Writers at Money magazine asked the question: Which would you rather have ““ a bad case of the flu or a relative ask you for a large loan?
Not surprisingly, more than two thirds of the survey respondents answered they would rather suffer through the flu.
Lending money to relatives can turn into a real sticky situation, altering the dynamics of the relationship. As the Bible says, “The borrower is servant to the lender,” eluding to the subtle changes that occur when one person borrows from another.
Suddenly that Superbowl party turns awkward if you owe the host a few thousand dollars. The conversation at Thanksgiving dinner can become tense when you’re indebted to your obnoxious brother-in-law.
An old joke goes, “The best way to get rid of your in-laws is to lend them money.”
On the flip side, refusing to lend money can become uncomfortable as well. If you refuse to lend a relative money for fear of it turning into a difficult situation, then how do you decline lending them money without it becoming a sticky situation? It seems you can’t win.
And what do you do when you find the sister you lent money to sporting a new $400 Coach purse? Do you resist the temptation to ask why you haven’t got your money back?
Personally I treat all the money I loan as a gift not expecting to get paid back, but I’ve found the variety of people’s attitudes about the subject to be quite interesting. Some families actually charge interest on the money they lend to each other. Others emphatically say they don’t lend money to anyone.
And while relatives may have some sense of obligation to pay you back eventually, is the same true of friends? Is it easier or harder to lend to someone who doesn’t share your DNA? Should you create a legal document, a promissory note, or is doing so an insult?
BMWK, what do you think? Should you lend money to friends or relatives? How do you handle requests for a loan? Have you ever been burned lending money?
Every Monday you can find great insight and tips on managing your greenbacks by Dr. Charles Alonzo Peters of MochaMoney.com here on BlackandMarriedWithKids.com.
I whole heartedly agree lending money is a difficult situation. I, like others, have been burned and had to end relationships because of money loans. “You live and you learn”.
Now, I don’t lend anymore than I can afford to give away. If a person comes to me asking for $500, I will respond, I don’t have that much to lend but I can lend you $100 (or whatever I can stand to let go at that time).
What burns me up is when a person actually has the audacity to get attitudinal when you ask them for YOUR money back!?!
I learn a long time ago lending money to your friend or family is a no-n0…Family alway thinking you own thing something…A friend thinking you alway suppose to give them something…but each it on…just no your cut out point that all i’m saying…
It’s a blessing to be able to help others, and
I’d rather be in the giving seat, then the “having to asking seat.” If I
got it, you can get it — family or friend. The key is I NEVER LEND
MONEY! I GIVE MONEY! That way if someone feels they are able to pay me
back, it’s just a surprise for me! I NEVER look to get money back that
I GIVE to people. I
think it ironic that someone would say, “I’d rather not lose you as
a friend; I’d rather keep our friendship than to lose it lending you
money.” What is a friend is they cannot help you when you need it the most. Putting any kind of restriction on a friendship… IS NOT A TRUE FRIENDSHIP!!!! A true friend, will help a friend, and doesn’t worry
about being paid back; and equally, a true friend doesn’t abuse the fact
that their friend will help them financially. Anyone
who fears a friendship would end over money, needs to re-evaluate what friendship is, because if that is your concern, it’s not the
money they need to worry about, but if they really have authentic friendships, at
all.
I 100% agree , that goes for family as well
If you have to ask for your money back; 1) You couldn’t afford to give it away 2) It’s just tacky to ask for money back. Don’t give what you can’t afford to lose.
I’m not sure if this was directed to my statement… However, I did say in the PAST I had been burned and lost friendships over money. That was because I was trying to be a friend so much that I did LOANED money that was for something else (money I didn’t have). I wanted to help my friend and trusted they would have it back when I needed it. I don’t see that as “tacky” to hold a person to their word.
Nonetheless, like I said… You live and you learn…
Now I know better and I only lend what I can afford to give away.
You know your family members and friends! I firmly believe that in order to maintain the relationship and friendship it is best not to lend money! The other problem with lending money is that they often come back again and again!
I learned from my grandma that I should only give away what I can live without. My sister usually ask me for money and if I have it I will give it to her bc she has 3 boys to take care of but I also say ” geez sis I don’t really have it to give but you can take this but try to get it back to me”. This seems to work bc she does get it back to me even if it takes a while. Then I put it away so she can borrow it again later!