In an episode of It’s Not You, It’s Men, host Rev Run and Tyrese discussed why player’s play. To avoid being played, it’s important that you recognize signs your potential partner is giving off. Do not ignore those signs.

Ladies: Here’s How to Recognize a Player and How to Avoid Being Played

In this article:

1. 1. Why do players play?
   2. How do you recognize when you are being played?
   3. How do you handle a player?
   4. What should you do to avoid being played?

The main focus of this dialogue was to help women recognize when they are being played and understand the psychology behind the game. Here are a few takeaways from the discussion.

Why do players play:

Players play for a number of reasons, but it boils down to their own insecurities. Being a player allows a man to have bragging rights; to put another notch on his belt of women he’s seduced; to gain validation; act out issues, which stem from his childhood, and the list goes on. By nature, a man is a hunter and playing is a part of that hunter mentality. But at the end of the day, a player plays because he can. And not until he decides to grow up and stop playing childish games, he will continue to play.

How do you recognize when you are being played:

There are a few telltale signs to let you know you are dealing with a player:

1. 1. 1. Smash and Dash: He doesn’t date you in public (i.e. he invites you over to his house to watch Netflix).
      2. Eye Darter: If you are out with him, he isn’t present in the conversation because he is looking at other women in the room.
      3. Dismisses Dead-End Dates: Is he willing to meet you on a date when there is no time for sex to occur?
      4. Honesty: He comes right out and tells you he’s dating multiple women. When he does, BELIEVE him; then choose how you want to proceed.

How do you handle a player?

The way you handle a player is not to hate the player, learn the game. In relationships, women usually give all of themselves and often walk away empty handed. Learn the rules of a player, not to become one, but to protect your heart. Implement these rules while dating. You might not agree with the player’s handbook, however there are a few fundamental lessons, which can help you guard your heart and cultivate the relationship you desire.

1. 1. 1. Keep Dating: A player has multiple women, why shouldn’t you keep your dating options open too? Until you are in a monogamous relationship you are single and you need to keep dating.
      2. Don’t Wait: Don’t sit around waiting for a man to call you. Get up and get out, meet other men and enjoy life. He is a big boy; when he calls, he can leave a message.
      3. Act Non-Committal:  If a man is not making you a priority, don’t force it. Stop making him a priority. Don’t be so easily accessible. Until you are in a committed relationship, you are single, act accordingly.
      4. Enjoy the Chase: Men are hunters, so they are constantly on the hunt until they find someone whom they are willing to stop being a player for. In relationships, it’s an understood theory: When you run after someone, they stop chasing you. When you stop running after someone, then they start chasing you. Allow the man to hunt and find you. When he does, show you are interested but allow the man to pursue you.

How to avoid being played:

There are a number of players out there (both men and women). But the best way to avoid being played is to build up your self-esteem. Lead with your mind and not your heart. Require respect in your relationships. If you are disrespected or the person continues to hurt you; choose to love yourself enough and walk away.  Realize that you can only expect what you accept. If you allow someone to disrespect you, then you can expect for them to disrespect you.

Remember: No one can do anything to you unless you allow them. The ball is in your court. By your actions of no tolerance for games, you will put up a sign that states: No Players Allowed.

BMWK, what are you allowing in your relationships? 

Up Next: 10 Reasons You’re Trying To Run From A Good Woman

Editor’s Note: BMWK originally published this post on March 7, 2016. We have updated it for quality and relevancy.