One of my single friends came to me for some advice about a man that she was dating. While I don’t consider myself a relationship coach, I do consider myself a pretty good judge of character, so when she shared with me some of her dating experiences with this particular man, it was clear that this man was not fully single.
This man, more than likely, was married.
Here are some of the signs that raised a red flag to me when she shared some of her dating drama with me.
- He only calls you during business hours. If the man that you are dating can’t seem to talk late at night, it could be because he is spending time with his wife and kids. Lunch time or on his ride to and from work are the times when he can speak freely with you.
- He always seems to “have to call you right back.” Let’s just say that you are in the middle of some good conversation or some sweet talk and then out-of-the-blue, your bae has to abruptly get off the phone. If this happens once or twice, that’s no biggie. But if this is a pattern, then it’s a problem. Maybe his wife is on the other line and he needs to pick up some chicken and the dry cleaning.
- He can’t be spontaneous when you ask…especially on the weekends. You can’t just call him with two tickets for a boat ride or a weekend trip to the Hamptons. He needs to plan way in advance before he can get a full Saturday and Sunday— which are premium days in relationship land. He may be able to get away with “the business trip” excuse, but that’s only if he works in an sector that warrants work on the weekend and in another city. On the other hand, he may feel that you should be available when his weekend schedule clears with an opening. Maybe he could stop by from the grocery store for an hour or so and blame it on traffic. When his wife and kids are running errands or are visiting family, he may call and want to stop by. And usually…he has nothing planned for the two of you to do.
- You never get a chance to visit his house. One month, two months, maybe even three months. But if you have been dating a guy for more than 90 days and you don’t know where he lives or never had a chance to have dinner and a movie inside, then it’s probably because his wife is home. She’s sitting on the sofa watching reruns of Real Housewives of Atlanta, reading a book, and taking a cat nap in the house that she and her husband are still paying the mortgage on.
- He never sleeps over even after a beautiful night of love-making. He can’t stay over too late to cuddle and talk about your shared future. He has to get home to his wife so they can solidify their plans for retirement and college for the girls.
- He prefers to text instead of talking on the phone. Maybe it’s my bias, but I am over 30 and started dating when people spoke on the phone when they were dating. With that said, if you are grown and your relationship is more text than talk, maybe it’s because he’s lying in bed next to his wife and can’t get to you right away. It’s much easier to conceal a text conversation than a phone conversation.
It’s devastating when you feel that the man that you are dating is married. But there are always signs, so make sure you’re keeping your eyes open.
BMWK- What are other signs that you’re dating a married man?