I’ve heard women say time and time again that they need some adventure in their lives—a bad boy. They say nice guys just don’t cut it because they are boring. That argument has always left me feeling puzzled because I can’t understand why anyone would intentionally avoid a nice guy.
Plus, what sense does it make to make such a blanket statement about all nice men as a justification for seeking out the not-so-nice guys who are supposedly more fun and interesting?
I think women who fail to give nice guys a shot are dealing with a lot more than they care to admit. Intentionally chasing men who can’t give you what you need because they offer temporary excitement is a recipe for disaster.
Now, I don’t think all adventurous and exciting men are bad guys. That’s a myth. But I also don’t think all nice guys are boring. All these labels just give people excuses for doing what they feel like doing, and it gives them the space to avoid any underlying issues that interfere with their dating choices.
So what are some things that might be getting in the way of a woman’s ability to find Mr. Right instead of just having a good time with Mr. Right Now?
You just aren’t ready to settle down.
You gave a nice guy a chance, and he let you down.
You think nice guys expect you to be too vulnerable.
Having fun is a lot easier than getting deep and settling down.
You expect more from the nice guy, so avoiding them prevents you from getting hurt.
You don’t think you are worthy of a healthy, loving relationship.
You think good guys are a myth, and all guys are grimy, so you might as well have some fun with someone you know what to expect from
You think nice guys can’t defend you the way you want, and they always finish last.
You think bad boys are better at protecting you.
Your own dad wasn’t a nice guy, so you are attracted to men who remind you of your dad.
You don’t have many positive examples of nice guys in your life.
Now if you genuinely just don’t have an interest in settling down and you are honest and clear about why you date the men you date, go for it. No sense in settling down if that’s just not where you are in your life.
But if you want to find the right guy and you keep ending up in crappy relationships with men who don’t treat you with the respect and love you deserve, pump the brakes and ask yourself why you keep ending up with the same kind of guy.
I am not suggesting that you settle for a guy who is really nice but fails to meet the rest of your needs. That won’t work, and it won’t make you happy.
But I think too many women make assumptions about men who appear to be too nice without really getting to know them. You may very well end up attracted to the nice guy who you thought was boring if you simply gave him the time of day.
So while the “exciting” bad boy may be what turns you on, keep in mind that the “boring” nice guy could turn out to be the best man you’ve ever had in your life.
And as you get to a place where you feel ready to settle down, focus on how a guy actually treats you, not perception. People aren’t always what they seem and the only way to find your Mr. Right is to work through your personal issues and gain clarity about the kind of man you truly want in your life.
BMWK women, what are your thoughts about dating a “bad boy” versus a “nice guy?”