My husband and I had dinner at a friend’s house last night. She and I had been classroom teachers together for many years, but after she married and got pregnant with her son, she decided that she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.
Her rationale was, “I’ve spent most of my life raising other people’s children, it’s time that I do the same for my own.” I agree with the sentiment completely.
The benefit of being a teacher in New York City is that a woman can take up to five years of unpaid maternity leave and still have their position secured for their return to the classroom.
When it comes to the stay-at-home vs. working mother debate, I always thought I would want to take a leave from my position to attend to my children as well.
But I’m a daughter of a single parent immigrant from the Caribbean who drilled into my head that a woman must always be self-sufficient and have a purse of her own—no matter what her marital status.
And I couldn’t agree more with that sentiment as well.
So I want to address the need to parent without a career, while simultaneously creating a stream of income. Here are a few actions steps that I’m taking to ensure that when I become a stay-at-home mother, I’ll also become a stay-at-home mogul.
I suggest you do the same as well.
- Save as much as you can before you leave your job. If you are not in the habit of saving already, then you need to get to it, especially when there will be another person to feed and one less income to do it with. Aim for a $500 cushion at first and then aim for consistently saving at least 20% of your income every month.
- Have a conversation with your spouse about how you will receive money. There are debates out there about whether or not wives should be “paid” by the husbands for the work that they do in the home. I’m not against that perspective, but I also don’t look at the money exchange as “payment,” per se. Money is a reality of motherhood and parenthood. If a woman is staying at home to care for children, she, nonetheless, will still need money to live, to enjoy, and maintain her non-mom self. So, if your spouse is up for it, use that money for attending to your financial needs and your financial goals.
- Think about ways to mesh your love of motherhood with online commerce. I am not a mother, yet, but I know that it is a life-changing experience. It not only changes your priorities, but it also changes your interests. When I was at my friend’s house, we talked a lot about motherhood, her goals for her son, and the time that it took to adjust to working around her son’s sleep schedule. She dished all the dirt about what the nannies were doing and what was happening in the community. I told her that I thought she could probably create an online community around motherhood, book recommendations, parenting tips, nanny vacancies, and review neighborhood establishments for their kid-friendliness.
I’m reading a book called The Mind-Body Code. It goes in depth about the impact that culture has on our emotions and expectations for life events, like motherhood. I know my feminist viewpoint and my mom’s money philosophy has me uneasy about leaving work to become a stay-at-home mother. That was until I realized that being a stay-at-home mom wouldn’t keep me from reaching my financial goals of wealth and security.
In fact, it may accelerate it.
BMWK Family– What do you think? What else should we think about before take that leap into stay-at-home motherhood?
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