You want to protect your kids from the world. Keep them safe and warm – let them live their childhood happy and care free.
But times are tough. Foreclosures are rampant. The African-American unemployment rate is above 15% and one in four American children are now the beneficiaries of food stamps.
Despite our best efforts, the financial pressures adults face are felt by children, transmitted through subtle body language, facial expressions, and tones of voice.
How much then should parents let on about the family finances? And what do they tell little James, Kendall, or Malik when the family can longer afford to do the things they once did before the recession?
Author Amy Chua recently raised an uproar with her book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother where she explained why she challenged her kids with excessively long hours of homework and piano practice. Her expectations of A’s in every class was unwavering.
Her premise was that children are not the fragile creatures we envision them to be, but they are quiet resilient, capable of understanding and coping with more than we give them credit.
In some ways I tend to agree with Ms. Chua. My parents made us aware about all the family finances – the good, the bad, and the ugly.
It was explained to us why we used funny looking money (food stamps) to buy groceries when my dad was laid off. We were told why we couldn’t go on vacations to Disney World like the rest of the kids at my school.
No, even Santa Claus didn’t get off easy in our house.
Yes, we were allowed to believe in the myth of a red faced jolly man jumping down our chimney in the middle of the night. But my mother made it very clear that they gave Santa their hard earned money to purchase the presents he placed under the tree.
In this light I may be biased in thinking that kids can handle being told about the family finances and any problems the family is experiencing with money.
But perhaps I lived in a different time? The stresses today’s children face are nothing like the ones I faced growing up. Nowadays 5 year olds are being prepared for Harvard even before they finish the first grade.
Child molesters and predators seem to lurk around every corner. Cell phones, video games, the internet and all forms of technology mean our kids are growing up faster than ever.
Are parental money issues another burden we need to be laying on our kids? Not to mention the fact that financial pressures today are unlike anything we’ve seen before.
Although my parents struggled mightily we never suffered through a Great Recession like the one we’re experiencing now. We might have been eating beans and baloney sandwiches for dinner, but we at least we had a roof over our heads – a sense of security. With the current foreclosure crisis many of today’s children are not even guaranteed that.
How then do we walk that fine line between sheltering children and making them aware of the financial challenges many of us face?
BMWK, do you shelter your kids from family money problems? How much do you tell your children about money and the family finances?
I think it is wise to expose a child to financial reality. I remember my dad making me help him with the bills when times were rough and I saw how after he finished his Master’s degree our “Money Sessions” got shorter and dad sighed less. Then I watched him come home late at night for a few more years as he went back to school and when he finished he got a new job and bills became even less of an issue. I learned that education is a great way to improve your situation and also how to manage the bills at an early age. I saw his frustration decrease as he became better at managing the money. Of course as a child I just wanted to get done so I could shoot some hoops. But in retrospect that exposure has been invaluable in persevering in my own educational pursuits and management of my household.
I agree. That early exposure can make all the difference between a child who feels entitled and one that understands that money doesn’t grow on trees. Just because kids see $500 on their parent’s dresser doesn’t mean they have $500 to spend. (Heck after the bills are paid they may have only a few bucks left)
I agree. That early exposure can make all the difference between a child who feels entitled and one that understands that money doesn’t grow on trees. Just because kids see $500 on their parent’s dresser doesn’t mean they have $500 to spend. (Heck after the bills are paid they may have only a few bucks left)
I teach people to let their children know when there is struggle. We knew when there was no money in our households – and knew not to ask for expensive items ever. I believe when we show them how to make their own money instead of asking parents, how to live frugally, etc. – we prepare them for a successful financial future.