by Tara Pringle Jefferson
The more I chose to focus on the positives, the better my marriage becomes.
The more I chose to listen to my husband, the more he tends to open up and let me in to his innermost thoughts.
The more I ask for help in keeping the house clean, the more my husband takes the initiative to tackle chores on his own.
The more I show gratitude for those “little things,” the more the little things happen.
The more I bite my tongue when I fear I may say something cruel, the less often the cruel thoughts even occur in the first place.
The more I pray about a particular matter, the more clarity I receive in approaching a solution.
It seems that most of the things that improve my marriage are a big ol’ “Duh!” I don’t know why it took me so long to realize that I only get out of my marriage what I put into it. It’s really that simple.
Whatever it is you need to do to make your relationship better, you probably already know what it is you need to do. And usually – the answer starts with you. Since you can’t make anyone else change, any true improvement you seek will have to start on your end. Don’t make it complicated.
Start by smiling more. Being pleasant first thing in the morning, last thing at night and all the times in between. Keep work stuff at work. Don’t let money woes turn you against each other. Remember to make time for each other. Communicate about the little issues before they become big issues.
BMWK, do you think people make marriage more complicated than it needs to be? How do you step back and make your relationship a little simpler?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.
Sometimes yes. Now if the easy formula you described in your article worked for everyone then things would be great. More often than not you may do all of those things and the results may not be the same. That’s where frustration and complication comes in.
@75d10ba77060e3bf22ad39b3f70bb59c:disqus – Oh, yes. I know frustration can result when the other half of the relationship might not be on the same page. But –> “Since you cant make anyone else change, any true improvement you seek will have to start on your end.” It is frustrating, for sure, but you can only focus on what YOU can do. If you know you are giving your all, that’s pretty much where your worries should stop. Is it easy? Hecks no! I still struggle with that. But keeping that in mind has alleviated a lot of the stress I used to carry around all the time…
I agree wholeheartedly! When I am conscience about focusing on the positive, about giving my “good energy” to my husband, about biting my tongue and keeping the peace, our marriage isn’t much “work” at all. And, my husband is the domestic one. LOL! 🙂
I love, love love it
In my experience, it really is an easy formula … the hard part is getting both partners to participate.
In my experience, it really is an easy formula … the hard part is getting both partners to participate.
Wow you made that real simple. Great post Tara
This spoke directly to me!!! Thanks!
Tara, marriage is much simplier than most make it. Oftentimes it is difficult b/c folk just choose not to be mature; spouses are ridicule b/c they’ve failed to meet an expectation that’s never been discussed; b/c folks want to invest precious energy in useless information arguring about who’s right and b/c people fail to understand that they dynamic of life changes with marriage. Many folks want to be married while living single. These are the things that make marriage difficult.
Great Post
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Marriage is what you make it! I agree with Reginald it is difficult for some because they make it difficult. For every situation, there is a way to change it around to something positive. Great communication and prayer can make a marriage. My advice if you don’t have a prayer life together and great communication, you better work on it right away. Great article!!
Great post Tara!
Of course. Great teamwork and great teamwork in love comes with following very simple and basic principles for success. But who wants to be simple? People fear success and cling to the drama of “their ways” versus the right ways so the simplicities and beauty of this life is lost on most.
Yes – people make marriage far more complicated than it has to be. Our jobs in our marriages are to be a blessing to the other person first…if we put our spouse’s needs first, we will both be trying to do whatever it takes to bless the other person – rooting out selfish motives which are the foundation of most marital problems.
@Mrs. W – I have always tried to make that a goal of my marriage – to focus on my husband’s needs and let go of the worry that he would/wouldn’t take care of mine. When both people can put their selfishness aside, it makes marriage the sweetest thing on earth. 🙂
Thaank you for this article, as a soon-to-be wed woman I really needed to read this.