I have a friend who’s a nuclear physicist. Black guy. Smart as a whip! Ph.D. and PE (professional engineer). He’s one of only six people in the country who can do what he does. But he drives his wife crazy with some of the really, really dumb things he does.
Like…one day, when they arrived home, fresh from surgery on his ruptured Achilles heel, he gets out of the car and heads to the front door with a boot on his right leg. But in route, he looks up and reflects, “I didn’t clean the gutters like I told my wife I would do before the surgery.”
So, under the mask of post-op pain meds, and under the guise of a dutiful husband, he proceeds to get the ladder, scale it and clean the gutters—all while his wife is begging him to come down, go inside and sit his doped-up behind down.
Does your book smart spouse do some really, really dumb things—things that’ll have your eyebrows turned up like this woman’s were? Or are you that book smart spouse?
Here’s my top 10 list of ‘You know you’re a smart spouse that does really really dumb things when’…
- When your brand new, waterproof Samsung Note 7 has been recalled because it will explode while charging, but you want to wait until your replacement comes. So, you charge your phone in a pot of water to contain the explosion. (Yes, sad to admit, this was me)
I should’ve taken my brand new expensive pipe bomb back to AT&T before that thing exploded at my government job—lest I get brought up on some domestic terrorism charges.
- When your wife wants to lose weight. So she reads some vegan blogs and starts buying healthy vegan snacks. But she eats the whole bag…talkin’ bout’, “They’re healthy snacks tho.”
Hey, Biggest Loser! Eating the serving size on the back of the bag is healthy. But you…grazing on the whole bag? Naw shawty…that’s just gluttonous. Check your serving size!
- When you volunteer to help your female co-worker start her side-business, and you invite her over your house for a meeting when your wife and kids aren’t home.
Fool…you bout’ to be found’t butt-naked on the bathroom floor (like Shaggy)…talkin’ bout’ “It wasn’t me” (it’s a song). Don’t you know when you help someone with their passion project, emotions run deep?
- When you about to have sex with your wife, and right before you’re about to get started, she asks, “Did you remember to pay the electric bills?”…and just kills the mood.
Really? That’s what’s on your mind right now? Of course, I did! But if I didn’t…do you really think I’d tell you the truth right now? I need you to get your mind right and save all those questions for afterward.
- When you claim you keeping it ‘100’ with your problem child, but your PG-rated stories about your childhood 30 years ago are so corny and outdated compared to the R-rated stuff going on now-a-days.
Player & Play-ette…just because you tongue-kissed a girl/guy under the bleachers during lunch in high school…and didn’t get caught, doesn’t mean you can relate to the freaky-deeky stuff that’s going down on your child’s social media and DM. You need to get a clue, so you can relate!
- When you’re not feeling well, so you do a Google search and self-diagnose your symptoms and start treating yourself with homeopathic herbs from Asia…and never go to the doctor to get confirmation.
Take your Dr. Oz-watching, green-tea-smoothie-drinkin’ behind to the doctors, and stop acting like WebMD.com is your personal endocrinologist.
- When you swear you know the directions, in spite of your wife repeatedly telling you, “It’s the other way!” Then, when you get lost, you blame it on her confusing directions or swear ‘they must have changed the street signs or something”.
Shut up! Just…shut up!
- When you are a saved and sanctified Biblical scholar, but you’re so churchy that you make every encounter with you a “Won’t He do it” moment.
Listen…Man’d of Gawd…you were just asked to say the grace before dinner. Stop praying so long that me and my neighbor’s hands are getting sweaty. Too deep…way too deep.
- When you’re in a group conversation with other couples and your wife starts off a question with, “I haven’t shared this with my husband yet, but…”; and then proceeds to ask the other couples how they would deal with a private issue you didn’t want to discuss publically.
That’s what you gonna do??? Just put our business out there without first asking me if I’m okay with it? Imma play it off now. But you’re gonna hear about this on the way home.
- When you do a small weekend project you saw on HGTV but turn your house into a construction zone for SIX months…talkin’ bout’, “It looked easy”.
Stop thinking…just because Property Brothers is an hour-long show, don’t think that your non-handyman self can renovate your kitchen in a three-day holiday weekend. Slim…call a contractor!
BMWK – What are some really really dumb things you or your book smart spouse have done?