Even after God told Meagan Good that DeVon Franklin was her husband, she waited nine loooong months until he asked her out to pursue a relationship. They waited until their third date to kiss. And they waited until they were married to have sex.
Why They Waited
Harnessing the power of delayed gratification is the theme of their new book, The Wait. It is all about:
- getting control of our lives
- reducing dating drama
- and, avoiding desperate relationship choices
In their book, DeVon and Meagan explain that:
“When faced with the choice between instant gratification and delaying our own satisfaction to pursue something better, we chose the latter.”
And that conscious decision helped them as singles, now that they are married, and they hope it will help them whenever they become parents.
How Did Waiting Help You as Singles?
In the past, they’d both been burned by relationships gone wrong because their emotions got in the way of sound judgment.
So while single, they both examined who they were, what they needed, and mistakes from past relationships.
This process allowed them to let go of baggage.
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Looking back, not being blinded by lust or sexual attraction laid the groundwork for them to find the love of their lives—each other.
And they say that “the process of waiting was the key to our storybook beginning.”
Celibacy v. Abstinence
DeVon and Meagan explain that there is a big difference between celibacy and abstinence.
“Abstinence is simply refraining from sex; it’s the absence of something with no greater meaning behind it. To us, celibacy is refraining from sex because of a vow of faith; it’s abstinence with a purpose.”
They say that abstaining from sex just because you’re not in a relationship is not the same as making a conscious decision. Celibacy is a conscious decision.
But Shouldn’t You Test Drive the Car Before You Buy?
DeVon and Meagan have an answer for that too. They say that: “Sexual heat eventually cools. Without sex in the picture, you know that your partner is with you…for you.”
How to Maintain Celibacy
Temptation is real, y’all.
And in The Wait, there is an entire chapter dedicated to helping people maintain their commitment. They admit that our will power is not bulletproof, so there needs to be some safeguards in place to keep our lust in check.
The couple say that “staying strong is really about avoiding stimuli that get you focusing on sex, staying out of provocative situations, and remembering your commitment to God and why you’re waiting.”
How Did Waiting Help You as a Married Couple?
Meagan said that “The journey of waiting gave me the opportunity not to have the distractions that I had in past relationships. It gave me the space to deal with baggage and things from my childhood, but it also made me more self-aware and made me more in love with myself.”
She explained that giving herself the space to wait also helped create behavior and work ethic that shaped the next phase of her life—not just in love, but in her career also.
Once You ARE Parents, How Will Waiting Guide Your Parenting Style?
When I asked how The Wait would guide their parenting style, DeVon and Meagan both started laughing. (Contrary to what’s on the interwebs, they are not currently expecting a little bundle of joy.)
DeVon said that “We would hope it would allow us to have the same type of patience and perspective, because what ultimately is good….you have to wait for and give time to develop. It’s very important, because as a parent, if you put pressure on your kids to be something before they are ready, you can do a lot of damage.”
Meagan added that it’s important to “teach [children] that there are no quick fixes in life, despite what society is telling them. We want to teach them the tools to be patient in their own lives and to make decisions from a place of peace, power, and faith, because that’s something they can take with them in every area of their life.”
For Me, The Wait Is Personal
I’ve been married for three years now, but I still learned a lot from The Wait and chatting with DeVon and Meagan.
There are so many hopes and dreams that I am waiting to be realized, but when we work on ourselves and make decisions from a place of peace and power, we position ourselves for God’s very best.
For more tips and tales from DeVon and Meagan’s journey to love and marriage, buy their book The Wait.
BMWK: What are you currently waiting on? And how can delaying gratification help you in the long run?