From time to time quite a few marriages experience periods of not seeing eye to eye, feelings of frustration and thoughts of defeat . Sometimes couples can clearly see the route that lead down that undesirable road. Other times, circumstances build up until they can’t even pinpoint exactly what brought them there. As a result, hurt, disappointment and wanting to call it quits become natural reactions.
Even when the outlook appears dismal, there is good news. If both partners are willing, a marriage can survive anything. I have personally witnessed couples overcome infidelity, financial struggles and health challenges. So I know it is possible to save a relationship. If you feel like your marriage is on the brink of destruction, take action immediately! Don’t be a bystander watching it crash and burn.
Couples must always be aware of what is happening in their relationship. Keep in mind, minor issues eventually lead to major concerns when they aren’t handled with urgency. We must examine our marriages, look for signs of bigger problems and make corrections where needed. Here are a few signs to be cognizant of:
An absence of mutual respect is a definite red flag. Not saying good morning or good night are not healthy ways to behave in a grown up relationship. Even when we are not necessarily feeling our spouse at the moment, we have to always maintain a level of respect for them just as another human being. We can do this by being aware of the tone we use to address our mates. There should be love and patience present in our communication. Respect is the bare minimum of any partnership.
Problem focused and not solution focused is another tell-tell sign. Some are content on living in a drama filled relationship. For those who are not, take a personal inventory and look for ways you can improve personally. Don’t worry about what the other partner has to work on, strictly focus on you and your growth.
Bad mouthing or speaking negatively to others ,including children, about our partners will cause absolute destruction. The areas we are most concerned with should be shared only with our partner. They have to be given an opportunity to improve. Our job as a life partner should be to build up. We must bite our tongue whenever we feel that negative spirit kicking in.
A lack of physical communication is another clear warning. There has to be a physical connection. Even if yours has been disconnected it’s time to reconnect. Holding hands, a warm morning hug or a kiss goodnight are small ways to bring touch back into the marriage. This is a basic human need.
I am always optimistic when it comes to love and marriage. There is always hope when neither partner has walked away. It is possible to lure a marriage back from destruction. Ideally, we want to be aware and catch these behaviors in the beginning, before they become the new normal in our relationship. I am challenging anyone struggling to fight for your relationship and nurse it back to health.
BMWK, if your marriage is struggling, what are you willing to do to bring it back from destruction?
This is a really simple, and really, really good checklist. As a pastor who has talked with hundreds of couples, this is what I look for. Another good indicator is acceptance of each other’s differences. https://choosetotrust.com/2013/04/the-accepting-marriage/
Thank you Pastor Perkins. I appreciate your comment. Acceptance of each other’s differences is so critical. It’s one of those key relationship ingredients couples often ignore.
I’ Glad that Read This Today. these Are Some Of Th Issues That Im Dealin With TodaY.
I am a young black wife and mother of one. I would like to get marriage information from your website. Thank you before hand.
You are in the right place. It is a team of amazing writers here so you will find a ton of great info.
That’s an amazing article but how do you deal with someone who doesn’t see anything wrong with what’s wrong?
Great question Tee. Ask them what they feel is working well and what makes it work and how that same energy and effort can be used in the other areas you feel aren’t working as well.
What if your spouse isn’t willing to work it out?
Have they come right out and said they weren’t willing? Sometimes we want our partners to be doing exactly what we are to make the marriage work, and that’s not always the case. Communicating and sharing solutions is always helpful. Both partners should at least be on the problem solving page even if they are taking different routes to get there.
This article has hit too close to home in my marriage. The sad thing is that the four signs above is what my marriage is going thru and I am way past ready to give up. We have been togeterh for almost 9 YEARS AND only married for 8 months. My partner blocks all suggestions and puts up walls you won’t even believe. He works harder at the Business we Own together than at our marriage. I am open to counseling, but he won’t hear of it, and everytime I attempt to discuss issues in our marriage-he says I am complaining. There are no loving kisses between us, the intimacy is not there. He’s ready to divorcee and takes any dissagreement to bail out. There is much more, but I would be typing until the end of next week..HELP!
Dee,
Has he actually asked for a divorce?
I am greatful for this info. I have taken some the advice in these articles to help my marriage of 5 years out of a rut. Thank God for Godly Advice and helping marriages everywhere to get back on track.
Thank you Mrs.MC for reading. I pray your marriage continues to prosper.
I love the advise that I often receive from this site. But what do you do when you feel like you are the only one giving and trying to fix your marriage; when your spouse seems just to be along for the ride with no real input or urgency to fix what is wrong in the marriage. I am tired of being the only one thinking in the marriage and I feel upset and annoyed when I have to “tell him” what he can do instead of him thinking it out and coming up with his own ideas of what he can do to make it better. I dont want to feel like he is just one of the kids that I am having to give instruction to!
Courtney,
Has that always been the pattern in your relationship, you telling him what he can do instead of him thinking it out? If so, he’s probably gotten comfortable with that role. Sometimes it helps when we do actually stop telling them and start stepping back giving them the space to think it out on their own and create solutions. Make your half of the relationship the absolute best it can be and allow him to work on his.
Jesus is so merciful.after one failed marriage,I’m so blessed to be with my fiance for almost three years.I’ve two kids from my first marriage and now we have a son.whenever we face difficulties,we pray,cry,let go and let God.also elders in our church help.I’ve learned to give respect to my man and to love him for who he is and he adores me and the calmness our Lord has put in me.praise God together and love eachother totally
Wonderful comment Ms.Debby. Thank you!
I have a husband that does not want to work. I own a janitorial business, he thinks he has learned how to clean but he has not! It is also very hard to be over him. I purchased my own house, I am still paying and raised a son of previous marriage by my self. I have always been very independent and It is very hard to live with a man that needs to be told everything. Please I need your advice?!
Allow a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman. I pray that you are not
Using this is my house.
lidia,
What if you stopped telling him everything, do you think he would figure it out on his own? Give him the opportunity to create some solutions on his own without your input or guidance.
This is a great article. It gives a good place to start, but then the ball is in your hands now. While I’m no counselor, I’ve been there, done that in my marriage, so I have some experience. My advice to you ladies would be to be the spouse you desire. How do you do that? Start from the beginning make a list if need be of all the things you feel are lacking. Then You, start doing! Your spouse may not notice at first, but You continue. Stop looking for your spouse to go first. A good resource to help with this is “The Love Dare” it is a book based on the movie Fireproof. I say if you truly want your marriage to be the greatest it can be “out love” your spouse! My husband and I will celebrate 25 years this August. We have made it through some very rough times, we have not just survived we are thriving! Our marriage is better than any fairytale that could be written. And it is real, we just know the rules now, no matter what we Choose to love each other, everything else is given to God to handle! Wishing you the best marriages.
Love it Ronnie. Congrats on 25 years and thank you for inspiring all of us. I love “The Love Dare” book and the Fireproof movie. Powerful stuff!
Me and my wife has been married for six years now my wife wants 2 walk cause I havent been focusing on her needs like here driving lisenceing and her been stuck in tha house Ive be breaking my neck to work to better our future and its been hard to balance both so I started to focus on saving us but she has yet to even help me to save our marriged she took off her ring and stays in tha room and thats all she does I been working Overtime to better me as a person and husband what should I do please help
Lavarous, I would encourage you to go that extra mile by finding out specifically what your wife needs from you to heal your marriage and for her to put her ring back on. Also share with her what you need. In marriage, we do have to balance and make sacrifices to maintain a healthy marriage. Have you communicated to your wife your goals and dreams to improve the marriage and yourself? It’s helpful to include her in that discussion and give her the opportunity to support it. God Bless your marriage. Be willing to fight for it.
It is a great article, but my marriage is like no other I see. My husband refuses to acknowledge he is a drug addict, with MAJOR unresolved family issues. So, in his mind, “I’m sorry” and “I know I need to do something” is his answer to everything!!! I am trying to hold firm to the promise of God and the covenant I made, but his addiction is the root of our financial, physical, communication, trust problems and so much more!!! I am trying not to become bitter and resentful, but I waited a long time for the man God had for me. I am getting older to the point that children and a family are not an option.
Now 6 years of marriage coming up on 7 and it has gotten worse every year!!! I am willing to work, but how do you work alone? How do you not hate your spouse for never trying? How do you stay and fight when emotional, physically and spiritually within your marriage you are empty?
Maybe you have an answer….because I don’t anymore!!!!
Drea,
Your situation is different. I pray that you and your husband can seek treatment options and follow through on them in terms of his addiction. It is a disease and a professional or treatment facility definitely needs to be included in your healing.