When you commit your life to someone you don’t just commit to the good times, because the bad times are inevitable. There will be rough seasons and challenges that every relationship will face.
Some of those challenges will push you to your limits and test your love.
Some will have you thinking that you are better off being by yourself.
Some will have you reminiscing on how much better life might be if you were single again.
Some will have you wanting to call it quits and walk away from it all.
Love ain’t just black and white; Ain’t that simple ; It gets hard to tell whose wrong or right; When it’s dark with us; I swear I barely see the light; Should I stick it out? Are you worth this fight? Are we worth this fight? – Mary J. Blige
Mary J Blige asked the key question that many people in relationships ponder every day: “Are we worth this fight?” Well in order to determine if your relationship is worth the fight, there are a few things you should consider.
Is it just a bad season?
Relationships are just like years… and years have seasons. In some seasons you are happy and connected and enjoying each other. And in other seasons, you’re feeling disconnected, less intimate, and stressed. The problem is sometimes we only focus on the cold, barren seasons, instead of realizing that spring is right around the corner! The only way to get out of a bad season is to do the actions that you were doing in the good season. What you focus on is what will grow.
Remember why you started.
As we progress and get further away from the newlywed phase, we tend to forget why we made the choice to be together. Usually it was for love, lust, or because we saw this person as our better half. We wanted to build a family, we had relationship goals, and we wanted companionship.
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Like with any plan, you have to continue to remember WHY you started and keep establishing goals to work towards the plan together. Getting stagnant causes stress and decreases purpose.
Have you really put in the work?
The reality is that many times we just give up too easily. The second you aren’t “feeling” your spouse anymore you think it’s time to run, not realizing that for anything to grow you must invest in it.
I meet couples every day who are on the brink of calling it quits, but haven’t been to one counseling session, haven’t read any books on relationships or done any relationship building activities. NEWS FLASH…relationships are about more than feelings; they’re about actions. You won’t get a return unless you invest in each other, yourselves, and the relationship.
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Is it really bigger than you?
Many relationships start off with folks making vows about sacrifice and commitment, but too often when feelings fade we tend to forget about all of that. Furthermore, many of us say we want to build a stable family ‘for the kids’ but that goes out the window the minute we start getting some outside attention. Ask yourself are you really making the sacrifices needed or have you gone back to a selfish mindset?
Is the grass really greener?
Often people search for that initial new relationship high because we want that feeling we had when the hormones were raging and everything was cute. Like a fiend we keep chasing it and because of that sometimes we get fooled into thinking that just being with someone new will solve all of our problems. Well, the truth is that the same seasons are bound to come with the new person too. So you must decide whether to put the effort into fixing what you’ve invested in or do you keep just searching for that newness time after time, person after person?
Have you accepted your role in the situations?
Time for a gut check: Have you truly done some self-reflection and accepted the role you’ve played in the relationship issues? Most of us find it a lot easier to blame than to take any accountability. You don’t have to be perfect, but at least be accountable because that’s where the growth and rebuilding starts.
I’m not saying that every relationship can be repaired and put back on track but I am saying that I think we should at least put some real thought and effort into it before calling it quits. Sometimes your relationship truly is worth the fight, but you have to have your gloves on and be in the ring to tough it out!
BMWK – Is your marriage worth the fight?