by Aja Dorsey Jackson
A couple of weeks ago at church a visiting pastor asked the married members of the congregation to stand to their feet. Off topic, but given the number of stories about Black marriage being virtually nonexistant, it was encouraging to see the number of married couples representing all ages. The pastor then asked for each person to give his or her spouse a kiss. His point was that kissing helps us to stay connected to one another and that it is hard to create too much distance from someone that you’re kissing all of the time. Many of our marital problems, he stated, begin when we just aren’t kissing enough. To me, his point made a lot of sense. Focusing on the major marriage issues like communication, sex and finances can take up so much time and energy that the seemingly small things, like kissing, can become secondary.
My husband and I kiss one another twice a day; when he leaves to go to work in the morning and when we get home. We’ve been doing it for so long that most of the time it just feels like habit, but the couple of times that we argued and I didn’t get my morning or evening kiss it upset me. Even though some days it may be just a one-second peck, I know that even if we don’t get to connect at any other time throughout the day, we have those two brief moments of affection. It isn’t a lot but when we’re dealing with work, small children and whatever else may come our way through the course of a day, maintaining that consistent connection means something. We try to do it now even when we’re angry with one another. That way we know that we won’t lose that connection because we stopped one day out of anger and never started up again.
A kiss is one of the easiest ways to show your affection for your spouse. I challenge you, BMWK readers, to make it a point to kiss your spouse at least once a day for the next 30 days. Even if you are angry or having problems with him or her, make an effort toward this simple gesture and see if it helps to bring you just a little bit closer. After all, so much of romance starts with a kiss, hopefully a few of those kisses will lead to more *wink*.
So what are you waiting for? Grab your spouse and pucker up!
Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and public relations consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. Find out more about her at www.ajadorseyjackson.com or follow her on twitter @ajajackson.
As soon as we get off work, I can't wait! Thanks Aja!
It's funny you posted this b/c my hubby and I kiss ALL the time! It doesn't matter where we are or what we are doing, we kiss. We say “Did you kiss me today? No, did YOU kiss me today?” We laugh and then kiss some more…very important!
I do believe it is so important to stay connected to each other a kiss, a passionate hug, or the other. lol
I do believe it is so important to stay connected to each other a kiss, a passionate hug, or the other. lol
I wish I could do this; But my husband does not like kissing. I will admit this breaks my heart. I do feel disconnected from him.
I feel ya & know exactly what your talking about. My wife is the same way &
like you said “this breaks my heart” & I also feel disconnected from her. My only advice is to pray
that your husband receives “fruit of the Spirit”, because its much more deeper than kissing. Pray until something happens & then kissing will be the norm & you will see a your husband with the “fruits of the spirit”. To GOD be the Glory. I'm praying for the both of you>Psychstudent71.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23
A kiss, an embrace…I LOVE it. My husband is the kisser, and I'm the hugger, so again, we balance each other well. GREAT article, Aja!
Interestingly enough kissing caries with it more intimacy then that thing that usually comes to mind when you hear the word, “intimacy.” Many in the “for-hire” industry will do anything and everything but kiss a client. Kissing is so powerful. So much hinges on a kiss for singles. It's a shame that so many (myself included at times) in the married clique take kissing for granted.
That is so true! It's hard to be enemies when you're kissing. It's a wonderful reminder!
I like this, My hubby and I do kiss twice a day as well, but sometimes its nothing wrong with making and effort to kiss more, it really does keep you connected, in thoughts, and spirit!
I will soon be married by God's holy grace and mercy. And I can't wait to start practicing this principle. Thanks for the suggestions
This article is soooooo true. Kissing is so intimate. We LOVE kissing each other.
Hello Aja, Now I have another excuse for kissing me wife again today. We have been kissing every day for 43 years — soon to be 44 years. Everytime one of us leaves the presence of the other, we kiss. We send kiss via instant message, text message, Skype, any excuse! You are right. It keeps us connected, and close to one another. Thanks for this article.
This is a really beautiful post. I leave for work before my wife is up but we do kiss when I get home.
Soo true. I kiss my husband everyday before i got to work, except when we have those rare disagreements, I try to kiss him every night before we both turn over to go to sleep. I will try to be more consistent in this at least for the next 30 days. Thanks!
My hubby and I kiss a lot but he doesn't like to kiss around other people so its kind of a game for me to see how many kisses I can “steal”. lol
I would love to kiss my husband twice, or even ONCE a day, but he doesn't like kissing. Is there anything I can do instead?
Hugs (long embrace) not just that pat on the back kind… are a good way for connection and intimacy also. I love hugs…. Could stay in his arms all day!
I enjoy kissing but I like pecks or several pecks back to back. I have never been a open mouth kisser. At first I think it bothered my husband but he has gotten used to it. I think kissing is a nonverbal communicator letting your mate know that you love them with out actually saying it I do like hugs to with a combination peck. LOL
I think husbands or wives who don't like to kiss may think they don't kiss well. I think it is important to get to the reason, and if I am right, some gentle lessons would really be in order–and great fun, too!
I love to kiss my husband…always in 3's…one for each of our 2 children…and one for the son we lost. It helps me to remember and appreciate
I think it is so important and I try to make it happen more than before, life is so short and you never know if that kiss may be your last. ( remember 911)
My fiancee and I have come so close to parting ways. We are trying to make it work for our son, but during one of our spats I vowed never to kiss him again (maybe out of spite, maybe to hurt him) now in trying to work on our relationship I find myself almost disgusted to kiss him (I’m so embarassed to even feel this way). I think deep down I still haven’t forgiven him for so many things, but I want to be with him. HELP. Any suggestions on how to get over this?
My first response is to pray and ask God to help you forgive. Even though you didn’t say what he did wrong, it is obivious, because you have lost your affection towards him. If you are going to make it work, you are going to have to go all in. Next, is communication, communicate with him in a nice way the way you are feeling. Ask him to be patient with you and also be a good listener. Remember if he tells you something you may not want to hear, he is not doing it to hurt your feelings, but he is being honest. Honesty, is going to help you both move forward in your relationship and be able to trust each other again! Remember put God first and let him be the head of your relationship.
Great advice FirstladyShonda
I’m new to this blog and I just LOVE it…I’m really late. My husband and I are very affectionate and we just celebrated our 17th anniversary. We have 16, 15 and 5 year old girls. Although the 16 and 15 year old thinks it’s gross when daddy kisses mommy, the 5 year old LOVES it. If she doesn’t see us kissing each other she’s quick to say “Daddy kiss Mommy”.
We agree that it’s good for them to see a healthy, loving marriage … so they know what to expect and command in their future relationships.
I love this! We kiss when he drops me off at the train or in front of my job, before he heads to work, and as soon as I get in the car after work.
I looove kissing anywhere.. at home or away. I look forward to doing a lot of that with my honey when we get married later this year. For now, we are thousands of miles apart. Such an awesome bond created for real and it helps to lighten the load of disagreements at times… It keeps you passionately and intimately connected in spirit and makes you not so angry with him… I vow that even with disagreements, we will still kiss each other!!
This is so interesting. To make changes in my marriage I tried to make sure I kiss my husband every day and he would reject me or barely kiss me. His reasoning was because we argues so much or he was mad or focused on something else. I would get hurt and I stopped it. He then did it for a while and we kept going in cycles. However, no matter how he felt, we always had sex because he wanted it and that hurt me more. I felt like we could have sex all the time but it’s an issue to kiss. We are now about to separate . So pray for us
I am sorry to hear about your difficult Jazzo and will pray for you and your husband’s reconciliation.
I will be accepting this challenge. I realized last week that I stop kissing my husband when when disagree. I will make sure to start again.