My husband and I had a silly argument the other day. I was running around the kitchen, trying to make dinner and he was on the couch, relaxing after a day at the office by watching SportsCenter. Pretty typical scene, I’m guessing.
Now, I’ve been working all day as well and I’m thinking to myself that dinner would go a lot faster if he would help me make dinner. I decide to call him over so he can grab some of the ingredients out of the cabinets (which I would have to ask him to do anyway since I’m so short).
He heaves himself off the couch and steps one foot into the kitchen. “What do you need?”
“Can you come here please?” I motion for him to come closer. I always feel like he tries to stay as close to the couch as possible, like getting too close to me will pull him from the couch’s gravitational pull and all relaxation goes out the window.
He takes one more tiny step into the kitchen. “What do you need?”
I’m aggravated even further because when the TVs on, the kids are running around yelling, the neighbors are cutting the grass, it’s harder for him to hear me and I end up yelling. So I want him closer so he can hear me. “Never mind.”
“Why do you always do that?” he asks.
“Do what?”
“You always say never mind versus saying what you really want.”
“No, I don’t.”
“You do,” he insists. “So what did you want?”
“I wanted you to help me make dinner.”
“So why didn’t you just say that?” he asks.
“Because I thought it was obvious,” I say, shrugging. “If I’m already in the kitchen making dinner…”
“How was I supposed to know that?” he asks, honestly.
“I don’t know. But when you kept taking those baby steps, like you didn’t want to be bothered, well…then I no longer wanted to be bothered.”
He just kind of looked at me and then grabbed the ingredients I asked for, and then went back to catch the end of SportsCenter.
I let you take a peek inside my marriage because it’s clear that men and women are wired differently. One of the most common things I hear men say is, “Well, I’m not a mind reader.” And that’s very much true, no matter how much women wish it wasn’t.
But more often than not, a woman doesn’t want her husband to read her mind as much as anticipate her needs. She’s not difficult. She wants you to be in touch with her. Know instinctively if she’s having a good or bad day. Understand her moods. Surprise her with your knowledge of her. Care deeply about her and show it in your actions and your words.
So it’s true that men aren’t mind readers and prefer to know exactly what their lady wants instead of having to play a guessing game. Fair enough.
Great article!!! I often have this same run in with my husband who clearly can’t read my mind but I expect him too…I can’t believe I’m reading something so similar to what hubby and I were just discussing yesterday. I wanted him to be more considerate and ask me if I need anything and he felt I was being too difficult. Thank you for being transparent in this moment and allowing us to read so that we can see that this is a common misunderstanding. You’re right, men aren’t mind readers and we aren’t difficult! 🙂
@Krys – Yes, it’s so important to realize that other couples have the SAME problems and concerns. I know men aren’t mind readers and are generally helpful when asked, and I also know that women don’t mean to be difficult! We just want considerate men 🙂
Love this. It’s like the scene in the movie “The BreakUp” when Jennifer Anniston told Vince Vaughn, ” I don’t want to tell you to do the dishes, I want you to WANT to do the dishes.” Love that you broke it down to the fact that women want their needs anticipated. Same issue I have with my husband. Yet sometimes anticipation reads: mind reading. Fair enough, indeed.
No one is a mind reader, I see the major difference as women ask if there is anything we can do to help, men wait to be asked.
This sounds awfully familiar lol.
Omg!!! I thought my husband was the only one that did this!! It gets to the point that even my ten year old daughter was telling her dad “CAN you help mommy sometimes? She looks so tired!”