A common belief is that men are visual creatures. More so than women, they are enticed by what they see. I don’t know if this stereotype has been scientifically proven, making it a fact. What I do know from experience and observation is that men like to look. That’s all the more reason for wives to give their husband’s something to look at.
So, here’s the question: Why do some women hide themselves in marriage?
They get dressed in the closet.
They undress in the dark.
They wrap up immediately after a shower.
They mask their bodies in sweats and t-shirts.
The more they cover themselves the less their husbands have to look at and to admire.
My husband told me early in our marriage he liked to look at me and expected to do so: “If I married you, then I have a right to look at you, when I want and how much I want.”
Only a foolish woman would argue with that. And, if she did, she would be going against what God states explicitly about our bodies in marriage: “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:4). What this scripture means is that marriage is about give and take, and part of what we give is our body to our spouse. As wives, we give our husbands the visual stimuli they need to address their sense of sight. When a man has a wife, there is no need for peep shows, strip clubs, or other visual stimuli beyond the wife’s body.
So, yes, it is my responsibility to give my husband something to look at and fantasize about. . . and that something or someone is ME. A husband who desires to look at his wife, whether dressing or undressing, lounging on the sofa, or doing housework in his line of sight, is a husband who appreciates what he has.
To look says I like, I want, I love. Isn’t that a blessing?
The challenge, then, for us wives is this: as our bodies change with time and child birth, we must maintain a positive body image and get free from whatever makes us hide from the one we should be totally free with. If our men desire to see us – all of us – then we should desire to let him look.
Okay ladies, what’s your take on men needing visual stimuli? What’s the wife’s role in this?
Tina says
I agree with you to a certain extent, my husband enjoys looking at me (even when I don’t think there is much to look at), but I don’t think men have a right to view their wife’s body at the expense of their partner’s emotional well-being. I suppose there’s a part of me that automatically grates against claims that anyone ever has a right to do anything to another person’s body (even if it’s just staring – think street harassment). I do think though, that each person has a responsibility to cultivate a healthy relationship, and that includes open and honest conversations about what men may need/desire (opportunities to adore their wife’s physique) and women’s desires too (unsolicited dish washing, the perfect aphrodisiac).
Miss E says
Great response Tina!
Mz Ellis says
Love the article. Your spouse is there to love every inch of you, stretch marks and all lol. My spouse admiring my body actually helps with those insecurities.
bridgette says
wow, this is really insightful. a lot of women (and a few men, i’m sure) don’t really give this subject much thought. i have to admit, i used to think it was strange when my husband would kiss me and stare at me intently with my hair wrapped up, sleep still in my eyes laying in bed. until i had a revelation: i’m beautiful to him no matter what. before i even met my husband and during our time before children, i would walk around the house in next to nothing (to his delight) because i’ve always been comfortable with my body. now that our boys are getting older i’m more discreet. my body is a gift i CHOOSE to offer and show him, and his, likewise for me. i understand where Tina’s coming from but don’t think of it as a “right to do…” that does put someone in a dangerous position. maybe what the writer is trying to express is being more aware that he loves to SEE his wife. loves to see her curves, loves to watch her move throughout their home, to know that HER body can fullfill and sustain his desires rather than what he may see on the internet, in a strip club or in the street. just as we’ve CHOSEN to spend our lives with eachother, WE are to be eachother’s voyeur…let the peeping never end.
Miss E says
I love how you elaborated! Great insight!
Dr Michelle says
Thanks ladies. Yes this is assuming there no emotional or physical trauma. It’s a choice. A choice to be free and giving even with our bodies. Truthfully sometimes I have to remind myself that I shouldn’t just shut down and deny him because I had a bad day. It just makes you remember to give freely.
Great discussion.
Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. says
GREAT post! That is all. 🙂
Dr Michelle says
Thanks Jackie.
F.J-Mitch says
Great article!!!
Dr Michelle says
Thank you.
Mrs. M says
I understand and love your point….but I must admit that sometimes I resent him looking at me…I even feel that it is not fair….. I feel objectified….lessened in a way… especially since I don’t enjoy looking at his body the same way…. I need help with this…. any suggestions…
Dr. Michelle Johnson says
Mrs. M. I agree with the advice given on Facebook to your comment. It was really good. Check it out if you haven’t.
Lakesha Prou says
I love for my husband to look at me, and to want me…it’s a feeling of knowing ur wanted and desired and I love it. Honestly it’s some nights I sleep with nothing on, because I know the look he will have when he gets home and pulls the covers back, and I love it…and no I’m not a size 4,5, or 6 and I had to get use to my body because I have always been small, but babies and getting older I’ve added weight, but my husband has been the one to give me the confidents back and if he wants to look and admire I’m all for it.
Dr. Michelle Johnson says
What a blessing to have a husband who’s desire to look at you grows with time. Just beautiful.
Thanks for responding.
Mrs bell says
Mrs prou I’m with you, I only sleep with clothes on once a month!! And I’m a size 14 and my husband loves it!! After 15 years of marriage ii wouldn’t change it!!
Mrs. Penny says
My husband and I have been married for 15 yrs now, and I still find myself blushing when I notice his stare. I loved the article, but this does go both ways I like to look at mu husband especially when he’s shaving or cutting his hair (so men aren’t the only ones). I heard a minister say one day “how can you expect a man to want you, if your not happy with what you give him” it actually was the motivation we both needed to get up and work on the body, attitude, style. Now he stares, and so do I!
Dr. Michelle Johnson says
I agree Mrs. Penny. It motivates me to look my best too. I’m flattered when he looks.
Tina F. says
Totally agree with the article! I love seeing my husband’s face as he stares at me whenever I’m around. I love hearing that I’m his eye candy and that it helps him to get through times of being away (military). However, like Mrs. Penny, I do believe wholeheartedly that it goes both ways. I LOVE staring at my husband, especially in all his natural glory and it makes me thank GOD even harder and more because he has blessed me with such a beautiful person inside and out. Also, speaking as a person with past trauma, it did take some time to get used to him looking at me. We’ve been together for 11 years but it has really been about eight years that I’ve been just the “I don’t care open” with him and it’s because of something he said. He told me, “Although I care about what happened to you in your past to make you feel this way about your body, I care more about you not getting past it to allow me thank GOD for the blessing he’s given me. Let me receive my blessing, woman.” He’s funny but he made a great point. By us closing off his view to us, he may not be receiving his blessing from GOD and who of us want to be a GOD-given blessing blocker? I, for one, do not. Great article!
Dr. Michelle Johnson says
Yes, women can and do stare as well. It works both ways. Thanks for sharing this comment.
Mrs. M says
I red what was posted…and weight issue and we do both work out…. and I have already changed both our diets. I cannot do heels… medical reasons… We have children and grand children pretty much at all times..so I don’t have time for cooking games…I don’t really like playing around in the kitchen …I always hurt myself when I try to do this or burn something… Not funny to me in any way… I have talked to him… We have had that discussion so many time it is pointless right now… and there are other medical issues that surround my sexuality that make spontaneity not really possible for either of us… No offense but is someone over 50, married long time that can give me some proven advice…
mochazina says
You might want to try the marriage bed message boards – they have a substantial crowd of the older generations.
Mrs. M says
Where do i find these!! Sounds Promising
LaWanda says
Amen!
Tiya says
I so love this article!
Alethea says
I’m learning to love my body as it is the way my husband does. After having our last child my body didn’t bounce back the way it did after having our twins. My husband looks at me with adoration and awe. I love it!!! The more he desires to see ME the more confident I become in my skin.
Also, I spend more time working out for me. My husbands desire for me is rejuvenating me and causing me to SEE me differently. I tell myself I am beautiful. I am sexy. I am the cats meow.
God knew there would be a day when the daily trials of being a woman would begin to wear on us. He created 1 Corin. 7:4, for those days. He created our husbands to carry the weight of our low self-esteem and a guide for them to revive us.
alisha says
this i understand. but what about the husband? doesn’t the husband have the reaponsibility to.keep himself visually appealing as well?
Anonymous says
I agree fully Alisha. I liked the article but I felt it was lacking in his responsibility to be fit & look good 4 me. He’s my eye candy too & I’m visual too; perhaps not as much as men but looking at my hubby is a definite turn on.
Krisette says
Yes I completely agree. As a Believer in Jesus Christ I maintain a level of modesty appropriate to my position in Him, but also remind myself often to avoid being prudish towards my husband. Men are indeed visual and they need the stimulation. I would also say, that your comment about age and childbirth is right on. We have had 6 children and we are currently expecting our 7th. As time, gravity and babies weigh on my frame, this article is an excellent reminder that if he is still looking, something must still be cooking! I honor my husband for still being attracted to me as life moves down the road and that his love for me is deeper than the smaller waist and perkier breasts of the 18 year old that he once knew 🙂
Christine says
I totally agree with you and this is something that I’ve been working on myself. Thanks for the reminder!
Bridget E. says
You speak the truth, my sister! And I appreciate your words of wisdom and encouragement. I agree, I agree, and I practice what you’re preaching! Thank you!
Mari D says
I have a HUGE dilemma. When my husband and I first met he acted obsessed with me and so in love with me. But as time went on I realized that he thought my life was stagnant in his eyes. He wanted me to get a better job, he wasn’t interested in things that I liked to do and he HATED my small breasts to the point of not touching or complimenting them and he wanted me to gain weight so they’d hopefully grow. But during all that time he was very affectionate towards me and always told me he loved me. Well, we went somewhere together and was having a good time and he saw a woman in the distance that looked attractive. I saw him look at her and the next thing I knew he wanted to stop what we were doing and go for a walk, to go purchase another drink which he had 10 minutes earlier and which just happened to be where this woman was walking to. I know for a fact that he wanted a better , closer look at her. I questioned his motives and of course he lied and had no idea what I was talking about. I never felt so disrespected and hurt. Now I don’t trust him anymore if we go somewhere. When hes out without me or at work I wonder who hes staring and in my opinion lusting after. Ive become so jealous and I absolutely hate my body to the point that I don’t want him looking at me because I don’t think he really finds me attractive. Hes always liked looking at other women and hes even made comments to me about them . My marriage is almost over because of this and the fact that Im not bringing home the bacon so he can have a brand new bass boat. Ive worked and have done EVERYTHING around the house with no help. BUT, he does not want a divorce he told me and says that he still loves me but things have to change before its to late. I don’t know if anything Ill ever do will be good enough. He denies any wrong doing or ever having any ill feelings toward me about my body and that Ive made it all up. I love him and don’t want to loose him but what do I do !
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JT says
For those who say they wish their husbands would stay fit and visually appealing; you have missed the point. The point of this article is that husbands are admiring their wives despite all flaws real or imagined. The stretch marks,cellulite and vericose veins he could care less about. What he wants is the personhood of you.
And yes part of it visual but not as much as you think. A beautiful, shapley Sz 8 woman may turn my head…but my wife in a t-shirt and boy shorts will totally set it off. There is a huge difference.
Daren V Rolack says
There was a comment about weight gain, wrinkles and body change. When I married my wife I knew she would change in both physical and mental ways. I myself would also go through those changes. I don’t care about her wrinkles, fluctuations in figure, or whatever. She’s mine and love her now more than ever. I love to look at he move… It’s poetic and fulfilling to watch her. Keeps her on my mind when I’m away from her. It strengthens us… I’d rather negotiate than fight thus keeping what I love and need accessible to me. I’m first in love with her mind… So whatever changes her body goes through I encourage her and remind her of how beautiful she is to me.
Arden says
I remember trying to cover up after making love wary in our marriage and him telling me”to late”. He taught me to be confident in my nakedness and he continues to look and watch and I continue to remember he is watching and sighing with every move of my plus size hips.
Torre says
What we hv to remember is that we are all human, w human nature. Men are visual creatures, so they’re always going to look and maybe speak on what they see..now if it’s downright disrespectful that’s an entirely different story! If he’s just doing what comes natural admire the woman too..why be upset!?? He’s w u, he luvs u..just bc ur married doesn’t mean u don’t hv eyes, women look as well..long as ur not gawking, flirting or touching there really isn’t a issue, jmo..