Are you really still messing around with that guy? The one who cheated, lied and still refuses to commit? Girl, I have to tell you the truth: You can do better. Let me show you how to stop dating the wrong men so you can attract a mate who will marry you.
Step 1: Own your worth
It hurts me to see you hanging on to a man who is mistreating you. He’s feeding you crumbs when you deserve to have your cake and eat it too! Here’s some tough love, though. Every time you go back to him, you are telling him it’s okay to treat you in ways that are less than you deserve.
The truth is he can‘t come to see you if you don’t tell him where you’re going to be on Friday night. He can‘t stay the night if you don’t let him in the house. He can‘t lie to you if you won’t listen to him.
Step 2: Draw a line in the sand
I know you had every intention to end it in the past. But he doesn’t believe you anymore when you say it’s over. This time you’re going to have to make a decision, not just an intention.
Ask yourself this: What is it going to take to finally let go? What will he have to do to make you sick and tired of being sick and tired so that you say, enough is enough?! Draw your line in the sand and stick with it.
Step 3: Face your fears
I know you don’t want to start over. You’d rather hang on to a man who gives you attention and companionship than be alone, but the truth is you don’t have a real relationship. A real relationship with a healthy man looks like this.
- He wants to support you.
- He cares about how you feel.
- He wants to meet your needs.
- He lives to make you happy.
- He doesn’t blame you for all the problems in the relationship.
- He’s willing to do the work to make it work.
- He builds you up and, when he messes up, he does what it takes to make it work.
- He’s honest about where you stand with him, and he makes plans for the future with you in mind.
You can have a healthy relationship, but only if you’re willing to let go of this toxic relationship with a man who does not value you! Face your fears of being alone, of grieving the loss, of starting over.
If you don’t, you’ll only end up with more pain in the end. You’ll have more reasons to believe that “all men are dogs,” and you’ll lose hope that love is possible. You’ll strengthen your destructive dating patterns. He’s not worth that!
Step 4: Tell yourself the truth
You’re too busy focusing on the good times to pay attention to all of the ways this relationship isn’t working. He may be a “good guy” in so many ways, but if he refuses to commit, keeps breaking your heart, or blames all of the problems on you, you need to tell yourself the truth about your relationship. The truth will set you free!
Step 5: Take action
Your first action step is to make the break up call. I recommend you do this over the phone because you’re not strong enough to tell him the truth in person.
All it will take is him crying some big crocodile tears or telling you he really loves you and wants to be the man you need and you’ll go running right back to him.
Step 6: Get support
If you’ve been stuck in this toxic relationship for a long time, you’re going to need some support. Get an accountability partner who can call you out on your stuff when you want to answer his phone calls when you miss him. Choose someone who will tell you the truth even if you get mad at her!
I want you to know that you deserve better than this. You are worth loving! Once you break up with this person, allow yourself to grieve the loss, and get through the pain, you’ll realize you didn’t even really lose anything.
BMWK, Are you dating the wrong kinda man? If so, what are you going to do about it?