Well, if he’s 40, never married and no kids, he’s likely to want a woman who wants to have kids. Maybe even lots of them.
Yes, he’s judging you entirely by your age. You may be beautiful, successful and a great partner, but he doesn’t consider you first because in his mind, you probably can’t have children, unless you start right away (and some men don’t want that).
Now before you get upset that men are judging you for your age and fertility, let me remind you that you’re judging them as well. There are men in their 40s who don’t want kids. But many of them are in categories YOU don’t find attractive.
• Single father (with young kids).
• Divorced.
• Less educated or successful as you.
• His belly may be flabbier than you’d like or he may have less hair than you imagined.
These are the guys who are actively looking for you, but you don’t want to date them.
What should you do?
Well you could do 1 of 2 things:
1) Get frustrated, angry and give up on relationships because your blueprint of how things are supposed to work out didn’t happen.
2) Change your blueprint.
What does #2 look like in real life?
- You can either look for a man in your peer group who wants to adopt kids or who doesn’t want kids at all. That may take quite a bit of work and effort, but it’s possible.
- You could open yourself up to meeting men who are divorced and/or who have kids.
- Or you can adjust who you’re looking for. Make little tweaks in the categories of age, location, income, and/or educational level.
For example, an older man, maybe in his 50s, may not be so focused on having kids. He may have them already and might be looking for someone who doesn’t have kids or who isn’t feeling pressured to start a family.
You may feel like an older man reminds you of your father, and you never imagined you’d have to marry someone like that. However, you probably didn’t imagine you’d still be single at 40 either, right?
There’s no expiration date on love, sister. So although your original plan hasn’t happened yet, you can still be fulfilled, happy, and married. It all starts with getting a new perspective and focusing on what you need in a relationship (not just what you want!)
Ultimately, you should look for the people who are looking for you, focus more on the core values you’ll share with your Mr. Right and stress less over how old he is. You’ll increase your options and your odds of being found by the man who will cherish and adore you!
BMWK: Are you dating over 40? What’s your greatest challenge?
There is no “formula” to dating at any age. The key is the same regardless of age group – find someone who wants the same things you do and is willing to do whatever it takes to have them.
I am 46 and my friend is 48. We get along well with her having four kids and I have two children from previous marriage. She wants to pursue walk in Christ she pushes me away. We both care about each other. Man need advice to overcome feeling pushed away. We still date and go out.
I am 41 and I am engaged to man 42. We will be a blended family. My advice is to be open and look beyond the surface. I wasn’t looking for him and when I met him he was a “nice guy” but not necessarily what I considered “my type”. I stayed open though because I loved our conversations and shared values. I encountered all the problems mentioned when dating before (guys who didn’t like kids, weren’t serious etc.). The more we became friends I realized he was everything I needed and a lot of what I wanted. I got it just in a different package than expected. Had I not “tweeked” my thinking (I.e he didn’t have a college degree but makes a great living in the Trades) I would have passed up great guy. Good luck, continue to be you and she’ll show up when you least expect it.
Great words of advice, ” TWEEKING” helps you Keep a great guy….
Well thanks, Terri for the profound words of advice.
To be Open and look beyond the surface.
” I wasn’t looking for him and when I met him he was a “nice guy” but not necessarily what I considered ” My type”
I revised the idea of “my type” to think outside the box, helped me obtain a great
guy…
I did stay open through because he listens and desired to know and grow with me…
He showed up when I least expected it…
Had I not “tweeked” “My thinking out loud approach. I might have bypassed a great guy……
Congrats Terri, on your engagement….
I’m a divorced 49 year old woman who has been heart broken to the point where I sometimes feel that I have no respect for a man anymore, I don’t want to feel this way but I do, I now spend time spoiling myself instead of others, I’m getting to know me for the first time in my life, I really like me now and I’m no longer looking for anyone to give their opinions on whatever I do, my relationship with God is great and I am in a good place for now, just wanted to share.
We are the same age and after my divorce my heart got.very hard but I have learned to soften my heart and it is okay to date and enjoy the company of a man and.still manage to love yourself. I am getting ready for my next journey as I relocate again in three years Chicago to Houston to Arizona life is all about making moments.
I am a vibrant, educated, intellegent 65 year old, I am told often I don’t look anywhere near my age and I don’t. Still active and on the go the dating commitment pool in my age group is even worse. I don’t have any junk, and don’t come off as having any. Love this article nevertheless I wonder about the men in my age group and or late fifties, but I still have hope.
Soooo according to this article, if you’re a 40 year old woman who wants children of her own you’re just out of luck.
this article is bs.
Hi Curvy, no that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying you’ll have to expand your ideas of how your dreams will come true. I’m also saying you’ll need to understand the male perspective. All men in your dating pool aren’t thinking this way, but many are. If you go into dating understanding this, it’ll be easier.