“Marriage is just a piece of paper anyway.” This is part of one of the many responses I received to an article I wrote last week entitled “Three People Who Don’t Respect Marriage.” There were a plethora of different responses to this article, but there was one reoccurring theme that continues to tug at me. It’s this theme of marriage being “just a piece of paper.” Let’s talk about it.
1) “Dearly beloved we are gathered here today in the sight of God and angels to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony. The Bible teaches that marriage is to be a permanent relationship of one man and one woman freely and totally committed to each other…. and the two shall become one flesh.”
Yup underneath the fancy weddings, nice tuxedos, and brides maids dresses this is what most traditional wedding vows begin with, and on that day most people mean every word of it and plan to honor that commitment from that day forward. This is why it tugs at me when people diminish the covenant of marriage to “just a piece of paper.” What’s amazing to me is that it’s only diminished to that when people are on the outs or if they are looking for a reason to justify disrespecting someone else’s marriage. When people are happy then it’s a covenant under God not to be broken or disrespected, but when they are unhappy it’s just a piece of paper. That sounds really convenient doesn’t it?!
2) “I take you to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or worse. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”
Now that’s what I call a PROMISE and a COMMITMENT. That’s what you looked in each other’s eyes and said. This meant that you knew that sometimes things might get rough and hard, but you made a VOW that you wouldn’t bail out because he left his dirty underwear on the floor or because she didn’t make dinner last night. You vowed that if he got laid off or if she was too tired to have sex with you last night that you would find a way to work it out because your covenant meant something. I don’t know about you, but that VOW means more to me than “just a piece of paper.”
3) “The ring is a symbol of the love that you have for each other. Its unending circle represents the eternal quality of your love. It serves as a ceaseless reminder of this hour and as a seal of the vows you take.”
Then as you shook with nervousness you put on these wedding bands that represent more than just pieces of metal and the meaning was way deeper than words. Those rings weren’t meant to be an optional accessory for your outfit or a status symbol for all of your friends to see. You didn’t care about how big or small it was because all you wanted was him or her and your commitment to one another.
You see I’m not naive and I understand that sometimes marriages end in divorce, but I think sometimes we need to revisit our commitments to one another. That day you said “I DO” I’m sure you meant it with everything in your heart and in your spirit. Your covenant meant something to you and you were willing to sacrifice for it. Remember your marriage was more than a piece a paper and your commitment was more than temporary.
BMWK Fam: Why do you think people don’t take their vows a seriously as they should?
“Sacred” is a now foreign word in Western society, or perhaps worse, it has become a divisive word, largely because folks who don’t believe there is anything beyond mortal existence take offense, because they think it’s a “religious” cop-out. Unfortunately, many in society have bought into this false sense of freedom=do you boo=anarchy, mentality. Marriage vows–and the meaning and intent behind the covenant/vows–are the epitome of what is sacred in humanity. It embodies the ultimate laying down of one’s selfishness for something far greater, although challenging. We all fall into the trap of wanting something for nothing. That “piece of paper” will cost you your selfishness; very few are willing to really pay that price, even when they do sign on the dotted line. But, until that “set-apart-ness” is restored, rest assured, nothing will change in the outlook and experience of marriage, hence family and community, in our society. Actually, things will get worse.
Well said!! Thanks!
Before God and man a vow is made and then someone chooses to break that covenant. God is watching and when you said for better or worse expect the worst you have already experienced the best. In sickness or in health and an illness that was never there quickly manifest itself and for richer or poorer you were already poor so now what. But we knew all of this going in so if you just have to go. Then by all means go but know that God is watching you and he hears all you say and he knows all you do. My Father in heaven has his hands and eyes on you…
I have been struggling with this very mentality you spoke of; in my loved ones recently. I’m getting frustrated and feel sad that my own marriage is being devalued in the eyes of my family. I got married because I truly wanted a marriage. For that same reason We didn’t have a wedding with everyone. I feel like in our society the wedding is everything; it surpasses the truth in marriage. I wanted to save the party for celebrating our ten year anniversary. I don’t know if my family members who call it “just a piece of paper” will even see the root of the celebration at all.
Adam and Eve didn’t have a piece of paper. Neither did Ruth and Boaz. I’m pretty sure that the Church is the bride of Christ, and I haven’t signed any paper concerning my faith in Jesus…
Dee so are you saying people shouldn’t bother getting the “piece of paper” as long as they believe they are married? Just wanting some clarification.
Does this also apply when your husband and you are going through the worst of worst, then do you hold up your Vows, understanding that it did say for better or for worse. My only thing is how worse/bad do you uphold thur Vows?
I think it depends on the situation. I believe when relationships become unhealthy, dangerous, or abusive then it is time to cut ties. If both aren’t willing to work at making the appropriate changes to improve the relationship then you can’t stay….especially if there are children being endangered. I believe in vows but I don’t believe in being abused b/c of them.