“Divorce is NOT an option!” That is what my wife and I were told at our very first marriage counseling session. It actually wasn’t a counseling session, but a marriage class at our church. To us it served as a marriage counseling session. We were just over one year into our marriage, young, and completely clueless!
Marriage has never been viewed the same. I firmly believe had we not taken that class, heard that statement, and learned that perspective on marriage, we would not be married today.
We weren’t on the brink of divorce at the time, but we had no foundation for our marriage. The pressures and the struggles we’ve encountered, both self-inflicted and other, would have made us crumble.
No Way Out…
Fortunately we both received that. From that point on we had one choice when we encountered problems. Together fight through them, over them, or around them. There was no quitting. There was no going our separate ways, no finding someone else, and no “irreconcilable differences.” All differences became reconcilable by default. We became that cornered animal, that would fight you, anybody, or anything that threatened our marriage!
Eliminating Options…
If you’ve been to church, or listened to a married couple who has been to church, you have probably heard the phrase, “leave and cleave.” It is based upon Genesis 2:24, “that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” When divorce is not an option in your life you have to eliminate all options. In doing so, you are forced to make your spouse a priority in all situations.
All options includes old relationships, old ways, old places, and even old thinking. No, you are not to disown your parents, family, and friends. But anything that may reopen the option of divorce, or separate thinking, or lead you down that path, needs to be left alone. That is a hard pill to swallow, and many marriages have failed here.
Freedom in Marriage…
Eliminating options may sound restrictive and limiting at first. It is not. It frees you to experience the wonderful things God has for marriages. It frees you to communicate about any and everything. There are no hidden activities, or conversations. It frees you to learn more about one another.
If you are still hanging with the fellas all the time, you are missing some time to learn your wife. The same applies to wives, and hanging with your girls. And it frees you to do whatever you both desire in your bedroom, “marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled.” (Hebrews 13:4).
A Hatred for Divorce…
I HATE divorce! I HATE divorce with a passion! I have witnessed too many couples go through the pain of divorce and separation. Many of these couples have been close to us. I have seen the hurt, the pain, the impact on their children, and even on their finances. Look at what Malachi 2:15 says, “‘For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. ‘To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty.’” That is pretty serious!
When the couples we knew went through their divorces I always wondered if divorce had always been an option to them. If they learned what we learned early in our marriage, and received it, would they have fought like a cornered animal for their marriage? And then I wonder, did I tell them, “Divorce is NOT an option!”
Somebody Needed to Read This Today…Is It You?
Today, I am telling you and every other couple “Divorce is NOT an option!” That stance and the removal of other options that could reopen divorce as an option, have worked for me and my marriage. I am certain it can for you as well. I am not promising easy, but nothing valuable in life is. Read that statement, receive it, and live your marriage like “Divorce is NOT an option!”
Question: Have you received one piece of advice for your marriage that you know, without a doubt, has kept your marriage still standing today? Please share in the comment section below.
theSecretDigest says
During counseling youll have the opportunity to show the person why they fell in love with you. You can remind them why youre together in the first place. And if you can show honest effort in wanting to deal with the problems that come up during the counseling—and many probably will—that might be enough to convince the other person not only to stop divorce temporarily, but permanently. https://tinyurl.com/8jygzrw
Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. says
Thanks for sharing! One key I think is for couples young in their marriage to truly adopt this “Divorce is NOT an option” stance. That means to never allow it to enter conversation, as a joke, as a threat, or anything. Then you are forced to fight for and with each other.
Relationship Counseling says
I agreed with you. According to my point of view, when couples relationship going to be dispute then couples must take some advice to solve their problems before taking some serious decision. So take good Counseling & it help for couples relationship.
Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. says
Thanks for sharing! Don’t just flee, FIGHT!
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter says
Great article Jackie! My husband and I decided long ago that divorce wasn’t an option for us either and we live and love in our marriage just like it isn’t. The best piece of advice I ever received regarding relationships is from this little book titled “The Mastery of Love” it reminded me that I am only responsible for my half of the relationship and all I have to do is take great care of that.
ttjam says
This is most certainly something I needed to read and I was able to share this with my fiancee and we both have agreed to work through our marriage if and most certainly WHEN they arise. I have one of my favorite songs in mind, sang by Kelly Price called “Girlfriend” and it speaks about them going back to what they knew before times got hard and they were in love. Sometimes going back to the roots can help you in your fight for your marriage. It kills me when people say they won’t fight for their marriage or their marriage mate. You are essentially saying you won’t fight for yourself. “The two will become one flesh” the marriage union makes you turn the “me” into the “we” and the “I’s” into the “us”. Sorry for the rant but people don’t value marriage at all any more and that scares me.
Keonta says
My message was received watching the new Steve Harvey show and he said make a 2 handed circle And anything that happens stays in that circle and having a 2 handed circle with your spouse means no one can come in it not your kids, not you parents no one but you and your spouse so now I try to live through my marriage in that order.
Tommie Slade says
what if divorce was that option? what now?
Brenda says
For the past 4 months I have been screaming I want a divorce. I don’t know what led me to this article but I know who, GOD. I have a lot to think about now thank u
Faith says
It’s really nice to read these comments. I wanted this for my marriage. Unfortunately, I had to leave due to the abuse. Nine years of physical, emotional, mental, verbal and financial abuse is all I could take. I shouldn’t have stayed that long. It weighed on me and my children tremendously, and now we are in counseling, which has been over four years now. He has since remarried, and has not changed his ways because the children have witnessed him do the same to her and she to him. I pray that God continues to heal and strengthen me, and prepare me for the true love I deserve should I ever have the chance to love again. I’m encouraged. 🙂
Trinika says
Faith, It may be hard, but do not forget to pray for him. He may have wronged you in the worst way but please pray for him. We are to pray for those who have wronged us.
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