He ghosted you after 6 months of dating. Now he’s popping back into your life like nothing happened. No apology. No explanation. What should you do?
Ghosters leave you with unanswered questions: Was it something I said? Did he not like me? Was he lying to me the entire time?
Someone who ghosts you lacks accountability and integrity. So when he returns wanting to pick up where things left off, it can be bewildering. Your past disappointment turns into hope, but it’s fleeting:
- What does he want?
- Does he want to try again?
- Does he still have feelings for me?
- Or is he just looking for me to forgive him for ghosting me?
You may have these same questions about someone you dated seriously who suddenly reappears in your life without acknowledging what their intentions are. Do you give him another chance? Should you respond to their text messages? What if you miss out on rekindling a romance? Or what if you’re setting yourself up for failure again?
Let me give you some guiding principles to help you make your decision:
- Be realistic. Don’t give in to fantasies about what “could be.” Both the ghoster and the ex-boyfriend need to prove themselves before you get your hopes up. Let them take the lead and watch for consistency. If you find their interest level goes from hot to lukewarm, you shouldn’t invest too much time and energy into exploring this relationship.
- Ask him why he broke up and what he wants now: Just because these guys showed up on your digital doorstep acting like nothing happened, doesn’t mean you should let them in your life without having a conversation about the past. If he dodges the question or gives you a “fluff” answer, you should proceed with caution.
- Go slowly: Don’t put your heart out there too quickly. Keep dating other people so that you won’t put your life on hold for someone who hasn’t been reliable in the past. These men have to do a lot to impress you and win your heart this time around.
You may feel obligated to answer his text messages, but before you decide to be nice and give him another chance, take a cue from Drake’s latest hit single and say, “nice for what?!” Just because you have a history together doesn’t mean you should have a future with him. Take your time and evaluate if he’s worth a second chance.
BMWK, have you ever been haunted by someone who ghosted you in the past? How did you handle it?