Sometimes, good-bye is really just “see you later” (after I get over the anger you caused.) And at other times, it really is the final “farewell.” Knowing when to part ways is a necessary part of the dating process in order to arrive at a healthy relationship with someone who shares the same values, qualities, and other foundational principles needed for compatibility.
Here are five bad reasons to return to a bad relationship.
Excuse #1 – Time Invested
“I have too much time invested to just walk away.” What does time invested really mean? The flip side that is never wagered is “I have wasted too much time to keep pouring more time into a relationship that has proven itself to be not worth the continuance of even more time.” Cut your losses. Move on.
Excuse #2 – He Needs Me
That which is needed, be it person place or thing, will be held in the highest regard as a sign of the value it holds with those that treasure its gift. The question becomes “Does he need you or do you have a need of feeling needed?” Don’t confuse the two and just let go.
Excuse #3 – He Apologized
An apology, whether sincere or not, in and of itself is not a good reason to return to a bad relationship. Imagine fleeing your home as flames destroy it from within. Firemen will put out the fire, but you would never even think of returning to a fire/water damaged home upon knowing that the fire has been doused.
You know that stopping the flames alone does not repair the damage caused by the flames or the damage caused by the water used to stop the fire. An apology, though an honest admission of guilt, may be a great first step down a long road back home or depending on the severity and how many times history has repeated itself in occurrences, may be words to end on when you’ve seen more than enough to know that your future with him is staring you in the face and it’s not what you want to experience on an ongoing basis in your life.
Excuse #4 – Deep Inside I Know He Loves Me
If his love is hidden so deep inside that he can’t find it when it’s time to make a decision that actually supports his claim to love you, it’s not worth the time it would take you to say it and far less worth the time it took me to write it.
When someone loves you, there should be no need to send out a search party to find the behavior that represents that love. It should be self-evident in their behavior. Love is a behavior and not a phrase to redeem us after we have transgressed the very meaning of “I love you.”
Excuse #5 – Not Many Good Men Left
Operating from a fear-based, insecurity-induced place of scarcity instead of abundance will almost always lead to catastrophic results. The (erroneous) notion of lack is not a good reason to make a poor choice.
The world has been endowed, by the Creator, with all that you need to fulfill the purpose for which you were created. This includes love.
There is neither good reason nor justification for choosing to return to a relationship that has given you ample reasons to leave, but no good reason to return back to that which you left and remains unchanged. If you left, it’s arguable that this may not be a good man. Otherwise, you would never have left, right?
One Good Reason
The only good reason to return to a relationship that you left is when that which caused you to leave has been rectified. Growth and maturity change people in noticeable ways. Life and love provide many challenges, which seen another in a better way, are opportunities to grow.
Growth requires the discipline to do that which is not familiar which is a challenge that most will not even give themselves the opportunity to fail at. It’s easier to take the common path of least resistance to arrive at familiarity.
Unfortunately, familiarity does not always breed contempt. It most often provides a place of comfort for those unwilling to put in the work to achieve the life and love they want.
BMWK, are you staying in a bad relationship for no good reason?