by Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
Those who know me know that I love, love! I get excited about the idea of love, romance and relationships. The key word here is “idea”. Those of us that are involved in long-term, serious relationships know that it takes work to keep that idea, the love, romance and excitement going. It takes honesty, communication, along with commitment and sacrifice. Sometimes it takes an outside-unbiased voice to take our good relationship to a great one. Other times it simply takes us wanting the best for our significant others and ourselves. If we offer pre-marital counseling to engaged couples, we should also offer a mid-marital check-in for those who have been married for 5 years or more.
If you want to go from good to great, it’s time for a relationship check-up! If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what keeps trouble and drama away from a marriage? Of course nothing will ever fully prevent the disagreements and frustrations that can arise in our relationships. However, a relationship check-up can definitely help. What normally happens during your annual check-ups with your doctor? At your annual doctor’s visit your weight, blood pressure and temperature are taken first. Then you are usually asked to describe how you have been feeling and if there are any problems. When you leave the office, you have some idea of what to do to keep you healthy. The same type of check-up is needed for your relationship. Take an inventory of what is working and what needs improvement. Pay attention to your partner. Recognize what puts a smile on their face, what disappoints them, what angers or frustrates, what brings joy and pleasure, when do they feel the most supported? Now answer those same questions about yourself and share them with the one you love. Next, design a plan, set goals and take the next steps toward keeping your relationship healthy!
Your prescription:
Take great care of your marriage and remember to have your annual relationship check-up!
BMWK, have you had a relationship check-up lately?
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, the founder of Life Editing, creator of The Black Wives’ Club and an Administrator of Still Dating My Spouse. Tiya resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.
actually we have had a check up,esp since we are coming up on year number five. we are in really good shape considering where we started from. it just seems to get better as each year passes by. someone i know who also has a blended family, they just seperated and they have only been married for 27 months. my hubby and i had to do that inorder to realize that no matter what came we didnt want to face life apart from each other.
Great idea. I’ve never looked at it that way and can definitely see the benefit in it.
Oh wow! We need a check up. This is an interesting concept, but what about the spouse that does not cooperate in healthy relationship building exercises? How do you help them see the value?
I like it, I like it. Can you go more in depth? Are there any books out there on relationship check-ups?
Do dudes really take part in this? No offense ladies, but I wanna hear from the fellas on this one.
Fran, I’ve always felt that the 5 year mark is really when the relationship check-ups should begin, it is great to hear you say it gets better as the years pass, that’s exactly how it should go. Thanks Tracy! Stacey, you can also do a relationship check-up without a relationship specialist/professional. You have to get your spouse to see the benefits from your point of view, what it would mean to you and how it will help you both. It can basically start from a conversation, asking your spouse what their needs are, and then explaining yours, also don’t forget to talk about what’s working too, it’s important that you have some positives in there for encouragement. You can also start the excercises first and have your spouse follow your lead.
Cherry, yes I often recommend The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and my all time favorite is The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz (awesome). Another great one is the Love Dare. The relationship check-up is about checking, taking inventory of the direction your relationship is headed in. Are you still getting what you need, are you still giving what your spouse needs, are some great questions to start with.
“If we offer pre-marital counseling to engaged couples, we should also offer a mid-marital check-in for those who have been married for 5 years or more.”
So true! I would love to do at least one session yearly, actually. My husband and I gained a lot from our premarital counseling.
.-= {JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After´s last blog ..Sunday Afternoon: Even the sweet tea in the fridge tastes better when I share it with you. =-.
JeLisa, so did we. We were able to walk away with so much from the pre-marital counseling. A yearly session is such a great idea!
I believe the more a couple knows about each others likes and dislikes, wants and needs, dreams and desires, the better. In relationships we often assume our mate knows how we feel about certain things and place expectations on our mate based on those assumptions (I’m guilty of that). So I think it’s a good idea for couples to be specific about what they looking for…ladies just don’t make the list too long because your guy will likely tune you out after the 3rd item 🙂
Sidebar: I vote for an editing option on this wonderful site…I never catch my grammatical errors on the first read.