Today we have a special guest post by one half of the first family of soul- Aja from Kindred the Family Soul. In anticipation for tomorrow’s episode of their reality web series Six Is It where the show will chronicle the birth of their sixth child Aja dropped us a great piece on the experience of homebirth. Check it out, I think you’ll enjoy it and don’t forget to come back tomorrow to see what the birth of the new baby was like firsthand. I’ve had a sneak peak of the episode and you won’t want to miss it!
by Aja Graydon Dantzler
For some reason when you say the word homebirth, especially to black folks it conjures up some vision of an outhouse in the woods, a screaming sweating mother and an old lady holding tattered blankets with a pan of hot water. I don’t judge though because I was once that person. When I was pregnant with my first child I was new to Philadelphia and needed to find an OB/GYN. I asked my sister-in-law for a referral. She told me she had used a midwife for the birth of her son just one year prior and felt it was a great choice. It was like a foreign word to me. Midwife. So I asked her, “Well does your MIDWIFE know any good OB’s”. She told me that she was sure her midwife would not make the referral but that I should meet with her and give it a chance.
I met Judy who was also a nurse and decided I would go through with it. All my prenatal care was met at her small but cozy private practice and although she was a midwife we would deliver at the hospital. I learned so much about my body with Judy. If it hadn’t been for her I probably still wouldn’t know what my cervix looks like. She taught me to trust my body and believe that I could deliver my baby naturally without making me feel at all pressured. My delivery was smooth. She was in charge of everything and was there the entire time, not just when i began to push. I was completely sold on midwifery and knew that if I had other children I would not hesitate to come back to her.
I would surely return, as you all know but not under the circumstances I planned. When i became pregnant with my second child my husband already lost his job and we had already become Kindred The Family Soul. We had finished our first album but as artists we had no health insurance. When I returned to Judy she suggested a more economical choice would be homebirth. Another foreign word. I trusted her though. She introduced me to Iris, the women who delivered her children. I wasn’t scared. I knew I could do it. Besides Iris’s twenty plus years delivering babies along with her hippie-like disposition made me very relaxed. I’m also pretty adventurous at heart and was looking forward to a new experience. Still I couldn’t shake the outhouse in my head or everybody elses. People looked at me like a freak when I said I was having my baby at home. They would look at me like ” How rural of you” or say “Why?”. Still, we stuck to our guns and tried to remember that a pregnancy is not a sickness and doesn’t require a hospital stay.
On the day my first daughter was born. My mother and sister were in town and I didn’t have to choose between them. They could both be there, in the room. My mother in law and sisters were all there. My daughter was born into a circle of women who loved and encouraged me through it all and there was no hospital policy to stop such a beautiful thing from happening. She was born naturally with out any assistance because believe it or not uteruses existed way before epidurals and women’s bodies know how to do this. my body was free to move around without being strapped to a monitor or an IV, so I could find just the right position to birth my child. There was no outhouse, there was just an incredible birthing experience and a beautiful baby to show for it.
Of course homebirth isn’t for everyone. Midwives will not cease to encourage you to have a hospital birth if you are at risk for complications they cannot handle( and there are very few of those). But I say give it a chance. We are totally capable of doing this work (labor) so be in the most comfortable place to do it.
BMWK family have you or someone that you’ve known had a homebirth? What was that experience like? Would you be open to trying it?
Don’t forget to check back tomorrow for a new episode of Six Is It to experience what a homebirth is really like.
Busybee says
Greetings,
I have one daughter, and she was born by way of a c-section. I had a horrible experience and wouldnt wish it on a dog. God-Willing, Im not done growing my family so the next time around I plan to have a home birth since I cannot give birth in a birth center because of my previous history of having a C-section. So, yes I would consider a home birth. I would like to encourage women—particularly black women—to join ICAN prior to even getting pregnant so that you can approach the experience with confidence, knowledge, and resources. Its wonderful way to network, and learns what resources are available in your area. I also recommend seeing an OB (without their knowledge) on top of your CPM or CNM. I also encourage black women to drop the weight so that you can INCREASE your chances of having a safe home birth.
Peace
https://www.ican-online.org/
Mission statement: The International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN) is a nonprofit organization whose mission is to improve maternal-child health by preventing unnecessary cesareans through education, providing support for cesarean recovery and promoting vaginal birth after cesarean. There are over 130 ICAN chapters worldwide which hold educational and support meetings for people interested in cesarean prevention and recovery
https://www.anjionline.com/index.html
https://www.birthingfromwithin.com/
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth Ina May Gaskin
The Natural Pregnancy Book: Herbs, Nutrition, and Other Holistic Choices ~ Aviva Jill Romm M.D. (Author), Ina May Gaskin
Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn: The Complete Guide (medically updated) ~ Penny Simkin
The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth (Paperback)~ Henci Goer
Tamara says
*swoons* YAY, Aja, i cant wait to see how your homebirth went, YAYYAYAY! Hopefully, that will be me, one day. *sigh*
Kellie says
Congratulations, Aja and Fatin, on your decision to use a midwife and to have a homebirth!
I, too, used a midwife for my prenatal care. (She also provides well-woman care.) My midwife, Evelyn Muhlhan, was THE BEST! She spent more time with me addressing my concerns as a new mommy-to-be than any OB would ever have been able to do. She was kind, caring, and understanding and found ways to help me deal with allergies, joint aches, etc. that would not require me to take medication. Evelyn recommended “The Thinking Woman’s Guide to Better Birth” which was a wonderful resource to help me to understand the rationale behind all of the testing, procedures, etc. that traditional medicine seems to require of expectant mommies.
Although I ended up having a C-section to deliver my 9-pound, 13-ounce girl, my midwife was there EVERY STEP of the way. She was in the delivery room providing “color commentary” to me when I couldn’t see what was going on with the baby. She visited me EVERY DAY that I was in the hospital and continues to provide advice and support although my little one is now over a year old.
Midwifery, natural (unmedicated) birth, and homebirth are now foreign concepts to a lot of black and brown people who believe they are unable to have babies without “the drugs” and all of the unnecessary medical intervention. IMO, midwifery and homebirth provide us options for more beautiful birth experiences which normalize pregnancy and birth as the breathtaking and amazing phenomena the Creator intended them to be.
TCB says
I would be interested, but I think I would cause my mother and husband to literally pass out (smile)!. Honestly I think I’m too far into my prenatal care right now to be able to wrap my mind around going this route. My hat is off to those mothers who are able to have a natural (unmedicated) birth. The first time around I delivered twins vaginally and the second time around (singleton)I hope to do the same. My OB tries to avoid C-Sections due to the complications and I’m happy about that…
Charreah J. says
This was powerful! I love the image of this little girl being born into a circle of women who she came from. You’ve given me something to think about . . .
mochazina says
in addition to the above resources, I’d also recommend *The Business of Being Born* video to all. Even as a youngster I always had an inkling that I’d want to try birth withou meds. Now that I’m older & children are a closer possibility, I know I’d like that, and am even considering a home water birth. We’ll see when the time comes… 😉
@TCB – unless you’re due next month, it’s probably not too late for you to add a midwife to your birth team… look into it! 😀
Quiana says
Thank you for this post. I’m pregnant with my first, due August 1, and really wanted a homebirth but because of expenses/insurance regulations, I’ll be going to a hospital. I still hope to have a doula, however. I’ve vowed that my next birth will definitely be a home birth.
.-= Quiana ´s last blog ..27 Weeks – Baby Agbai Report =-.
phillyitgirl says
I respect any who delivers a child! It is a very special event yet, dangerous at time because of the various complications that can occur. No matter how she does it I give her props and will def be tuning in tomorrow!!!!
visit https://phillyitgirls.com for all positive IT things happening in Philly and beyond!
.-= phillyitgirl´s last blog ..Charlamagne tha God is Back? =-.
shai says
I gave birth to my only child at a hosptial. I did not know that my blood pressure was up. I am glad I was at the hospital. I liked having drugs. I am not having anymore babies. If I did I would still go to the hospital. Drugs were my friend.
{JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After says
Beautiful perspective.
Thanks for sharing this. 🙂
.-= {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After´s last blog ..Check out that fro and those chubby legs! =-.
Lakisha says
I applaud anyone willing to give home birth a chance. I am blessed to be the mother of 7 children four of which were born in a hospital and the latter three all born at home. The last delivery being on December 2, 2009. My husband and I did take it a bit further and opted out of having a midwife in attendance. He delivered all three himself. No, he is not a doctor. Contrary to popular belief, home birth is very safe. My maternal grandmother had 12 children, 11 born at home while my paternal grandmother had 13 children all born at home. Pregnancy is not a medical condition that is meant to be managed. That being said, there are definitely times where hospital care is absolutely critical in the survival of both mother and child. For me, home birth is the only option. I would not choose to welcome my children earth-side any other way.
shai says
Many women died in birth and so did the baby, when they were born at home. Yes, it happens at hospitals. You can say that some births do need hospitals. So what if a problems happens at home, how is it handled? I am curious. Even after home birth, don’t mom and child still need a medical checkup.
Busybee says
Greetings Shai,
You said: Many women died in birth and so did the baby, when they were born at home. Yes, it happens at hospitals.
My response:
1) You are absolutely correct that historically there were women and infants who died giving birth at home. CNMs/CPMs/OB now have more education, training, technology, and assistants to work with than they did fifty to a hundred years ago. Things do change. I respect your concern that you may feel we are putting our lives and the life of a baby at risk by electing a non-hospital birth. I respect your right and choice to have a c-section, hospital, and medical birth if you believe thats what is best for you. It would be deceptive to deny that deaths occurred in home births and it would be self-righteous to demean women who are uncomfortable with non-medical birth options. I do not believe the authors intent or any of the readers was to encourage any choice that would put black women and children at risk but rather provide a look into other options that are available.
You said: You can say that some births do need hospitals. So what if a problem happens at home, how is it handled? I am curious. Even after home birth, dont mom and child still need a medical checkup?
My response:
2) Provided that you are sincere, and care I invite you to please read my first comment in this thread where I provided links to websites as well as material written by C.N.Ms and OBs. If you comb through the material on the ICAN website you will find that:
C.N.M, CPMs and yes—OBs who offer their services in a birth center or at their patients home:
Identify patients who require OB care, and who will require a hospital birth or any other medical intervention. This is NOT a one stop process; the screening is done throughout the entire pregnancy. (Many CNMs, CPMs, and OBs who respect a womans right to choose are not extremist and approach the situation with balance: for example instead of rushing a woman off to a c-section because the baby hasnt turned they will ***first*** try to get the baby to turn instead of automatically slicing and dicing a pregnant woman.)
Require that their patients have a birth plan that includes access to a nearby hospital or birth center. Meaning that, your birth team should be able and ready to a) have the ambulance waiting b) have a safe mode of transportation available to you should you need to go to the hospital.
Many CNMs, CPMs and OBs who practice home care bring their medical equipment, medical records, and assistants with them to YOUR home so they are not working from a vacuum. Which means that: they are able to stitch you up after you give birth, prevent/monitor and treat infection if necessary, and your birth team should have already had transportation in place to escort the mother and the baby to a pre-selected pediatrician or hospital. Please note that some pediatricians have and do come to your home with their equipment and records. They too are not working out of a vacuum.
Concerning post-partum care, if you visit the links listed and even read some of the comments here you will find that the CNM/CPM/OB provides the care at your home with their own resources. Every service that does not transpire in a hospital or medical office isnt poor or out of the mainstream. Most parents bring their children to a pediatrician or family doctor.
Everything isnt for everyone.
Busybee says
Greetings Lakisha,
Thank you for sharing your story and KUDOOS to your hubby! Glad to hear men involved but especially black men (my assumption and if not my apologies) in the birth process.
I look forward to having a home birth God willing! I have no desire to be anywhere near a hospital. When I joined ICAN, I found out that women in other Western societies do not give birth the way we do in the States, and that their governments respect their choices, bodies, and privacy. Its easy to come to the conclusion that just because we do something one way it is the superior way and all other ways are regressive or barbaric. Hubby and I are not expecting yet. We want a stress free, enjoyable pregnancy and birth. We are making life style changes, and interviewing CNM to find the practice that is the right fit. Some of these ICAN ladies prenatal really stood out to me… Their CNMs taught them how to properly monitor their own blood pressure, sugar (sorry ol fashion) weight gain, cervix, etc. I couldnt believe how relaxed, confident, and happy these women were. There was not a culture of fear, distrust, and disrespect. Their providers taught them how read and understand their past medical records. I really encourage black women to join or check this out because we have the highest maternal death rates *** in a hospital*** the highest infant mortality rates and the highest cesarean rates. Many women through hospital medical births have had their uterus ripped, the infant head damaged, and on. The conspiracy theory part of me wanted to be it was racism and to some extent the behavior in the medical establishment is racist but after listening to 35 white women and 1 Latino women in my ICAN chapter talk about the uterine damage, pelvic floor damage, and the injuries to their infants, I realized its a structural problem in our medical community.
I did not want a c-section. They kicked my “angry black man†husband out of the room and after they delivered my daughter, I didnt see her for ***8*** freaking hours. Im NEVER going back to a hospital. (((( I dont care if I half to go broke to have a home birth.)))) Peace
Cheryl says
Congratulations to all of the women who posted that were able to have beautiful home births. Aja your story is very moving to me, I would have loved to have that kind of experience. I was one of the women that a hospital setting was the right thing for. My daughter was born with an issue that needed to be addressed right away, she would have died if born at home. My blood pressure was dangerously high also. I implore women that are considering pregnancy to get as healthy as you can before you get pregnant, and give yourselves more choices. My hopsital experience was pretty good, I nor the baby have any ill effects, but sadly that is not the norm.
Aja says
I think it is important to remember that as women we are an invaluable resource to one another and I am truly inspired to see everyone sharing information. I did not have access to this kind of exchange when I had my first homebirth. As far as infant mortality rates, you will find that they are consistent with the national average and in some regional instances, lower. You see, medical training has enhanced the resources and training of midwives but it is their overall philosophy and knowledge that makes them such a great choice for many women. The “modern” midwife really boasts the best of both worlds. Busybee is absolutely correct about the wealth of information out there to help you make an educated choice . No matter what, please remember we are all on the same side, the side of pregnant mothers and beautiful babies. Thank you for reading and commenting .
Aja says
Thank you for sharing your story (and we share a name- I am always excited to see other Ajas because they aren’t common)
I considered a home birth with my second child and did not go through with it. My main reason had less to do with my fears about safety than the fact that I liked the break in the hospital for a couple of days with the nurses handling everything, bringing my meals etc. like I was in a hotel-lol.
While a homebirth may not be for every one, I think a lot of women automatically deem it unsafe because its not in a hospital. I applaud your decision and agree that every mother should do her research and made the decision that works best for her and her family.
Rebekah J says
So glad to hear about your story Aja! I had to read the first sentence out to my husband and he agreed that’s what he was thinking when I mentioned homebirth for our 2nd child! He was a nervous wreck up until I went into labor but afterwards, he realized that it was one of the best decisions we had ever made for our family. We’re now living back in the states and going with another homebirth with #3. Of course we’re getting the weird looks and questions but it doesn’t even matter because we know what we want and are confident that our decision is right!
I say to all women out there, even if you don’t decide to have a homebirth, take the time to research about labor and delivery. If I had only been better informed with my first child, I would have fought for different choices that I know would’ve helped me have a better delivery. Knowledge is definitely power!
Rainbow says
What a wonderful story! I was present at all three of my brother and sisters birth, my mother gave birth to my brother who came in at 10.2lbs and 2ft long on the 12th floor of a high rise building! I had my first 2 children at home, my black husband and his family were not too sure at first but supported me all the way and now tell people proudly! My 3rd child had to be born in hospital, i am sure it would have been a disaster if it had been my 1st, as i knew how my body laboured i could tell the doctors where to go when they tried to tell me what to do!
Hospitals create a feeling of fear, i do understand that they need to cover their backs but they quite often cause more trouble this way!
Im from the u.k by the way. xx
mtm says
I just had my second baby at home and I’m never looking back!
mochazina says
@shai – please go find a copy and watch “the business of being born”. it will give you some of the history of midwifery.
Niesha says
I had my first home birth at 22 and after that experience I promised myself if I was blessed enough to have more, and I was healthy enough I would never birth a child at a hospital. With my son, I saw an OB/GYN for the first 6 months and I really didn’t like how impersonal my experience was. I began doing research online and discovered natural births.When I found my midwife she was opening up a birth center and I planned on having my baby there. As it neared my due date, she told me the birth center wouldn’t be open in time butI could do a home birth. When I even mentioned I was *thinking* about having a natural birth, I was met with a lot of replies about how it was nearly impossible to do, how devastating “their” birth was and so on. At first, I was terrified of the thought of having my baby at home. But I loved my midwife so much there was no way I was going through it without her! I did plenty of research, took Bradly birth classes, and had a wonderful doula to help me through the process. Because everybody made such a fuss with me even mentioning having a natural birth, I only told my best friend I had decided to do a home birth.
After I had my son, I called my family and told them I had the baby. When they asked what hospital I was in, I calmly replied I’m at home. It took about 5 minutes into each family member I told to explain to them I had purposfully had my son at home. It was the best experience of my life. I was able to move how I wanted, listen to my body, hold my son and nurse him immediately. I loved it! My daughter will be turning one tomorrow and she was birthed at home as well. Because I had done it before, I had no problem hiding the fact that I was a proud home-birthing momma 🙂 I had a room full of women who loved and cared about me this time around and it was such a blessing to have them all there.
I still get met with crazy stares when I mention my children were born at home. I feel that any woman even considering it do a lot of research and just find out as much as possible. We are afraid of the unknown. Most women don’t get talked to about birth, the process, and what happens to your body and mind during labor. When you learn what will happen in your body, you’re not as afraid and its easier to “just say no” to the drugs. It’s amazing what your body can handle when you allow it to and it can be one of the most joyous experiences of your life.
Majaliwa Bass says
Love your story. I’m pregnant with my second. The first I had in the hospital and hated the experience. My second is currently planned to be a home birth with a midwife and while I’m looking forward to it, I can’t help but feel a little nervous as well. Hearing stories like yours and the others listed here helps me to focus on the positive. Thank you!
By the way – have you considered cloth diapers? They’re not what they used to be either. I sell them online. Check it out: http://www.pootersdiapers.com.
shai says
I had a midwife nurse at the hospital. She was wonderful. I just don’t feel the home birth thing. That is just to much for ME to do at home. I am not having anymore, if I did it would not be at home.
saraileads says
My husband and I are pregnant for the first time, and just found out we are having twins. I really wanted to do a home birth before finding this out. I know that Aja had twins at the hospital, and I just would like to know how that experience was? Did you still have a midwife present? Did you use a birthing room? If anyone out their has birthed twins or more at once, please chime in and give me some advice. Thanks.
Tatiyana C. says
Thanks for this article! I had my daughter 8 yrs ago in a home birth. It was the most beautiful & peaceful experience! My new husband & I are trying to conceive and God willing there will be no issues so that we can have home birth…I wouldn’t want to do it any other way!
{Ms. P} says
A-mazing!
kia says
just found this site and i’m so glad i did.
I recently had a birth center waterbirth and it was beautiful and empowering. I’m definitely more open to a homebirth after that experience.
mamaT says
I had my first child at a birthing center and it was a water birth. It was an experience unparalleled to any other I have ever had. It was so empowering and magical, beautiful. I hope that women read this article and at least look into having an unmedicated natural birth, provided the pregnancy is low risk. It is so much better for mother and baby. The father can really participate and be a real part of the birth experience and I think it brings families together to share the expreience. I am pregnant with my second and there was no doubt in my mind that a mid-wife and unmedicated birth is the way to go. I am completely confident in my ability to give birth and look forward to that day!
Martha A. Snowden says
I had my first child at home best decision I ever made