relationships for future generations to come.  Some of you have princesses (daughters) already and they’re watching you.  They’re likely to follow what you do.  So as much you want them to ‘do as you say and not as you do’, it’s highly likely they’re going to mimic what you actually do.  So let’s be positive examples for future Queens to come.

About the Author: Radesha “Desh” Dixon is the Author of “No More Broken Records: 5 Tips To Change Your Tune and Transform Your Life” and Queens Don’t Settle: A Book of Poems To Empower Women, both available on Amazon. She is the Creator and Founder of No More Broken Records™, a movement to empower women not to settle. She was featured on the Huffington Post. Visit her website at https://www.dreamencourager.com/. You can connect with her on Facebook and Instagram. For a FREE chapter of her book, go to https://www.changingyourtune.com/.