With so much buzz surrounding the 3rd season of BET’s Being Mary Jane, I decided to play catch up and binge watch previous episodes on Netflix. I was never a fan of the show, however, I figured I would give it another try.
After my binge I am still not a fan, however there are a lot of lessons we can learn from this show. Here are the top 3 relationship tips we can learn from Pauletta “Letta” Patterson aka Mary Jane Paul.
Establish Your Deal Breakers
Mary Jane’s true desire is to be married and have a family. However she constantly connects with men who aren’t ready to pursue that path. Instead of continually wasting emotional energy, Mary Jane and many others could benefit from establishing deal breakers.
Deal breakers are your must have non-negotiable items in a relationship. If the person isn’t on board with your deal breakers, then you don’t pursue the relationship. For example, if you desire to be married and the person you are dating has no desire to be married, why are you wasting your time and emotions with this person?
Walk away and free yourself to meet someone who has the same desire. Stop wasting time and energy trying to change someone’s mind. You won’t. Don’t SETTLE. When you do, you miss the opportunity to have what you truly want.
Believe Your Own Hype
While reminiscing over her embarrassing behavior during a failed relationship, Mary Jane’s brother Paul gives her a quick reality check. Paul explained to Mary Jane that she was better than what she was tolerating and attracting. He stated:
One day you will actually believe that you are the baddest chick in the game like you purport to be, and your life is going to get better. Watch.
Most people talk a good game but at the end of the day they settle for less than their true desires. Is it possible that they don’t believe their own hype. Prior to entering a relationship, work on yourself by building your confidence and self-esteem. When you truly believe in the greatness of who you are and what you have to offer, you won’t settle for less. You will require more.
Mary Jane has taken on the role of savior in her family. Her actions are a cause of constant frustration and friction within the family. If she were honest with herself, Mary Jane would realize that she needs to stop trying to save everyone else and save herself.
Your genuine heart’s desire might be to help others, but sometimes you have to let people find their own way. There are times when people need to crash and burn in order to learn the lessons on their own.
If you have a giving nature, give yourself permission to say no and mean it. Understand that people have to deal with the consequences of their choices.
It’s the only way in which they will learn and grow. Make sure your desire to help others isn’t an excuse not to deal with your own issues. Choose to face your challenges and save yourself.
These 3 issues boil down to transparency, communication and accountability. When you are able to effectively implement these key areas into your life, you will be able to do the same in your relationships.
By being transparent and communicating your deal breakers, you are holding yourself accountable. As a result of putting yourself first, you are demonstrating your self-worth and requiring what you want. In doing so, you will attract what you desire. You are worth the wait!
BMWK, What are your non-negotiable deal breakers?