In the classic book, Art of War, Suz Tzu states, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” Then, we have Shakespeare who coined the phrase, “to thyself be true.” Within these two powerful quotes, we capture one life’s most important lessons – learn yourself. In fact, one of the greatest assets when considering marriage is knowing oneself well. So I’ve outlined 7 critical things you must know about yourself before you get married and these are 7 things you must know about yourself to truly be a happy spouse.
1) Know what tempts you
Some have bought into the lie that when you get married that your attraction will be only for your spouse. This is the furthest from the truth.
Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.
Self-control is one of the most important qualities to master before you get married. You must know what your weaknesses are before you marry so you can stay far away from them within marriage. Adultery is nothing to play with and has ruined many lives.
2) Know what you’re good at
Just like you should learn what your weaknesses are you should also learn what comes natural to you. Another powerful asset to marriage is knowing what you bring to the table.
No man or woman wants to marry a person that doesn’t increase their overall value as a couple. When I met my wife I knew immediately how she added to me by recognizing her strengths in comparison to my weaknesses.
3) Know where you spend your time
Have you ever taken your entire week and assessed it for where you spent every single minute of your day. Talking about learning yourself. My mercy. You will immediately learn where you’re wasting too much time and also the things that you’re neglecting.
4) Know what entertains you
What do you like to do for fun? What makes you laugh? What do you like to do calm down and enjoy the results of a job well done. Being a workaholic in marriage can suck the life out of your marriage very quick. Learn now how to have fun doing what entertains you.
5) Know what motivates you
We all have those days where we don’t want to get out of bed due to the overwhelming stress of life, heavy responsibilities, and sometimes pure I don’t care anymore thoughts. It is at these times you must know what motivates you.
What will you find refuge in for a source of revitalizing your passion towards life. I have days where I want to quit, but then I think on the things that are my why for life. It is these things that help me fight the good fight each and every day. What are your whys for life? What motivates you to keep going when life is knocking you down?
6) Know what hurts you
Everyone hurts differently and is hurt by different things. What you have to realize is that hurting is a part of relationships. I love it how this lyrical genius put it in this song, “Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”
You can’t go into any relationship with the fear of getting hurt. That is the great risk of loving people. But, it is good to know what hurts you in order to help those close to you.
My wife and I had a very candid conversation about the things that hurt each other. We both had different things, and because of that conversation I know how to love her better.
7) Know your love language
We all give and receive love differently. Knowing your love language is so pivotal for the health of your relationships. The 5 love languages are, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and physical touch. It is found that what you do the most naturally is usually your love language.
I pray these 7 things will help you dive deeper into learning yourself better in order to be a greater asset to your future spouse.
BMWK, how much do you think knowing yourself can improve your relationship with your mate or future spouse?