by Tara Pringle Jefferson
Since I got laid off late last year, things have been kind of hectic at my house. We’re trying to adjust to a new routine, a decrease in income, the start-up of my freelancing business and new career aspirations. I’ve felt incredibly unorganized, scrambling to make sense of every new day, and my husband has been drowning in work as well.
Last week, I finally looked up from my piles of paper, the kids running around crazy and told my husband, “We need to have a meeting.”
So on Friday, we’re planning to sit down and discuss all the areas of our lives to see where we are currently, where we would like to go, and what steps we need to take to get there. I’ve written up an agenda and everything – I even plan to take notes and type them up later.
I am thrilled about the outcome of this meeting, but I can sense my husband is a little less excited. Who can really blame him, though? A meeting? At home? Most people don’t like meetings at work and that’s when they’re PAID to be there. I can see why he might not be doing backflips about spending his Friday night having a three-hour discussion.
But we’re both happy to gain some order and direction to our lives. I’m someone who thrives on having a set path to follow, or mutual goals that we’ve put down in writing. My husband thrives when his wife isn’t running around like a chicken with her head cut off. This is a win-win.
I’m curious to see if anyone else has regular meetings to assess their progress and how it’s working for them. Anyone have any tips to share? Think it’s a great idea? A bad one? Let us know!
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer, blogger and PR professional living in Ohio with her husband and two kids. She’s managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She’s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.
my husband and I have meetings too, specifically about our finances. That IS business. It helps keeps the emotions out of it by treating it as a business meeting. We do the same for our travel plans. It just makes it more effective to not try and interject these types of discussions in our everyday routine. Someone is bound to not be fully attentive.
Hope it works out for you!!
Tanya Maia
https://thechampagnesocial.com
We’ve had family meetings to discuss what’s going on in our kids lives, what their goals are, and how they plan to get there. Also, we’ve had meetings when kids are not getting along, to get to the base of the problem. Yes, meetings are sometimes needed.
This is a great idea. My hubby and I have meetings biweekly about our finances and goals. I think running your houshold like a business makes things run effectively and efficiently.
This is a great idea. My hubby and I have meetings biweekly about our finances and goals. I think running your houshold like a business makes things run effectively and efficiently.
Yes great article. I too have meetings with my husband regularly and we treat our marriage like a business. Why? because without organization and structure things can and will become stressful and take a toll on the marriage. I generally have to initiate them though because I am the one who is the most organized, keep up with the bills and other issues concerning the kids.
I find that laying out everything for the month helps us both know where we are, whats being spent and what we need to do to get us through the month.
Yes great article. I too have meetings with my husband regularly and we treat our marriage like a business. Why? because without organization and structure things can and will become stressful and take a toll on the marriage. I generally have to initiate them though because I am the one who is the most organized, keep up with the bills and other issues concerning the kids.
I find that laying out everything for the month helps us both know where we are, whats being spent and what we need to do to get us through the month.
Talking it over with your husband,when you have reach the bottom line is great…if not,it would has came to a turning point of bad planning,of what i should of done…Marriage is a partnership,you should be so close to each other,that you know what the next one is thinking because he/she say anything,just by learning who you marriage,in the beginning…No,your relationship in y’all marriage,shouldn’t be run as a business,but your finiance of your household,or your work place should alway be strictly business…if you work inside your home,or in a office,when it come to family,turn off your business face,put your husband/wife face back on…when you clock-out from work,leave it there until y’all clock back in,enjoy family…you have to seperate them two(work and family )if not it will seperate you from you,family,married,friend,anything that get in your way,it’s a disease,and it go lacking in a lot of family,without even notice,until they have been seperated for year,before they admit,they has the problem wish was a simple case of communication.
We have meetings, but they are usually so casual in nature, while we are in the bed, me on the laptop, him playing Madden, that I can’t actually say we accomplish much. We are both rather “free spirited” when it comes to the business side of marriage, so that’s definately something we need and want to work on. I never really thought about holding a formal meeting, but I like the suggestion.
My wife’s exact words prior to marriage was, “we can’t run our marriage like a business.” Now her testimony is how elated she is that we used a business approach to place our marriage on excellent footing. Prior to marriage we discuss goals, aspiration even had a plan for how the chores around the house would be handled. Subsequently our marriage has not been marred by petty arguments over petty issues. I say this all the time: How do you arrive at a destination (wedded bliss) that you’ve never been to before without having a map (business plan) that provides a safe route for you to travel. Many marriages severely suffer because folks are living their marriage through expectation never discussed.
Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.
http://www.ruleyourwife316.com.
For the last 20 years, my wife and I have experienced some business relations but not for long, periods of time. Marriage is primarily a romantic and spiritual relationship that requires to be protected like a business. Couples stuck in business mode quell the romantic and spiritual phases. Marriage is never a one-fit-for-both because both people evolve throughout time and changes.
My wife and I have regular (once a month) family meetings…more if necessary. It works great for us. It allows us to discuss pertinent issues for our family in an organized fashion. It especially help with contentious issues because we have an established order to discussing issues during the meeting. It also gives us a new level of accountability because our establish agreement and disagreement is documented. We take separate notes during the meeting and then email them to each other for verification that we got the same thing out of the meeting. Our communication and finances have benefited greatly because of it. Our pastors Mike and DeeDee Freeman have always strongly advised Family Meetings, hence we picked it up once we were married.
My wife and I have regular (once a month) family meetings…more if necessary. It works great for us. It allows us to discuss pertinent issues for our family in an organized fashion. It especially help with contentious issues because we have an established order to discussing issues during the meeting. It also gives us a new level of accountability because our establish agreement and disagreement is documented. We take separate notes during the meeting and then email them to each other for verification that we got the same thing out of the meeting. Our communication and finances have benefited greatly because of it. Our pastors Mike and DeeDee Freeman have always strongly advised Family Meetings, hence we picked it up once we were married.
Even semiannually these meetings are a good idea. A marriage IS a business. It’s a legal partnership just like an LLP formed by 2 lawyers. If more people thought of it that way they wouldn’t be marrying (entering a business partnership) with some of the partners they have now! There would be a lot more practicality on the front end and a lot less pain on the back end!
I really like the thoughts you expressed here. ESPECIALLY the part about if some considered marriage to be a business partnership, similar to an LLP, how they might reconsider some of the people they choose to ‘go into business’ with.
The only part I would have to disagree with you on is that semi-annual stuff. I would actually like to see at LEAST once a month, sitting down.. (minus the kids) to discuss where we are. Where we’re trying to go (as a unit) and how we plan to get there. But then again, what do I know… I’m just a single guy. :(((
lol Thank you Shawn! Now that I read what I said back to myself…even RELATIONSHIPS need to be approached like business. And that may mean at times admitting that you don’t make sense for someone to go in business with.
The only reason I said even semi annually is to give folks who are already shellshocked by the very concept of this being a business a bite-sized piece to chew on first before they take more regular chews on the same thing. 🙂
Single guys are what a single woman is waiting for, if she’s even on this site any at all, so it’s good for us to listen to each other’s ideas. Women don’t ever like to hear anything is wrong with their approach to relationships…but men have more options and more time to wait around, women have to kind of get on the ball or lose out especially if they would like to be considered wife material sometime before their eggs expire. It would probably also help us women eliminate a lot of foolishness (men) out of our lives before the first month or two of dates is over because we will pay attention to him from a business angle…finance (how they afford themselves and their lives, their debts, their existing children), marketing (how they present themselves to you and others, what they choose to say, how they choose to say, what they choose to focus their mental energies on, where they spend their time, types of exes in their past, who is the other parent to their existing children…all says a lot about the product you’re getting cause a person’s mentality directly affects how they market themselves to people as a friend/lover/employee/spouse/etc.), accounting (how they keep track of all aspects of their lives, how they organize or do they just let ish happen, are they self-aware of their pros and cons, strengths and weaknesses, or are they on autopilot and you can’t tell them anything), human resources (medical health, the family/inlaws/close friends that come with them and how supportive/destructive of an influence they will be on any relationship with the person)…how is he on these fronts as someone to do personal business with? Gosh I need to print these out never articulated them before!
I have a business degree and while I had vague notions that marriages are pretty much an unlimited liability partnership (unless a prenup and things like monthly meetings stem the potential bloodflow)…I realize every relationship should be sized up like that excep the one with existing children. Potential children should be evaluated from a business point of view as well because they are not here yet, and don’t have to be. Children can be the biggest emotional debt we adults get ourselves into. Real talk. Sounds horrible but we dealing with facts not how the facts sound at the moment. 🙂
So yeah Shawn I’m right there with you, and I can speak on both ends having gone into a partnership without evaluating the partner’s suitability from a business standpoint…and now have a divorce under my belt for that lack of planning.
I love this. I prefer to approach marriage from a very practical, pragmatic standpoint. Love is a choice. Romance can be created. The facts, however, are the facts. I think if marriage were more often approached from a business standpoint, it would drastically reduce the divorce rate.
Says a divorced woman
I’m a single guy right now, but I really LIKE the idea of adapting a business approach to your marriage. ESPECIALLY when it comes to money. I’ve read enough books to know that people who make emotional decisions with their money is what lands MOST PEOPLE in DEBT. And again, because I read a lot, I know that debt is responsible for MOST DIVORCES in America today. So therefore it only makes sense to adapt a business approach to handling money. And once the finances are solid, everything else should flow well. *IN THEORY…lol*
Business is not personal and marriage is. It’s that simple. Treat your marriage like it’s the most valuable item you have.
I think it’s a great idea. My husband and I don’t currently have “meetings” but I think I will introduce the concept to him.