I recently celebrated my fourth wedding anniversary. Well, not exactly. The day was on a school night, and unfortunately my wife and I had plans that would keep us apart that evening. She was attending an evening event for an MBA conference. I had a fundraiser to attend for an organization where I volunteer. Although I thought it would have been a great date night “doing it up big” as a couple she was attending a costly MBA conference, one that will hopefully increase her professional network. We both agreed to celebrate at a later date. But because I know better, I made sure the day didn’t pass without her receiving a gift from me: an arrangement of flowers that was almost identical to the bouquet she carried on our wedding day (I studied our pictures from the day to get as close to the original as I could). She recognized the arrangement immediately and all was right between she and I.
Here’s what I didn’t do: I didn’t make the customary announcement on Facebook, pledging my love for my wife to my former classmates dating back to the age of five, current colleagues, relatives, frat brothers and all the random people who have begun to friend me because I have a blog. Of course it’s nice to share and receive accolades and encouragement no different that you do on your birthday.
But I simply didn’t feel like it this time around. Especially since I felt another impulse brewing in the mix: pressure. I wondered if I didn’t make the announcement then people who did know would think something was wrong. I didn’t like the “peer pressure” of having to broadcast my business so I simply ignored my status bar on Facebook that day. And because my wife was at her day-long conference she didn’t spend any time on her social networks either.
Sure enough a day later I got the question in a cousin’s question via email:
So you guys made no anniversary fuss on FB. Is it like that?
Is it like what? As a society have we really arrived at a place where something is wrong if we aren’t updating everything but the most intimate details of our lives? And even then? A few short years ago not many other than college students would’ve dreamed of sharing their thoughts, opinions and daily activities on the Internet. Back then there were less people populating the Internet and no employers researching your online activity. Social networking applications such as Facebook and Twitter have simply made all this acceptable to the the masses. “Acceptable” and “right” are two different fruits entirely. The Internet now is larger than ever and no matter what a company CEO tells us privacy is easily circumvented by those who know how to bypass and hack through your security settings.
Ultimately there was no harm in sharing my wedding anniversary on Facebook but equally there was no harm in not sharing either. Besides, my wife is not my friend on Facebook so she wouldn’t have seen my status in any case. She is the person who matters most in this scenario. And she heard and saw how I felt, directly from me.
Do you feel that you should broadcast every single special day and occasion on your social networks? Do you feel pressured into doing so for fear of what people may think? Why or why not?
I agree I do feel the pressure to broadcast my relationship on FB when I see all my FB friends doing it but I realize what we have is great and there is no need to broadcast. I know what we have and he knows what we have and me and my guy are not fb friends either. We feels that’s best and keeps down the FB mess and drama. I think you don’t have to air all your business on FB to confirm your both special to one another!
You are a stupid bitch
I guess I’m odd. I personally don’t see anything wrong with broadcasting “happy” news on social media networks. It seems to me that more people are posting about negativity than anything, so why not share something positive? Moreover, many of your “single” FB friends often look to their married friends and admire the relationship. I love to see when married couples celebrate happy news on FB such as the birth of a baby, an anniversary, purchasing a new home etc.
You’re not odd at all. But the issue I was raising wasn’t about not doing it at all, but rather when you know everything is good on the homefront (or even if it isn’t) do you feel obliged to share special occasions with a world of “unknowns” (that is unknown to your day to day life) for fear of what these people think. If you’re in a mood to share then fine, which is something I’ve done every year of my marriage. This year I was in a tranquil and reflective mood and didn’t feel the need to share or even log onto the computer that day. I shouldn’t be penalized or misjudged by facebook friends and family because of it. No one should.
You’re not odd at all. But the issue I was raising wasn’t about not doing it at all, but rather when you know everything is good on the homefront (or even if it isn’t) do you feel obliged to share special occasions with a world of “unknowns” (that is unknown to your day to day life) for fear of what these people think. If you’re in a mood to share then fine, which is something I’ve done every year of my marriage. This year I was in a tranquil and reflective mood and didn’t feel the need to share or even log onto the computer that day. I shouldn’t be penalized or misjudged by facebook friends and family because of it. No one should.
This is one of the main reasons that I got off of FB, I woke up one day and realized how sick I was of random folks at varying levels of importance having access to my business! I didn’t make an announcement that I was leaving I simply disappeared and what I I came to realize was that folks immediately thought the worst….that my relationship had ended or was in trouble. I had about 3 people ask me the “is everything alright?” question, where I knew exactly what they were getting at. I bid farewell to FB last December and I so love my newly reclaimed privacy!
Great post Eric! There is nothing wrong with deciding not to put all of your business on Facebook. Sometimes I feel like I “have to” on the marriage blogger side of things. But I also don’t feel like anyone is entitled to knowing our business. As much as I love to encourage, inspire, share, all of the above, we didn’t get married to be popular on Facebook. There are some things that I feel are just between us and when I don’t feel like sharing, for one reason or another, I don’t.
You’re in the family blogging business. So, in some cases, your marriage is your business. In that respect, posting a happy anniversary shoutout serves the purpose of letting people know that it’s your anniversary and also advertises your blog.
On the other hand, this article did the same thing….
Exactly. But I’m sure you’ve been there during those moments when you just want to be private with yours. I’m no superstar athlete or television celeb, reality show cast member or even a mainstream blogger who is paid to publicize my private life. My not representing to my personal Facebook family or even my blog’s facebook page won’t break my marriage blogging business and shouldn’t cast doubt on the institution. At least I hope it doesn’t.
Man, I think its great when people broadcast their great relationship milestones on fb, BUT it shouldn’t be looked at as a bad thing if you choose not to share? I left fb in April, but when I was on, I very very rarely posted anything, good or bad. Sometimes its the case when some people like to put on a “fb front” on how “good” their relationship is. Either way, I don’t think any relationship success should be judged on how public you made it. *shrug*
My wedding anniversary is this month and I have no intentions on posting a FB status update to announce it. Although I made a big splash last year in announcing our engagement on FB, and then 6 months later changing my relationship status to married, I don’t feel it is necessary to make a big deal every single year that we hit our wedding anniversary. I honestly think it’s quite silly to post stuff like that online. Our marriage is between the two of us, and it will be two of us celebrating and cheering us on for a successful and happy marriage. Not our online-only Facebook friends and family.
My wedding anniversary is this month and I have no intentions on posting a FB status update to announce it. Although I made a big splash last year in announcing our engagement on FB, and then 6 months later changing my relationship status to married, I don’t feel it is necessary to make a big deal every single year that we hit our wedding anniversary. I honestly think it’s quite silly to post stuff like that online. Our marriage is between the two of us, and it will be two of us celebrating and cheering us on for a successful and happy marriage. Not our online-only Facebook friends and family.
Yep – I do not feel the pressure to make all sorts of silly speeches on Facebook. But I still do it. Do it or don’t do it – doesn’t really matter. I feel like – if I can complain on FB I can celebrate my marriage. I try to avoid the canned stuff though, I always speak how I would speak in real life and not the whole “I married my best friend” thing. I think this year I put… Five years… and he’s still alive LOL
There should be no pressure to broadcast happy news but equally there should be no pressure to not broadcast it. Different people use social networks in different ways. Some don’t access it every day in which case they wouldn’t be able to broadcast every piece of happy news they had necessarily.
The important thing when celebrating your anniversary is your husband/wife anyway. Everyone else’s opinion is secondary.
This is interesting because of all things to broadcast , my relations I try not to broadcast on FB. I try in speak in more general terms rather than specific. I think this leave more for interpretations or assumptions which people are going to do anyways. Those who are close to me will already know whats going on in my life and I dont need 100 plus different people knowing my everything. I have considered shutting down my Fb several times before or at least no status updates…maybe one day:)
facebook was created , so your family or freind can catch up, but is use instead as a tool, for cheating, boosting, girlfriends parade etc…….sad
You weren’t wrong at all. If you didn’t feel like sharing, you didn’t have to. Your wife knew you acknowledged it and that’s all that matters. I don’t broadcast my business anywhere close to as much as my peers. I announced our engagement and our marriage, and of course everyone had something to say about it. I just tell people happy birthday really haha.
In the past I have felt pressure from my exes to broadcast our relationship “milestones” on fb and since I’m a mostly private person anyway (I usually only post quotes on my fb) it was pressure all around. In both cases, my exes figured since I posted our status on facebook there was no way I would risk the embarrassment to break up and started acting possessive (aka crazy) and their real character came out. When those relationships ended, it was a big backlash in people trying
to console me and give me advice on what I was doing wrong. After a lot of soul-searching, I realized that the only opinion that really mattered was mine and anybody who didn’t deeply interact with me on a regular face-to-face basis needed no explanation or insight to my life.
A close friend of mine didn’t even broadcast her marriage on fb and I can see why. Some people assumed she was a single parent until they found out she really was married. FB will definitely show you what people think about you.
I have to say that I have NEVER felt the need or pressure to post about my relationship, family, etc on FB. If and when I do post, it’s on my terms. My husband and I both don’t let FB or any other social network run our lives. It’s truly annoying sometimes when people post every minute of their day on FB. Do people really need to know whether or not your dining in or out tonight?! I share what I DECIDE to share. And I can say that no one has ever questioned me about why I posted this and not that on my status. Since I’m a private person anyway, most people couldn’t tell you what my husband and I do or haven’t done. If something goes down in our household I don’t air my feelings on FB about it. That’s where the issue lies. If someone is the type of person that usually invites people’s opinion into their lives by posting the play by play of their marriage/relationship on social networking sites, then they should be ready for the prying questions when they don’t. Unfortunately people have come to EXPECT to be in your business. Keep your marital relationship at the house and post other general topics for people’s opinions (politics, things that erk you, jokes, encouraging phrases, bible verses, etc.).
Not a good idea.
I agree. I have a Facebook page, but I do NOT give out personal details about my life. I keep it very general, but do “like” others comments. You have to be smart on these social networks and utilize them for business and some social without divulging your personal details and inner thoughts and feelings. I share great quotes on my Facebook page or write positive messages, and I keep in touch with High School Classmates, employers, clients, colleagues and some family members.
I love this article brother! I can relate. I am newly married early 40’s (previously divorced and raised 3 kids) and while I did announce my engagement on FB last year I opted not to post wedding pics or any details of the wedding. Through the engagement process I made this decision as I discovered that I did not want the unsolicited commentary on my wedding pics or wedding day that I got during the engagement period. I could not believe how many folks inboxed or posted on my wall “where are the wedding pics”. Me and my husband had a small wedding and we simply didn’t want our pics in cyberspace. I see folks posting wedding pics on FB all the time which is their choice and nothing wrong with it. But because I chose not to people thought something was wrong! I would rather show my close friends my album in person and I have sent random photos to close family via email. I just didn’t think 500 of my not so closest friends needed unsolicited access to a day that was so intimate for me, my husband and my family.