By Dr. Charles Alonzo Peters
It seems when it comes to love size does matter. At least when it comes to the engagement ring.
We’ve been caught up in one of the greatest marketing ploys of all time. Right up there with paying a 1000% markup to drink water from a plastic bottle.
You know the typical Hollywood script. The newly engaged woman bursting at the seams waiting to dish the news to her girlfriends. The scene ending with everyone oooh-ing and ahhh-ing over a rock larger than the size of Texas.
For some women the ring bling has become a status symbol. They may not like to admit but a big ring lets them preen like a peacock. “Yes I have a man and he loves me. See the size of my ring?”
Can’t blame them. We men show off all the time, whether it’s with our clothes, our cars, or our b-ball game.
But the funny thing about diamonds is that their price is artificially inflated. Diamonds in fact aren’t all that rare. The De Beers diamond cartel at one point controlled 90% of the world’s diamonds. It was this monopoly power and advertising genius that had us paying big bucks to declare our love and devotion.
They’ve even help perpetrate the “rule” all good men should follow. A diamond ring should set a man back at least two to three months salary. Now how you gonna have the nerve to tell us how much cash to spend?
And the pressure on a brotha to purchase a decent ring is intense. Give your sweetie a pebble and you’ll be scorned for life. Her friends will give you thooose looks – “There goes that the cheap Negro.”
And to top it off many men have to make the purchase when they’re relatively young, just starting off in life, not yet making the top dollar.
But that doesn’t matter for DeBeers, Jared, Tiffany and the other diamond leeches with their 100% to 300% mark-ups. Like it or not they’ve made the diamond a symbol of our love. Maybe a diamond revolt is in order.
Perhaps the upgrade plan is the smart choice for some of us: start off small then upgrade the ring at 5, 15, and 25 years when the income better matches the rock size. Perhaps another gemstone could do the job and it would grab attention at a fraction of the price.
Now I hear what some of you are saying. “This cheap Black man complaining about the price of my ring – what nerve. I don’t see him writing about how I don’t get paid enough to keep a home, work a job, and put up with my man’s crap.”
And to that I say – perhaps you have a point.
Women put up with a lot. Perhaps a brotha should have to shell out some major dough. You know, as a down payment for all the future triflng stuff he’s bound to put his woman through later.
And if a man truly loved you wouldn’t he have the right mind to save up ahead of time?
So BMWK, how do feel about the rock? Does the size of the ring matter? Would you’ve been disappointed if your man had proposed with an undersized rock? Have any of you considered a rock other than a diamond?
Every Monday you can find great insight and tips on managing your greenbacks by Dr. Charles Alonzo Peters of MochaMoney.com here on BlackandMarriedWithKids.com.
Anitasemien says
When my husband bought my first ring I did’t think he had any money. I loved that ring and the pin size diamond did’t matter because he gave it to me. I later found out he had almost thirty thousand dollars in the bank at the time. After 32 years with him it still hurt my feeling because he did’t think I was worth more. I married him because I loved him more than life itself.
Jonesi says
Did you all ever discuss this? What was his reasoning & how have you been able to let the disappointment of your discovery go?
Aminahc1 says
Maybe he had $30k in the bank in the first place because he wasn’t into buying more than he could afford? Just sayin’….
Aminahc1 says
Maybe he had $30k in the bank in the first place because he wasn’t into buying more than he could afford? Just sayin’….
Alonzo says
I can understand the pain. While there is something to being frugal, at times we can take it a little too far. Have you ever talked to him about it? Perhaps he just didn’t “get it” at the time.
Tavi22 says
Wow, i don’t know what i would have done, probably kill him. Maybe he was saving up for hard times which is much more important, again a ring is a symbol, but through that symbol, some love should be exspressed.
Frsprings says
how much did your wedding cost and did you all buy a house soon after?
Aminahc1 says
I have always refused to wear diamonds because of this racket. I have a plain gold band, have been married for five years, and it’s been the best five years of my life. To hell with the diamond companies, their rape of Africa, and their brainwashing tactics.
Aminahc1 says
I have always refused to wear diamonds because of this racket. I have a plain gold band, have been married for five years, and it’s been the best five years of my life. To hell with the diamond companies, their rape of Africa, and their brainwashing tactics.
Alonzo says
Yeah I didn’t even mention the diamond exploitation aspect. Although there has been a recent concerted world wide effort to track the origins of all diamonds, you still have to wonder in the back of your mind whether or not your diamond helped fuel wars in Africa.
Danni says
YES! I forbid my babe from buying me anything with a diamond. The only diamond I rock now is a family heirloom because it has sentimental value and it’s only pulled out for traditional family events.
TheMrs says
This reminds me of my very good friend when she became engaged maybe 12 yrs ago. I was one of the first she showed her ring to in the friend circle and my mouth dropped, because I couldn’t see the diamond but the look of pure happiness on her face spoke volumes. I remember other friends clowning the couple about the size of the ring but I told someone who was talking about them behind their back “and you are still waiting for your enormous ring while she is planning her wedding!!!”
I personally am a diamond girl and have had several diamond anniversary rings over the years that I adore…actually the one I have on now is only a 1/2 karat but but you could never tell because of the setting.
I’d love to see what some single woman are saying about this topic…might explain why they are still single!!!
Anonymous says
I’m not a big jewelry person, so the size of the rock didn’t matter at all to me. I was happy with the size of my first engagement ring and my now-husband had to practically force me to take an upgrade.
I personally like Dr. Peters upgrade plan. Getting a bigger rock over the years shows how much time you have put into the marriage, which is a much better bragging point than the size of an engagement ring. I mean, how many celebrities have we seen with million-dollar rocks, but don’t last a decade or even half a one?
Yana says
The ring does matter, it is symbolic of the marriage afterall, so why would it be ok for it to be anything less then something you would be proud to look down at every day? I know some will argue that maybe he hasn’t reached the point in life where he can afford something nice, and to that I say….wait until you can. I don’t think a man should ask for a woman’s hand in marriage if he has not reached the financial position in life to fully take care of a wife. I get really tired of women being so hard pressed to be married that they are willing to accept whatever in the name of love. You teach men how to treat you. Continue to accept whatever and whatever is exactly what you will continue to get. Case in point, I have two friends who went so far as to pay for their own rings, as well as their spouses rings. To me that is unacceptable. Truth be told them doing so ended up setting the tone for their relationships. The men ended up being lazy, dependant, spineless and ultimately the women carried the relationship. Coincedentally both marriages have since crumbled. There is nothing shallow about wanting to look down at your hand and liking what you see! For the record I am happily married and in love with my ring and my husband and if that makes me shallow….so be it!
Blessed1 says
I understand what you are saying but just because he can’t financially get the ring that’s 3-4 carats that someone would want as an engagement ring does not mean that he can’t afford to finacially take care of or marry the woman. Some men think bigger than just the ring and there are some women that think like that too…
Aminahc1 says
I certainly agree with the idea that women should not accept whatever in the name of love, but I also think that’s more of a character question than a money question. And says who that the ring is symbolic of marriage? The marriage rate in the black community is absolutely abysmal. What if a man is in school but wants to do the right thing and marry a woman now? I just don’t see how an object (dictated by the diamond industry) should be the admission price for something that could bring them both a lot of blessings and happiness. I think the character of a man is so much more important than what he can afford.
I’m not into that. I told my husband to buy me a cheap ring and take me on a trip somewhere instead. That ring can be lost, stolen, sold, but my trip will be a part of me forever.
Alonzo says
I definitely can understand both sides of the argument. Should we really let brotha’s off easy if he can afford it. True it may set them back some but there are not many things that you’ll keep longer than a diamond ring.
You’ll continually replace most of the material possessions in your life including expensive items like cars, appliances, televisions. But most women I know will have their engagement ring for the rest of their lives (or until they get divorced)
Billyholiday says
Please REPEAT this for all these tired men that seem to think it’s OK for black women to just put up and get along with their broke arses until they can get their money together.
My white, East Indian and Asian girls don’t have to have these stupid discussions because they would NEVER marry someone that could not provide for them financially and they are NEVER expected too.
I’m West Indian and my family would laugh the brother out of the building if he ever came with that BS
Kendrick Staley says
I have white, East Indian and Asian friends also and many of them have simple wedding bands no bling bling. They also drive simple cars and do other things that are within their means in order to best prepare for their future and reach their long-term goals.
Where does it say marry a man that cant support you financially? The question was specifically about the size of the ring, not his ability to provide for his wife and future family. Two totally different questions in my opinion!
Naomi Says says
Interesting point! I can see your point, but being that I married my high school sweet heart at 19 who at the time was a janitor is on the contrary. My first ring was $150 out of Walmart. It was the love, dedication and commitment that we shared that brought us to our 14th vowel renewal, where I got the JARED’s $4,500 ring. Sharing our love through school and careers, we were able to grow together emotionally, spiritually, and financially. I don’t believe the size of the ring matters its the size of the heart that should matter. http://www.naomisays.net
Ginagate says
I have to agree; nobody says you have to buy the Hope Diamond, but do buy the best you can afford. A lot of guys whine about the Four C’s, because they just want to be cheap and not put any effort into the purchasing of it. She is wearing this symbol of commitment for the rest of your lives — you really want her walking around, hiding her hand (or not wearing it at all) because you wanted to be cheap?
And it doesn’t have to be a diamond — sapphires are beautiful, and so are emeralds. Antique gems have character and beauty not found in modern settings.
I’m married and love the ring my husband bought me, and just like my mother did, hope to upsize for our 10th anniversary.
Blessed1 says
Well I am a single lady here with my comment and I would have to say that I am definitely a diamond girl.. I love them and I love rings.. I have to stop myself from going into jewlry stores to just look at them and from fantasizing (ms?) from them but as much as I would LOVE to have that rock on my finger, in my heart I would be happy with whatever the gentleman who decides to propose to me offers me… It’s the love that I have for him that matters more to me than anything… I may be disappointed at first but I don’t want no broke future husband or in debt just starting a marriage because of what my dream ring is and the cost of our wedding and honeymoon. No, absolutely not.. Get what he can afford and gradually become bigger throughout the years…
Happyb98 says
I am a less is more type of girl. I knew I didn’t want something small, so 1-2 carats is ALL I was willing to go for. I think the celebrity rocks are just gaudy and ugly. For my 5 year anniversary, I think I am going to just wearing a band. I am really in love with the black diamonds, so that’s the route I’m going. I wish I had known more about them when I got engaged because I would have forgone the traditional diamond for that. I love being different! =)
Protrepo says
That’s why I love my wife! She refused a diamond engagement ring for the exact reasons mentioned in the article. On top of that she is socially against diamonds because the possibility of them being “blood” diamonds. So, I am required to be creative when picking out jewelry for her.
https://christianfamilyblog.com
Amber says
This is a gray area, IMO. It, honestly, depends on the couple. My husband opted to include me and what I wanted in his plans to purchase me an engagement ring. I didn’t want the traditional princess or round cut center diamond, but a trillion instead. While I don’t think that a ring defines the relationship, I do believe that a ring should be proportionate to the income. For instance, it’s not cool (IMO) to make half a million dollars a year and think that you’re gonna buy me a 1/4 TCW diamond made up of several little diamonds. It’s not always about the size, but also the quality and the spirit in which it was given.
Kimmieshimmie76 says
For me, I like tradition. All I need is for the man to get down on one knee wherever and ask me to marry him !!! The man I am with now I know he has good taste so I trust his judgment in a ring. He also was the first man I met that knew the so called money rule for the ring. I really don’t care. As long as I have him and we love each other I’m good. I tell him that all the time and he just has his own traditions and what he would like to do for his woman, so whatever he decides is fine by me !
Tjames2775 says
As a woman who is in a very serious relationship, my boyfriend and I have discussed our futures together on several occasssions. I have to admit that secretly I have daydreamed about exactly “what” if “ever” the ring would look like. I’ve always liked nice things, but I also believe that nice doesn’t have to mean breaking the bank! My prayer is that my fiance’ knows me, my style, and our goals as a couple well enough to know how to purchase something stylish and also within his means. I think I would be more upset if he went into debt for a ring, and the same money could have been applied to maybe to buy some land, a house down payment, or investment in some type of CD or money market account! ***Sidenote***
Please don’t get me wrong….a girl has done her research, and there are many other options besides the blood diamonds that we have all become accustomed to….and Eco-friendly lab created diamonds are just as brilliant without the high price tags attached (and even have a warranty)! 😉
Alonzo says
I find those lab created diamonds to be an interesting option. Of course De Beers has already begun a marketing campaign where they stress that their diamonds are “natural”. But I’d consider a lab created diamond any day over a “natural” one that causes so much environmental damage.
Rubygriffin36 says
A diamond ring is beautiful…but,it don’t defined love in my book, cause if i’m in love he can give me the ring off of the cigar….or a ring out of a bubble gum machine,even better we can share a two-seater bike,cause everything shine isn’t gold…
Billyholiday says
As usual, a black man has to find a way to diminish one of the tangents of marriage (getting engaged), to the base level of money, causing the black woman to once AGAIN have to lessen her expectations and diminish her requirements in what she wants.
Is nothing sacred anymore? Are we allowed to have NOTHING? Or should we be so grateful that a man put a ring on our finger that we take any damn chip of any stone of any value whatsoever, because God knows WE are clearly not worth it to you.
Am so SICK of these stupid articles. The ring DOES matter. Get over it.
Bethany Nicole says
Im sorry, I dont remember an engagement ring being one of the “tangents of marriage”. I definitely do not recall it being sacred. I dont think an inanimate object is an equation of worth, rather the day to day respect; the love, honor, and cherish, is a better indicator of the value a man feels for his wife.
Moabmu says
It depends on the circumstances and preference – in my humble opinion, it makes absolutely no financial sense to sport a 3-4 carat ring, and not have a pot to piss in, i.e., paying/charging $10K plus for a ring, but not having the same amount (or more) of cash on hand for a down payment on a home O_O, uumm no – (as many couples tend to do all for the sake of the guy being able to brag about the rock he bought his fiance, and the woman being able to show the rock off to friends and family). Upgrading is always an option. I’d rather have a small ring, a warm, happy, inviting home that I own, with money in the bank – than a huge rock on my finger, paying the RENT.
On the other hand, if finances are in order and the guy can AFFORD the ring, as well as the couple having a good bit of money after everything is said and done, I see no reason not to make the investment. It’s all about priorities.
Some men can afford the big kahuna straight out the gate, some can’t (just yet).
I’ve seen too many couples go all out for the ring, only to get divorced two years (or less) after the wedding. The size of a ring does not symbolize the amount of love in the relationship. Most women want the man, the ring, and all the fancy things of the world. However, at the end of the day, we want love, peace, and happiness more – and not a single inanimate object, no matter how beautiful, can give you that.
L. Marie Joseph says
When my husband proposed we were both broke. He brought a ring that was average. I was just happy to get married, I did not care of the size (then again I’m not a materislistic woman) 10 years later we are still together and we have build so much wealth together over the years. Of course now we can afford an upgrade in my ring. But I refuse, I love it because it came from the heart and it is paid for. It reminds me of how far we came. It matters where you going not where you start.
Most people that flash these big rings they are still financing it and making payments. “I rather go to bed hungry than to wake up in debt”
Wwwdotgirl says
For me, the ring didn’t and has not mattered. Twenty–three years of marriage to a man who loves and provides for me and our children is what really matters.
Ashleigh L.A. says
This conversation is interesting. Personally, I’d be weary of someone that would drop 2-3k on an engagement ring. That money could be put towards the actual wedding or something more important like a house. Also, I think it’s silly to say a man shouldn’t marry a woman if he can’t financially support her. This isn’t the 1950s. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to build an empire together.
Mrs M~~~OH says
I agree regarding the finances. Marrying someone with no ambition and willingness to assist in the household is not the same as supporting each other. I know many who married partially for love but mostly for money who spends days being obsessed with material things to replace what’s missing. I’ll admit, I went for the ring because I look down at it every day and even bypassed a formal wedding opting for a cookout at our home so there were no worries about per plate or kids attending. We used the money that would have been spend on a wedding reinvesting in our home’s landscaping and outdoor living. But to each its own!
Lisa says
If a man makes $70K or more a year, $2-3K on an engagement ring is not too much for him to spend.
Terrance Gaines says
When I proposed to my then girlfriend, I didn’t even have a ring. I wrapped a little ribbon around her finger. Later, we picked out (and payed for) our rings together.
Seven years and two beautiful daughters later…
…Well, I’ll let you guess which side of the argument I’m on.
Terrance Gaines says
When I proposed to my then girlfriend, I didn’t even have a ring. I wrapped a little ribbon around her finger. Later, we picked out (and payed for) our rings together.
Seven years and two beautiful daughters later…
…Well, I’ll let you guess which side of the argument I’m on.
Nona says
This is the dumbest debate ever. I am a single woman, and I don’t care about the size of a ring. I care about the size of the man’s heart. His spirit. That is a superficial way of determining the worth of a man.
Aja Dorsey Jackson says
I think it matters as much as the two people getting married think it matters. I like my ring. It’s not huge, it’s not tiny. I think it is in line with what my husband could reasonably afford at the time. But because I’m not sporting the Hope diamond doesn’t mean that my husband couldn’t afford to support a family. I think the “size of the ring is proportionate to love” is just a bunch of crap we made up. People Black, White and otherwise have been getting married forever with all different types of rings, or no rings at all. It just comes down to what you value as a couple. I would think that the women that need to show off the big ring value it enough to be with the men that will buy it for them.
Anna says
I got married w/out a ring or a wedding. We had a ceremony. It’s been almost 14 yrs. I think it’s just as equal to say that to some men, the size of the ring is not that important, to some women the size answers the question of whether they will get married or not. Depending on who is answering the question, a ring should cost the equlivent of 3 months to a yrs. salary. I say wouldn’t it be better to have a “Nest Egg”? Unforeseen things happen all the time, the surprise of a bundle of joy, losing a job, health issues. I don’t know any woman that is going to sacrifice her 4k diamond ring to help keep the bills going if a unplanned event happenes. I wear a Anniversay Ring. After almost 14 yrs. I don’t find it odd that I now want a Wedding Set. My Annivesary Ring has multiple diamonds, I would love an engagment ring w/the K of the total weight of my Anniversay Ring(a single diamond)w/a wedding band. For me it’s the lenght of the marriage and I earned it, I even printed out pics of the rings I have in mind to my husband. LOL. I’m done “hinting”. I’m going straight for the kill now. LOL.
Jojo13 says
I don’t belive this!! What has black relationships have come to, we should be ashamed of ourselves for what we have become. Are we that shallow and insecure about who we are that rings cars and other material crap defines how much we love one another? I’m a black man who has been working since the age of 13 not because i wanted to because I had to. I hear some of you on here talking about a man should’nt marry until he is able financially, really? Why does the size of the ring define love only in black marriage, because we as black people are shallow, not all but majority. Black women feel they have to be the Peacock of the relationship, if a man asks a womans hand in marrage and presents an engagement ring not worthy of her standards she should leave! Get out of the relationship and find someone with a rock worthy of her love, because the moment you start judging you partners notice I said partner on the amout of money he spends on you when it come to a ring you have self esteem issues. If you think that he loves you because you have a big ring you are already in a bad relationship, because you can be bought. The “Ring” is merely a symbol to ohers that you are committed to someone, THAT ALL. Think of it this way if you were on a island with no one else around would it matter? But what should matter is how you communicate and enjoy each other. question when was the last time you heard a white woman tell her husband the ring he bough was not worthy of her love, I’m sure it happens but it’s never an issue worth comparing his love to
Lisa says
I hear white women saying it all the time, actually. Much more than black women, honestly.
Rubygriffin36 says
Be on the real side,when i first got married,we couldn’t afford a ring,so we has to work in the field for a couple of week or more,just to buy a ring,out of a country store,down the road from where we stay….Back then it didn’t matter,right now,i still don’t have a ring,the point is anybody can pay a ring,the moral is,Where is the love…then again,there been a lot of diamond ring brought…but,what love got to do with it…
Anonymous says
I am curious to know whether those that place great value on the size of the ring also place great value on the size of the wedding as well. Over the years, I have been saddened by too many women who have been all about getting the big ring and the lavish wedding, only to find out that they weren’t prepared (or even eager) for the marriage to come. The biggest rings and flashiest parties have sometimes come and gone with the shortest marriages.
I feel a man should give from his heart – what ever he feels will honor and symbolize his bond with his future wife. My husband gave me a lovely, but conservative ring that I have been proud to wear. He did not go into debt for my vanity or to impress my friends; more importantly, he secured our future by purchasing our first home and helping me to complete a doctorate with minimal student loans (while being the sole financial provider for family of 4 (with our 2 children)). Being an unwavering provider and offering his support has meant more to me than any rock could. On our 10th anniversary, we purchased new rings for each other because we had the means and desire, not to keep up with the Jones. And this year we celebrate our 15th… 🙂
Ashleigh_gaskin says
I got married to a wonderful man who actually listens to me and got me the ring of my dreams (1/4k diamond with an asymetrical white gold band). I have really long fingers and think that a big rock would just look gaudy on me. I cried when I had to take it off because my hands swelled during my pregnancy. It’s a small ring, but something I keep close to my heart (on a chain) because it was the first gift I had ever gotten from someone who really knew me, and knew what I truly wanted, and didn’t get something he couldn’t afford because that’s what other people wanted me to have. The size of the ring doesn’t matter. The size of his love for me and my feelings and opinions do.
Frsprings says
i picked out my ring myself and insisted we go to a pawn shop because of the huge mark up at most stores.it was unique (i see a lot of women with the same ring or ring style b/c of where they were purchased) and just right for me (i don’t wear much jewelery buy i think theres a fine line between classy and gaudy), i get so many compliments and on top of that i planned my wedding on a very small budget. not what my husband wanted but as long as i was happy he was fine (especially since he didn’t notice the difference). while we were dating i let him shower me with flowers and gifts but when we became one it was time to be smart and tone it down.
TrillionGal says
I think diamonds are beautiful and lovely, but I am also practical. I’d rather spend my money on other things and not sink a ton in diamonds, especially when other gemstones are such a lovely option. When my husband and I were dating, I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of him spending 2-3 months salary on a ring. He bought himself a used motorcycle on a whim a few years prior to our engagement, and I told him that the amount that he was able to comfortably spend on a bike without a lot of forethought and planning would be a reasonable amount to spend on a ring. I certainly wouldn’t demand that he spend more on me than he was comfortable spending on himself!
When we got married, I got a simple, plain band, and I am thrilled to death with my simple ring. It is way more practical than my lovely 1.5 ctw e-ring (1ct center), which I only wear on occasion. It is lovely, but a bit impractical for daily wear IMO.
Abstract says
My wife and I are approaching our ten year anniversary in a couple of months, All Praise due to God, and when we got married I didn’t have much to give to her (we both had just graduated from college). Needless to say her ring was and is small. Fact: She is way overdue for an upgrade.
But this is where real life plays in…our two children will both be starting private school this year and the costs are ridiculous…should we wait one year and get her a big ring? Or invest in our children education? For us this is a no brainer. Invest in our future.
Fact still remains I want to get her a bigger ring but with the economy tanking the way it is my question to the ladies would be what defines a big ring? 1 ct, 2 ct, 3ct???
Bluegreen Kirk says
I don’t understand what the cost has to do with a man actually loving a woman. If he spent the 30k on a ring and was cheating on you would you be happier? A lot of people disagree with spend a lot of money on a ring.
Marlicioso says
Do I get an engagement flat screen? Down payment on an engagement Lotus? I mean…it’s only right.
Jonesi says
To be honest, I initially felt the ring did matter (at 23yrs old) and symbolized the level of sacrifice a man is willing to make in order to convey his love and value for his future wife. That’s where my head was at the time. It wasn’t necessarily the ring (as stated previously, it could be lost, stolen….whatever) but moreso the gesture itself. What I feel some women are striving to articulate is not wanting to feel as if the purchase wasn’t made without some level of sacrifice – yet, with much thought and desire to please.
HOWEVER, after almost two years of marriage this mentality is severly problematic in the grand scheme of life when viewed in the wrong context. While I do not feel the engagement ring is sacred, it is symbolic – very big difference. I just thank God I have a two hands and all ten fingers a ring can rest on. A loving, intelligent, devoted, working spouse. It’s a process of internal maturation I don’t think is fair to expect some (surely, not all – many DO get it!) single people to fully understand. Get married, go through some things, make it out of the fire then sure enough one will realize how invaluable a ring truly is when compared to a healthy thriving union.
Lisa says
I’m with Aja in saying that it all depends on the couple.
Now, I don’t believe the size of the ring defines a couple’s love at all. I also don’t go by guidelines of how much of a man’s salary should go towards a ring.
However, my general rule of thumb was that a man should be able to purchase something pleasing to his future wife within reasonable boundaries. If he’s willing to drop major cash on something nice for himself, he should put the same amount toward an engagement ring. If the couple consists of two young struggling folks, the cost of the ring should be about the cost of something he’d be willing to splurge on himself. Like if he came up with the money to buy an Xbox, but is crying broke about buying a ring, then that’s a problem. However, if all he has is the money to buy a $500 ring and he’s willing to spend it, but the future wife expects more, then that’s a problem as well.
It’s up to the couple to decide if they want diamonds, a plain gold band, some other stone, lab-created diamonds, etc… but, the general rule of thumb to me should be that the cost of an engagement ring should be equal to something really nice that a man could afford to splurge on himself, but instead uses it to give to his future wife. If he can afford to splurge on a luxury car, he can afford an expensive ring for his future wife. If the most he can afford to splurge on is a nice video-game system, then that’s what he should spend on the engagement ring.
And a good woman’s expectations should be based on what she knows her man can and cannot afford. She should not expect him to go broke for her, but she has every right to be upset if he finds money to spend on himself, but goes super cheap when it comes to her ring.
Anonymous says
First of all, I would have been more impressed with the article if it had less spelling and grammatical errors.
That being said, the cost of a ring may or may not demonstrate the level of love or commitment. For some guys, 3 months’ salary would be equal to the down payment on a home and they wouldn’t really feel it. For others, it would be the value of a very old used car and would render them homeless. But either way, a very nice ring can be purchased for a reasonable price. I do not know who made up this crazy rule about how much an engagement ring should cost, but they are very wrong. How strange is it that a wedding band, which seals the deal, costs a whole lot less than an engagement ring, which is based on a PROMISE to marry. In many societies, the only ring a woman receives is a wedding band. We have given in to the De Beers diamond market mentality. Black people mine these diamonds under the worst of conditions for minimum pay and then, when the stones are cut and polished, Black folk can barely afford them.
However, brothers, a woman deserves a ring that is significant enough for her to be able to see the stone without a microscope, and it should sparkle, not have a whole lot of flaws and inclusions. If it is cut correctly and placed in a beautiful setting, a 3/4 carat diamond would glisten in the sun and set you back a lot less than 3 months’ salary. But don’t downplay the significance or the value of a diamond ring, a ruby with tiny diamonds around it, or an emerald. Whatever the stone or the setting, please give us something that our friends do not have to use a magnifying glass to see. A splinter in a thin gold band is not going to cut it. Shopping for an engagement ring at the kiosk in the mall is not acceptable. Step up your game. Make it something that you would be proud to show your friends and that she would be excited about. Better yet, shop with her for the ring, so that you do not cause any disappointment.
Anonymous says
Some of these comments are absolutely absurd! My husband and I married at the beginning of the year. When we discussed marriage I refused for him to buy a real diamond. I have the look that I want but at the price that I felt comfortable with my 25 year old husband paying. I will NOT succumb to pressures of society and I will not set my husband or my marriage up for failure because “I just have to have the real thing or he doesn’t love me” Our love is not defined buy a diamond our love is just as real (or beyond if you’re that shallow) that you emptied your bank account for a blood diamond. Because of our smart choices we are homeowners at the young age of 25 3 months into our marriage (with instant equity!!). You really ought to look at cubic zirconia as an option. I receive jaw dropping comments on my ring daily. Check out http://www.carat.co their work is amazing and it will not turn your finger green (read the recommendations of the site). You can wear it everyday, wash with it, and anything else you please. Ladies, please get over your unrealistic, unfair, and downright silly expectations. Let’s build something with our husband’s and a legacy for our children! I know that we are! I have my master’s and I am a therapist while my husband is a firefighter and as of now we have no children. Brother’s and sisters let’s plan our lives and make smart decisions not frivolous ones!! Groupthink will have you broke, lonely, selfish, egotistical, & plain silly! Stop putting so much energy into material things and love your husband or wife!
Marcclarke says
When my future wife and I were dating we went to a few jewelry stores and I wanted to get a feel for what kind of ring she liked from the very expensive to the modest. Her favorite ring was actually a beautiful ring closer to the modest side and that’s the ring I got. She got me a really nice ring with diamonds also and after more than ten years I can’t wait to get her a killer ring. Her positive energy about the whole ring thing made me love her even more and the fact that she wanted my ring to be more than just a simple band but something good looking also made me happy. That ‘s my Boo
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Islamic amber rosary says
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