On this week’s episode of “It’s Not You, It’s Men,” Rev Run and Tyrese posed the question: “We’re Married, Now What?”
People are excited about the idea of marriage, but they have no idea what marriage is all about. Forty-five percent of divorcees surveyed admitted they had unrealistic expectations of marriage. With the divorce rate at an all-time high, how can you have a successful marriage? Here are 7 tips from the show to help you succeed in marriage:
Tip #1 – Know the person
When you are dating make sure that you take time to really get to know the person you are with. Tyrese posed a great question. You need to ask yourself when you are falling in love and thinking of marriage: Do I love you more than I know you?
So many people get married and realize they married a stranger. Don’t be in such a hurry to rush down the aisle. Take the time to get to know the person you are dating by asking questions, hanging around their friends, meeting their family, etc. How well do you know the person you are dating?
Tip #2 – Marriage Mentors
If a successful marriage has not been modeled before you, find a successful married couple, who is willing to mentor you regarding marriage. Watch as they demonstrate the role of a wife and a husband. Allow them to share with you the realities of marriage and ways to handle the challenges that come with marriage.
Tip #3 – Conflict Resolution
In marriage, conflict is inevitable. But how do you manage it? Rev Run stated, “Argue so fairly that you are kissing before you go to bed.” The way you are able to reach this point in your relationship is by choosing not to hit below the belt.
In the beginning, after an argument, you might need a time out; but eventually you will be able to move on without skipping a beat. This transition will take some time but you will get there by making forgiveness a priority.
Tip #4 – Spark Fizzles
The spark will fizzle in every marriage. Don’t take it personally, choose to incorporate new ways to make your relationship a priority. In marriage you need to constantly work on your intimate, emotional and spiritual connection.
Your mate is your best friend. Keep your friendship alive by making each other laugh, spending time together, sharing inside jokes etc. – activities which solidify the intimacy in the relationship.
Tip #5 – Marriage Vows
Take your wedding vows seriously. Don’t gloss over them but take time to understand them and discuss how those vows will play-out in your marriage.
Tip #6 – Understand your role
Ladies, you might have a career where you are the “BOSS”. However, when you come home, check the “boss” at the door and allow the “wife” to come into your home. A man wants to support you but he doesn’t want to feel like an acquisition or one of your employees. He wants to be your partner. Men the same applies to you. Your wife wants to be your partner not your admin.
Tip #7 – Leaving Isn’t An Option
Lastly, Rev Run’s wife Justine made a great point. She stated, “Don’t let the words I’m leaving even get in your mind or come out your mouth.” In order to have a successful marriage especially during times of conflict, choose to work through the issues. Leaving is not an option. The moment you start planting that seed that you are leaving, you will.
These tips are great for anyone who is in a relationship, no matter the stage. Choose to incorporate a few of these tips to make your relationships more successful.
BMWK, which tips will you use in your relationships?