On the premiere episode of the new talk show, It’s Not You, It’s Men hosted by Tyrese Gibson and Rev Run, the topic of discussion was Sex & Sensibility – Should you have sex prior to marriage?

In this very raw and uncensored format, the host, along with their guests, shared their thoughts on the subject. I would like to share mine as well. Let’s talk about sex:

3% of the population abstains from sex prior to marriage, which means 97% of the population takes part in some form of sexual activity. People try to treat sex as a casual act, but it’s anything but casual.

Sex is a beautiful intimate experience which was created by God for marriage as a sign of the marital covenant between God, man, and woman becoming one in marriage.

Tyrese thinks differently. He believes that he needs to have sex prior to marriage to ensure that his partner is a good lover. He stated that he knew the difference between good sex and bad sex and he didn’t want to waste his time dating someone if the sex wasn’t good.

Rev. Run countered Tyrese’s comment by stating “there is no such thing as bad sex.” You just need to communicate and work at making it better.

Rev Run on the other hand agrees with the Bible that sex should be saved for marriage.  He explained that he honored God’s word and did not have sex with his wife until after marriage. He believes that because of their obedience, their relationship and family have been blessed.

I understand what Tyrese is saying in theory, but I am realist. I would prefer for Tyrese to just say he wants to have sex and not use it to quantify a potential mate. The reason for this is that most people don’t understand that no matter how wonderful sex is prior to marriage (and in marriage), if you don’t marry someone who is:

• Open to compromise
• Willing to fight for the relationship on a daily basis
• Ready to be vulnerable, transparent and accountable

Sex will be the least of your concerns because you will either be too miserable to desire sex, or you won’t be having any.  

Sex is such a small portion of marriage. Instead of focusing on sex, concentrate on your potential mate’s ability to satisfy you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, relationally and financially. And trust God that you will be sexually satisfied. Too extreme? Here is an example.

Tim and Brelyn Bowman were also guests of the show. They made national news when Brelyn proved her virginity at her wedding reception. She presented her father with a “purity certificate”—signed by a gynecologist, stating that her hymen was still intact. Many felt that Brelyn’s actions were extreme. However, what most didn’t realize is that Breyln put a 2015 twist on a biblical tradition.

In the bible, after the marriage was consummated, a couple had to prove that the bride was a virgin. During sex, a virgin’s hymen is broken, causing the shedding of blood.   The couple would take the blood stained sheets to the priest as proof of her virginity.

As you can see, Brelyn’s actions were biblically sound. She presented a purity certificate, instead of the blood stained sheets, to the priest, aka her father, Pastor Michael Freeman.

This young couple chose to trust God and not allow sex to define who they are. They avoided the sexual traps that most succumb to by following a biblical standard. They created their own relational SWAG and are helping others do the same. Rev Run described SWAG as: Saved With Amazing Grace #SavedWithAmazingGrace.

When you trust God, you avoid the sexual diseases and emotional soul ties (an emotional and physical bond) which accompany a sexual encounter. You avoid settling for a casual sexual exchange when you really desire a relationship.

You are more free because you are emotionally and mentally available to receive the person that is meant for you. Doing things God way has its benefits.

BMWK, could you abstain from having sex prior to marriage?