Who is “Mr. Right” and what exactly does he look like? His description will vary from one woman to the next as each woman has her own personalized list of requirements for the elusive Mr. Right.

Many women literally have a written detailed list of requirements that make up Mr. Right which is not a bad idea at all provided that list is reasonable. It might be helpful to see it in writing; sort through what is negotiable and what is non-negotiable in a mate.

However, having a mental or written list does little good if that list is not adhered to during dating which amounts to the ‘mate-selection’ process. The question is “Are women using these lists that they have drafted in their selection process?” For those in relationships, “Is Mr. Right the man that you’re in a relationship with now?”

Related: 3 Roadblocks that get in the way of you meeting Mr. Right

Years ago, while engaging in a conversation about her current boyfriend, a young woman was asked if she would marry this man. Her response was along the lines of “If this was different and if he changed this and added that, etc.,.,, yes, I would marry him”.

She verbally refashioned him to fit her list of requirements for the man she wants. Hypothetically, any woman could select a complete stranger and make modifications to him to arrive at an image of Mr. Right.

Be honest with yourself; how does the current man in your life compare to your checklist? Based upon what is on your mental or written list, is he even a contender? If not, why are you in relationship with him?

It has been said that women are attracted to potential which is somewhat frightening. Choosing a man for his potential may be the equivalent of playing Russian roulette with the future of your relationship because potential is like an idea. It is “unrealized” until it has been developed into something tangible. There is a huge leap between what a man can be and what he is.

There is an interesting difference between men and women (this does not apply to ALL men but many). Men do not expect (or want) a woman to change from the initial state in which he first encountered her. If she was a size 8, for example, that is the size he expects her to be twenty years later. If her hair was long, same thing, he wants her never to cut it.

Many women, on the other hand, believe in ‘change’. If their guy is a cheater, it is their belief that they can change him into his destiny of being forever true to one woman and one woman only. If lying is his ‘handicap’, they believe they can somehow change him into an honest man.

Related: Here’s how to stop attracting the wrong man and sabotaging your life

The worst of it is after a woman has kissed and kissed on this proverbial frog hoping to turn him into a prince, he yet remains the frog that he always was. A prince he may never be. This, obviously, is not true in every case but, most know at least a couple of ladies that could fit these shoes with no discomfort.

If a man does not resemble what you have on your list, why indulge him? You cannot do what his Mother could not. If Mother did not rear him properly, it is not your task to conquer.

Do not fool yourself into thinking that you can change him. If he does change, usually it is temporary. It usually lasts only long enough for you to get comfortable with the change. Then, he will, more than likely, revert back to his former state.

When dating, look at a mate in the worse case scenario. If you can deal with that person at their worst, then there is a great chance for a lasting relationship. You are investing in who that person is; not who they can or may become. That “potential” may or may not ever be realized.

If you are considering a new man or contemplating your current one, check your list again. Be honest with yourself. Is he really what you desire “as is”? If Mr. Right is not right now, it is okay to wait until the right man comes along.

Every woman deserves a good man. It may take time, but good men still exist. Use this waiting period wisely. Make sure the person you are is suitable for the man that you desire. He may very well have a list of his own. You want to make sure you match everything on his list as well.

BMWK, are you staying true to your list for Mr. Right?