If you have a high achieving sister with a salary that is more than some two-person households combined, you may have found dating is a bit more challenging for you. So the question becomes: Should a woman date a man who makes less than she does? And what does a man REALLY think about women who may be more financially successful than he is?
I’ve asked many high quality men how they’ve felt about dating a woman who makes more than they do. These men were entrepreneurs, ministers, blue-collar workers, musicians, and celebrities who were gainfully employed. They all said:
I have no problem if a sister makes more than me!
Their biggest concern was how does a woman make them feel as a man. If she holds her salary over them, acts like the boss when she’s at home, or basically one-ups him just because she’s got bank, a man will leave.
I’ve also talked to many sisters who have experienced men using them for money, being jealous the first time they saw her house or car, or trying to control how she spends her money. These money differences became a total turn off that ruined the relationship.
Money matters. Not because it’s more important than love, but because it makes you more of who you are! It has an interesting way of revealing what’s in a person’s heart, what her priorities are and how he views the world. So if you’re going to enter into an inter-class relation and make it work, there are a few things you should consider.
- How does the man define his role in a relationship? Does he like to think of himself as a provider and protector for you or is he a partner with you? How he defines manhood will impact what he expects from a woman. For example, he may be ok with you making more than him, but he may also still expect you to come home after working 14 hours and cook and clean. If he’s able to be a partner with you and take on responsibilities in the home, you may have a shot at a future marriage.
- How does the man react to discovering how much money you make? Does he immediately start asking for help? Does his body language and tone of voice reveal he’s jealous or intimidated? Does he criticize how you spend money? Or is it no big deal to him?
You could test this out before you get too involved with a man you’re dating by casually bringing up an interclass couple you know. You could even talk about a celebrity couple who has gotten a prenup to protect their individual assets. How does he respond? That will give you an indication of how he might respond to you making a similar move!
3. Can you accept him as he is, right now, without any expectation that he will change? If you’re trying to encourage him to start a business or you hope to one day build an empire with him and he’s content with his current lifestyle, you’ll open the door to conflict and resentment in your relationship. Do not date for potential. Period.
4. Are you ok going on dates that he can afford? Think about this: You may be able to eat at fancy restaurants, fly first class and spend $100 bills like they’re only $10 bills, but to expect him to do this for two people may be unrealistic.
5. Does he willingly meet your needs (and I’m not talking about your need for luxury)? Can he provide emotional and spiritual support or is there too much drama that distracts you from what you’re trying to accomplish? A man can meet your needs in more than just one way!
Interclass relationships are becoming commonplace as women continue graduating from college at higher rates than men. Chances are you could fall in love with a man who makes less than you do! You’ll have to decide if you can make it work.
BMWK, what do you think? Should women date men who make less than they do? Share your thoughts!