I love my husband. I actually like him a lot, too. No regrets about marrying him. Sharing my life with him makes me happy. But he does not complete me. He loves me and cherishes me and makes me happy—but no, he doesn’t complete me.
I was complete when I met him. Yep, I was a whole person. No missing parts. No major void in my life. No painful confusion about what I should do next. I was complete.
So why did I marry him? First off, I love him—deeply. He’s a lovable guy. I also trust him, I enjoy his company, and I just knew that sharing my life with him would make for a happy life. I wish I could share something specific that led me to know this, but I can’t. As cliché as it may sound, I just knew.
But out of all the wonderful reasons I chose to spend my life with my husband, feeling like he completes me just wasn’t one of them.
Sometimes I wonder, though, if it’s okay to feel like your spouse completes you. Should you marry someone because you feel like they are the missing piece in your life? Can a strong marriage be built on the idea that you were not whole until the other person came along?
I don’t think so. I don’t think anyone should complete you. Not your spouse, or your kids, or anyone else you love.
You should enter all your relationships feeling whole.
Because becoming whole is your job and yours alone. No one should have the responsibility of completing you. Sure, it was a great line in Jerry McGuire. It made so many of us (myself included) gasp for air. It sounded romantic and profound.
But really, it wasn’t. It was corny. And all these years later, it’s still corny.
You see, the more complete you feel before you enter a relationship with anyone, the more you bring to the table. You feel confident about how you add value to someone’s life when you know you were whole to begin with.
If you have children, think about what you want for them. Do you want your kids walking around looking for some missing puzzle piece, or do you want your kids entering a relationship feeling clear about who they are and what they offer? Do you want your kid entering a relationship feeling like a whole person?
Despite what some might think when they read this, I actually am a romantic. I believe in beautiful, fulfilling love that lasts a lifetime. I believe that adding value to someone else’s life is an incredible privilege. I believe that true love exists.
But I also believe that falling in love with the right person should never be about feeling complete. I believe we all owe it to ourselves to get whole before we go joining forces with another human being.
After all, doesn’t the idea of two whole people sound a lot better than the idea of a partial person finding a missing puzzle piece?
I think it does. What do you think?
BMWK family, do you think your mate should complete you?