I’ve heard so many stories lately from people who have had what they thought were good first dates… only to never be contacted again. They get so upset because they felt like they put so much effort into the date and and yet here they are again back at square one. They wonder why this dating thing has to be so hard?!

Well the truth of the matter is that you have to realize that every person you date won’t turn into your soulmate. However, there are still some things you can do to increase your chances of that second date (and beyond!)

Ladies, here is insider knowledge on what you can do to leave him wanting more after your first date.

1. Be positive

Many of you are probably wondering what made this number one. Well, it’s because one of the things I hear most from men about their dates is that they are turned off by a woman’s negativity. You can be a ten in the looks department as well as other areas.  But if you have negative energy, men will flee.

If you have negative energy, men will flee.

If your conversation is about how bad the world is or how bad dating is or how bad your life is at the moment, then I’m here to tell you that no man wants to sign up for that! Men don’t want to walk into a relationship with the deck stacked against them or having to break down a bunch of walls you’ve built up from your past. Be conscious and honest with yourself about this.  If you aren’t in a positive space, then reconsider dating. Good spirits are contagious and your positive aura is definitely enough for a guy to want that second date with you.

2. Be an active participant

Many men have told me that the one thing they hate on a date, almost more than anything else, is having to pull teeth in order to get anything out of a woman. It’s a massive turnoff when it seems like she is there as a favor to him and not because she really wants to get to know him. The foundation of any relationship is reciprocation, so don’t make the date just about you.

Offer to help with any planning, ask him questions about himself, offer to pick up the check (it won’t break your bank!), and most of all make it a conversation and not an interview. A man who really wants to make the date work will probably lead the way with planning and with picking up the check, but the kind gesture will at least make reciprocation the foundation.

READ: First Date Deal Breakers That Drive Men Away And How To Avoid Them

3. Utilize your feminine energy

I’ve had many of men tell me that their deal breaker for a woman was how HARD she came off on the date. Meaning, she was trying so hard to prove how tough she was that he couldn’t get to her softer side.

Nothing is sexier than a woman who exudes feminine energy. You know that flirtatious vibe, that subtle soft touch on the hand, that soul penetrating smile, and that slight movement placing the hair behind the ear so he can see your face. YES, that feminine energy is something serious and it makes men weak!

4. Look stunning and smell amazing

Some ladies say “if he can’t accept me at my worst, then he doesn’t deserve me at my best.” Well can you please not make that your mantra for the first date?! You wouldn’t go into an interview half-stepping, so don’t go on your dates half-stepping.

You wouldn’t go into an interview half-stepping, so don’t go on your dates half-stepping.

Be conscious of your appearance and remember that when you look good, you feel good…but you also want to be comfortable. And always remember that your distinct scent will follow that man from the time you arrive until after you leave. Stay on his mind even post-date with your signature scent!

5. Let your personality shine

I’ve been on a date with someone who was a stick in the mud and it wasn’t fun at all. Playing it cool and being extra conservative might be your first class ticket to no call back. Oftentimes, we have a tendency to want to hold back and be extra reserved on first dates. I’m not saying you should be over the top or over share, but at least let your personality shine through. Don’t turn it into an awkward and boring exchange just because you don’t want to “show your hand.” If you’re having fun, let that be known! Nothing replaces a good sense of humor and genuine smiles. Dates are least awkward when people allow themselves to be themselves.

Finally, understand that sometimes no matter how much you do, there still may not be a second date. Sometimes it’s just not a good fit or the right situation and you have to be okay with that. But this list will allow you to feel good when the date is over because you put your best foot forward!