Are you about to cancel your subscription to your online dating site? Or, are you scared to even try online dating in the first place because of all the horror stories you’ve heard from your friends? Maybe you’ve heard news reports that online dating doesn’t work for Black women.
If you’ve been having a hard time meeting high-quality men online, you’re probably making one of these top 5 mistakes.
1) You’re Using Bad Photos
Studies show you have about 3 seconds to catch the attention of the right person who is scanning through all the profiles online. You should avoid using selfies you took in your bathroom mirror or your car. You should also avoid group photos because you don’t want a man to be confused (or distracted by your equally attractive girlfriend!)
Instead of selfies you should invest in professional photos! I like to send my clients to services that specialize in taking dating photos. These photographers use the right lighting, suggest the best wardrobe and style choices, and give you amazing pictures that reveal your personality so that you’re seen as a high-quality woman who attracts great men.
2) You’re Waiting for Men to Contact You First
One of the most common complaints I hear from sisters is their inbox is full of men they’d NEVER date in real life. Guys who look like ex-convicts or who remind them of their elderly uncle seem to be the only ones paying them any attention. Meanwhile, the men they’d love to talk to never even send a wink!
Let me tell you what I tell them. You have to make the first move! Now I know you’re old-school and you’d rather have a man show you that he’s interested by sending you an email first, but it doesn’t work that way online. The way many men set up their profiles, you might not be showing up in his daily matches! If you’re not on his radar, he’s not going to email you.
Send a first email to get the conversation started. Once you’ve got his attention, you can let him pursue you.
3) You Don’t Screen Men Before a Date
The longer you stay online chatting with a man, the least likely you are to actually meet him and date him. However, that doesn’t mean you should agree to go on a date after a few text messages.
You need to screen each man before you agree to go out with him. Start by looking at his profile. If he says he’s interested in casual dating or friendship and you want marriage, you shouldn’t even waste your time emailing him!
If you screen guys correctly, you’ll have fewer bad dates and you won’t get so exhausted by online dating.
4) You Put Everything You Don’t Want in a Man in Your Profile
You’re probably sick and tired of the wrong men writing you. You’ve had enough bad dates to last a lifetime and you just don’t want to waste your time anymore. So when the dating site asks you what you want in a man, you spend all 500 characters telling the wrong men not to even bother talking to you. You may say things like, “If you don’t love Jesus, don’t have a job or you’re married, just keep it moving!”
The problem is the wrong guys are still going to write to you and all your negativity will send red flags to the right guys! Just ignore the wrong guys and focus on attracting the right ones.
5) You Quit Because You’re Discouraged
The biggest mistake you can make in online dating is quitting! If you change your approach to how you date, you’ll have a better experience and feel more positive about online dating. You can’t just put up a profile and hope for the best. You have to have a plan and strategically position yourself as the one-of-a-kind woman Mr. Right can’t resist!
BMWK, have you made any of these mistakes in online dating?
When I read articles like this, I think of all the contradictions. As singles, you read one article that says “don’t pursue men”, “get off that dating site, and wait for God and do His works”, “get out and date”. Everyone is saying something different lol. Ultimately, it has people going in circles and being frustrated (especially women who are emotional by nature)
Living in NYC, online dating is big because of the constant hustle, but I’ve tried it 3 times with no success. I was strategic and always stayed positive. I’m still positive, but I’m putting more focus on God and not really pursuing like before. Let’s face it, it’s exhausting and expensive! And for a lot of men (at least in NYC from my experience), it’s a game to them.
An article about pushing through the emotional roller coaster of dating would be great! I had to take a break lol
Hey Adrina,
I don’t teach that women should sit around and wait, girl. I teach smart, successful sisters how to position themselves to be found so that the right man will approach you, court you, and marry you.
There are ups & downs to dating and online dating, which is why I teach how to makeover your online dating site. You have to use it as a tool. You should also check out Meld, a dating app for professional Black singles. They’re really growing in NYC!
You can connect with me on my blog for more tips. https://BlackLoveMatchmaker.com
Hey Adrina,
I know this may be a bit far fetched, but my suggestion is to possibly consider moving further south, or to New Jersey or Philly.
Or try to meet men Not originally from NYC, and men who haven’t lived there for very long.
My suggestion is to make a list of exactly the type of man u want and need. Make your list as detailed as possible. Don’t make it full of just superficial things, like him being tall, dark or light-skinned, making a certain amount, or driving a certain car.
But make it detailed like what you would want him to do for you on a daily basis; and how you want him to treat you, and how you want him to love you. For ex, if you want flowers more often than just Valentines day and your birthday, or if you want him to rub your feet after you’ve had a hard day, or love you enough to not be embarrassed to get your tampons for you, and if you want him to be able to cook you a nice meal once in a while.
Then ask questions that revolve around what you want and need from a man on a regular basis to be happy.
Go to different parts of NYC; ie Brooklyn, Manhattan, Staten Island. Try joining http://www.meetup.com in NYC. Or join a dating site called How About We. Btw, meetup.com is a social networking site, Not a dating site. And go places that are of interests to you. For ex if you enjoy art, go to sipping and painting events and/or art galleries. Sometimes go places and do things Alone. I’ve met some really cool people going places by myself. If u want something quality that’s completely free, OkCupid is pretty good. It has a lengthy question and answer part much like EHarmony.
Good luck to you 🙂