by Dr. Charles Alonzo Peters
According to a recent Match.com poll, 50% of women say it would be okay for their date to pay with a coupon. I consider myself somewhat financially literate, but I still would never in a million years whip out a coupon on a date. But hey, that’s just me.
I have to ask you ladies, if your husband pulled out a coupon on your first date, would you still have married him? Many sisters would view using a coupon as a savvy financial move, a hint that their man was knowledgeable about money.
Others, I’m sure, would consider it a cheapskate play. A man who valued their company so little as not to feel the need to pay the full “retail” price for the experience, might not get a second chance.
Now, I know on first glance this may sound like a silly question – should you use coupons on a date? – but it’s just one of many subtle signals that we all give off while courting the objects of our affection. And perhaps it’s these signals that could predict future financial bliss or disaster in marriage.
They say financial problems are one of the leading causes of divorce. Surely, we can learn about marital money matters from dating behavior. But how many of us could have seen the tea leaves of financial incompatibility before jumping the broom? And even if we did see the warning signs, would we have taken heed in the midst of love in bloom?
It’s easy to overlook statements made jokingly like “Mastercard is hunting me down,” “Sallie Mae is my slave master,” or “You’re my sugar daddy,” when two people are misty-eyed in love.
Yet, who hasn’t ignored a boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s pile of unopened bills on the kitchen table, or the fact that they’re driving a late model Lexus but always complaining about having no money.
In the midst of relationship bliss, mundane details such as financial compatibility get shoved to the side. A new Zendough.com survey discovered that, before tying the knot, one out of four people avoided conversations about finances completely. Only 24% of couples had a significant discussion about finances, and drew up a family budget before walking down the aisle.
When wedding bells can be heard in the near distance, financial red flags are often ignored completely.
Do you think money behaviors exhibited during dating predict financial problems or success later on in marriage? What are some of the red flags that past dating partners gave off, warning you they may not be good marriage material?
And, would you be offended if your spouse or boyfriend (girlfriend) pulled out a coupon on a date?
Every Monday you can find great insight and tips on managing your greenbacks by Dr. Charles Alonzo Peters of MochaMoney.com here on BlackandMarriedWithKids.com.
It wouldn’t be a problem unless he jump-started me off with a lie…starting me off eating steak,but later on start sliping me hamburger…now that would start a problem…Just come out real,let me deal with the after shock.In my earlier year of courting,I was taking out to lunch at the salvation army,don’t get my wrong…It didn’t offened me,just shocking and all…I would take myself there,if it would safe me a buck…no,not with a men on my first date…enough is enough…now the red flag must go up…If i go cheap,let me be alone…I believe in counting pennies…But, when it come to being out with my husband,I will be served with the richest…..Leave the coupon for me,on a later day.
Yes I’d have to agree. There’s frugal, then there’s CHEAP -LOL
I wanted to say this …I have slip a coupon in my husband coat pocket,before leaving going to the grocery store,but he never spent them …I just didn’t want to put myself on the spot of being to cheap…When i told him about it ,it really offended him,cause he wanted to be the men at that moment,he constantly telling me it’s nice,you love to safe,in that way,but you have went overbroad with it,I’M OUT OF CONTROL…that i went to a fast food place,and order me a kids meal,I JUST COULDN’T SPENT THAT EXTRA DOLLAR,AND SOME CHANGE…My husband is so embarrass of me now,that he walk in front of me,trying to order the food before i get there…cause i’m going to ask the cashier.for the senior citizen discount,and he hate that,he say that only fifty cents,but that fifty CENT WE COULD HAVE SAFE,so what i’m doing now,every pennies,i safe with him,will be his father day gift,then i wanted to see will that valor him to do the same…
Ok coupons for the grocery store fine. But men aren’t into that so if you want to do that go to the store yourself. And your man may not want to be thought of as a senior citizen.
50 cents or whatever is not worth your man’s pride. And his father’s day gift should not be conditional on whether he’s complied with your wishes or not, it’s about him being a father not about how much you got your way with his pocket.
I expect to be treated the way I treat others, and no, I would never take someone out on a first date and use a coupon. That says I can’t afford to be out in the first place. To me coupons to eat are things you use to eat out with family or by yourself. Not with friends and not with potential S.O.’s.
I think money problems shown before a marriage definitely predict success or failure during the manage. It CAN be managed by some very strict separation of finances and never applying for joint anything except one joint account to pay household (rent/mortgage, utilities, family vacations, home repairs/improvements) out of. And something in the pre-nup stating that all debt in x person’s name belongs to x person only, all debt acquired during the marriage will be in one person’s name or the other and belong to that person only to pay off. I mean literally live like roommates who share only the things that both must use no matter what (housing and utilities).
So that is one way to handle situations where one is a saver with good credit (or none), and one is a spender with bad credit (or none). Or where one has little debt and more cash and one has lots of debt and little cash.
And what would really help is if the person who is the financial liability is mature enough to say hey, look, if we merge, I have a lot of money issues that will tie income up…and take the responsibility to keep those separate and have a plan to pay them off. It’s an embarrassing sign of a lack of maturity to not be able to look debt in the eye and have a plan for paying it off. Even if it’s paying the minimum on time for the rest of one’s natural life, at least it’s a start!
You also have to consider that someone who shirks financial responsibilities to himSELF might well shirk financial responsibilities to OTHERS…and of course no one who’s never been married thinks of this, but in case of divorce that person’s inability to handle money well is going to probably be a headache for the next person especially if there are CHILDREN involved. I think people need to wakeup and realize it’s not just personalities and body chemistries that need to be compatible…in this day and age where money makes and breaks so many lives we need to make sure we are financially worth marrying. And that doesn’t mean being rich but that does mean being low on debt and steady on a sensible payment plan to pay off high debt.
I also think no one should get married without seeing each other’s credit reports, all 3 of them, from within the last 6 months, and getting each other’s full background check (including driving record), from within the last 6 months, and getting the full health screening/testing, from within the last 6 months! Not only because people tend to hide serious embarrassing things but because people can simply have issues in these reports that they were not even aware of. It’s possible to marry someone with a bad history in any of these areas, but you can’t figure out how to handle it if you don’t even know about it until too late.
Very WELL SAID!! ….I think I am just gonna AGREE cause you have pretty much spoke nothing but TRUTH!! 🙂
AMEN. Well said. I’m a firm believer that you should know yourself financially (bad habits, debt, credit score, etc) before you even think about merging financially, spiritually or emotionally with someone else.
First date, no coupon. However, if money is an issue, there are many reasonable restaurant options that allow two people to eat and not spend that much money. I wouldn’t have minded a first date at a wing place or somewhere fun and casual that gave me a chance to get to know a man in a lighthearted setting. And that date should cost in the $20-$30 range… if you can’t come up with that, well, maybe you shouldn’t be dating!
(I’m assuming we’re talking about two working people. If we’re talking about college students, that’s a different issue.)
When two people are a couple, coupons are fine. In fact, I think it’s good that the couple is trying to budget and have fun within its means.
But I think a coupon on a first date just gives off a bad impression, really… and yes, it’s one that on the surface indicates that a man is deliberately trying to be cheap versus being budget-conscious and creative.
Hey, on my third date with my husband, I was the one who pulled out a coupon for the restaurant and put it in the bill holder… that was my surprise to him and he really
appreciated my concern.
>>>>Hey, on my third date with my husband, I was the one who pulled out a
coupon for the restaurant and put it in the bill holder… that was my
surprise to him and he really
appreciated my concern <<<<<
Trust me, men do appreciate small gestures like that.
I think the usage of coupons on the first date is a bold gesture. Most likely, it means that the person is not ashamed to show you his/her real side when it comes to money, which is always a sensitive topic to discuss among couples. It may mean a lot of things, but at least your date is being true.
Ridiculous. Any man that pulls out a coupon on a first date, does not need to be dating. Also, sends the signal that once AGAIN, black women need to be grateful that someone even asked them out because they are not worth the time, especially financially. A coupon would indicate to me that this is the low bar that I can be ready to expect in any “relationship”, let alone a 2nd or 3rd date. Which would NOT be happening. I know too many men that are affluent, do-well and are creative on dates and do NOT need to use their money or status to impress anyone. They set the bar at their comfort level because they are CONFIDENT in themselves and SECURE in their finances. They do not need to rely on gimmicks, games or transferring their financial inabilities and irresponsibility as the responsibility of the sisters. Never fear, a relationship would never come from this behavior because a 2nd date would never happen. EVER.
It has been nearly 19 yrs since our first date and we were young teens at that, but I would not be offended by the use of coupons although he didn’t use one then. As the time passed and we enjoyed regular dates, 3-4 times a week, we did use coupons, restaurant deals, etc. As a mother, aunt, and mentor I make it my business to teach young people the difference between fast money and a decent savings. If a man spends without thinking than I would be worried about our financial future.
I am jannet,from what I can read. It has been sad news and scam to everyone about Voodoo casters or so. But to me they are so real cause one worked for me not quite two weeks. I traveled down to where his shrine his and we both did the ritual and sacrifice. and now me and my ex are living very ok now.I don’t know about you but Voodoo is real;love marriage,finance, job promotion ,lottery Voodoo,poker voodoo,golf Voodoo,Law & Court case Spells,money voodoo,weigh loss voodoo,any sicknesses voodoo,Trouble in marriage,it’s all he does. I used my money to purchase everything he used he never collected a dime from. He told me I can repay him anytime with anything from my heart. Now I don’t know how to do that. If you can help or you need his help write him on [email protected] Thank you.
If you can’t go to red lobester you should not be on dates