Note: this post is a generalization and does not represent all men or all women.
I recently hosted a real talk relationship series, and there was one proverbial question, which was asked repeatedly by female attendees:
What do men want?
We all know that there is a divide between the sexes. However, when it comes to relationships, there is a major disconnect that hinges on one-word: communication.
Most women communicate a little too much, and most men communicate too little. And the very lack of communication causes anguish, arguments and frustration in relationships, where it need not be.
Most women are confused as to what men really want. This is likely because their actions often don’t align with their message. Men say they want a relationship, but those very ones do very little to make that desire a reality.
If you haven’t met the right person, that’s understandable. But when you’ve met someone who’s extremely compatible, and you enjoy each other’s company, why not let your feelings be known? Why not express your feelings or desire for the next step in the relationship?
Usually at this juncture of the relationship, some men rather play games rather than stating how they really feel (i.e. interested, but not ready to be monogamous). Instead of honesty, some men will keep the woman interested by doing just enough to keep her holding on until he is ready to make his next move.
The flip side is when a man appears to really like a woman, and they become a bit too close. Instead of saying, I want to take it slow; he starts to back off from the relationship. For example, he will suddenly become too busy, calls and text messages are nonexistent; he causes necessary arguments in an effort to frustrate the relationship; or he will literally walk away and disappear.
Some women have attributed this behavior to the fact that the man cares for the individual, but he is afraid. I don’t agree; to me that is just an excuse and an easy out. I believe that being transparent and vulnerable is scary. But we all have to take a chance in order to find love. However, I don’t believe that a grown man has a problem communicating his feelings.
When women use that argument with me, my rebuttable is: “Was he afraid to ask you for sex?” I believe if he is secure enough to ask for sex, he is secure enough to define the relationship and communicate his feelings.
When I share these issues with men, they quickly attribute this cowardice behavior to the fact that women are dealing with boys and not real men. I hear that argument and can offer a little credence toward it. However, if that’s the case, then it appears as if 90 percent of all women are dealing with boys. And I refuse to believe that statistic.
I have more faith in men than that simple explanation. However, if it is true, then what are the mature men doing to help end this foolishness? Are they taking the time to educate, father, mentor and hold the immature men to a level of accountability? The games are unnecessary and need to end.
Men, please help women out by commenting below and let them know what you really want in a relationship. And ladies, PLEASE stop giving men an out. If you want to know the status of your relationship, ASK HIM. If his actions and words don’t line up then dump him. You must value your time and your self-worth. If you don’t, you will constantly be disappointed.
BMWK, please help the single ladies out. What do men really want in a relationship?