The relational dysfunction, betrayal, and cowardice displayed in the season premiere of “Being Mary Jane” is hard to fathom. One of the most poignant scenes, is a dialogue between Mary Jane and her younger brother, PJ.
During this discourse, PJ was the mirror and the truth that Mary Jane needed to confront her feelings regarding her ex, David, and the decisions she’s made for her life.
We all could use some of PJ’s harsh truth to face the bitter reality of our relationships. Here are a few lessons we can take-a-way from this week’s episode:
Slap #1: Determine what you really want in a relationship and require it
What do you really want in your relationship? When Mary Jane’s father learned that his wife had fallen, he rushed to be by her side. He was oblivious to his wounded daughter. His main concern was taking care of his wife.
After witnessing her father’s behavior, Mary Jane had to admit that she wanted a man to love and care for her in the same manner.
Tip: She had to acknowledge that she had the right expectation but it was from the wrong man.
Slap #2: Leave the “silver spoon and pretty men” alone
First, let me explain these terms: a pretty man is an attractive man who never had to work hard for a woman. A man who had a privileged life is a “silver spoon” man. According to PJ, these types of men know how to love you, but don’t know how to fight for you or be there for you.
When everything comes easy to a man, the last thing that he is cut out to do is fight for a difficult woman – a woman who is beautifully complicated and complex.
Everything has always been given to them, so they have never been required to do anything but exist.
Tip: Stop getting caught up in the aesthetics and examine a man’s overall character instead.
Slap #3: Don’t settle out of loneliness
Women are beautiful and created to be desired.
Tip: Choose a man who will desire you and honor your beauty instead of one who tolerates you and acts as if he is doing you a favor by allowing you to be in his presence.
Slap #4: Beware of Bustas
Recognize when you have fallen for someone who is not worthy of you. Acknowledge your mistakes, grieve the relationship and move on.
Tip: The one who is worthy of you is looking for you and willing to do the work to keep you.
Slap #5: Evaluate your relationships
Mary Jane is at home recovering from a car wreck and major surgery. The only person there to help her outside of family is her housekeeper. A few people have sent text messages and flowers, but she is still alone. Where are her friends? Who is there to take care of Mary Jane?
Over the past season, we have seen Mary Jane take care of everyone else. Now, when she needs love and attention, the people are few and far between. Examine your relationships and determine if they are genuine relationships or obligations.
Tip: If the relationship is an obligation, then cut it loose. If it’s a genuine relationship, nurture it and work on making it stronger.
Slap #6: Establish boundaries in your relationships
Mary Jane has been hit with the ultimate double betrayal – her ex, David, had sex with her friend Lisa. As devastating as this betrayal is, it’s a great reminder to establish boundaries in your relationships.
It is a sad commentary when you have to outline certain expectations in your friendships. However, times have changed and quite a few people have an every man or woman for themselves mentality. Most relationships have an understood, unspoken code which states: “Don’t have sex with or date your friend’s ex.”
However, many don’t abide by the rules. When this line has been crossed, it’s hard to forgive, restore trust and/or maintain the relationship. Choose to observe the code; it’s not worth losing a real friend.
Tip: It looks like on this season of Being Mary Jane, Mary Jane Paul will require what she desires in her relationships. No longer settling based on looks and perception; but instead focusing on who is best for Mary Jane and requiring the love she desires. It will be interesting to watch.
BMWK, what lesson did you learn from Being Mary Jane? Did you agree or disagree with any of these love lessons?