After a long day by both of us, my husband and I collapsed into the bed, exhausted. It was almost midnight, and I know my husband was tired from doing the whole dinner-bath-bedtime routine that he takes over when I have class at night. My head was throbbing from being too tired and not getting enough sleep the night before.
He had just gotten into the bed and was already drifting toward some deep sleep. I leaned in close and put my head on his pillow. He opened one eye and smiled at me.
I stroked his arm and said, “You know I appreciate you for all that you do for us.”
He smiled wider.
“I know it’s not easy being you, but I do notice all the effort you put into this family. I’m glad you’re here,” I said.
It was just that simple. From time to time, I make sure to stop what I’m doing, ask my husband to stop what he’s doing and focus on my words.
“I love you.”
“I need you.”
“Thank you.”
Usually, after one of these moments of appreciation, I can almost see his stress levels drop and he’s able to walk a little lighter.
We all want that validation that our spouse *sees* us, that they understand that what we do every day is not easy, but they appreciate us making that effort. Don’t get so caught up in the day-to-day business that you miss out on little opportunities to connect.
Go home today and make it a point to give your spouse a hug if you normally don’t. Kiss your wife/husband on the cheek and tell them that dinner was wonderful; thank her/him for making it. Throw on a slow song and dance in the living room together. Give them a massage before you head to sleep. Make sure they know that no matter how much is going on, you remain committed to them through it all.
What’s your favorite way to show your spouse that they are something special to you?
Wow, this article was beautiful. And I have to say that when children see this type of appreciation between their parents it also encourages them to do the same. To appreciate what their parents do for them and to appreciate what others do so I really enjoyed reading this article. Thank you for writing it because it really is important and I think so many marriages don’t do well simply because there is such a lack of appreciation. Such a simple step and yet it’s so easy to forget. Thank you for this!
Thank you for reading! My kids (like all kids, I suppose) see EVERYTHING we do and they ask questions. “Why did you kiss Mommy?” “Mommy, why do you make Daddy’s plate for him?” “Stop hugging my Mommy!” (that’s my son..lol)
I wholeheartedly agree! The quick ‘thanks for bringing the trash can in” brings a smile to hubby’s face. The “you’re absolutely right honey” or “your father has spoken, don’t ask me!!!” makes him almost giddy.
Showing appreciation (and solidarity) are keys to a long-lasting and fullfilling marriage.
@Pat – Exactly! Appreciation is key!
The little things!
What a great article & great reminder that it’s the little things that make the difference. Great comments, too! 🙂
Aww I want somebody to say this to….
Me too…
I love this. I just hope my next mate can appreciate it and not make it about sex every time I try to connect with him. That’s a real turn OFF. My old one couldn’t distinguish between the two.
My husband was too tired to be thinking about sex. LOL
I had a mate like that… and I agree it was a true turn- off!!
Exactly!!!
Awwww this is beautiful… will definitely incorporate this in my (future marriage).
Appreciation does make people work harder and do better.
Thanks for sharing.
Lovely article. You asked what way do we show appreciation to our spouse. For Valentine’s Day last year I gave my husband a small mailbox with a flag which I told him to check periodically. It’s prominently fixed on a self in his man cave and screams ‘leave me a note’. So I oblige! I leave him notes. Some racy. Some just to say i appreciate how hard he works for his family. When he’s been good on his diet I leave him his favorite candy. He smiles for days!
That.is.an.awesome.idea. I’m stealing it!
Little words of appreciation can make the biggest impact!!! Great article!!!
Little words of appreciation can make the biggest impact!!! Great article!!!
This is marriage 101….appreciate one another…daily.
So..sweet..! It the little things that are really big things. I must do this more…!!! Love it!
Last week I gave my boyfriend a card saying the same thing. Out of the blue and just because. He truly appreciated it.
@Kelly – And it’s so true that you get what you give! Being good to our partners can only lead to good things, believe me.
Nice article. Too many people take their significant others for granted. A little appreciation goes a long way and its a sign of thoughtfulness that isn’t self centered. Though I am not married yet, I have been in relationships with women who were on both ends of the spectrum. The one who showed her appreciation motivated me to keep giving of my heart, time, and resources while the one who took me for granted wasn’t around for long.
So simple. So true. Good advice.
Sometimes the best advice is really simple 😉
Wow. This really shines a light on a lot of things.
I’ve been trying more to let my husband know how I feel and how much I appreciate him. If he does something as small as doing the dishes, I thank him with more than just “thanks boo”. I’ll say it like I mean it: “thanks for doing the dishes babe, I really appreciate it”. I can tell it makes him feel better, and I feel better too because I really mean it. I’ve been saying “I love you” more too. I don’t want to go 1 day without saying it.
@Briana – Sometimes if you stop, and really think about it, you’ll see that your mate is so helpful in your life in so many ways. I’m glad my husband is there to load the dishwasher. LOL.
this is so amazing, because i get excited about the little things. right now my husband is working nights, and it’s so funny because i can’t go to sleep until i know he’s made it home safely. i love it when my husband tells me he appreciates me for all i do and vice versa.
I do that too when my husband works late! I can tell he appreciates it, since anyone who knows me knows I need my sleep! 🙂
This was a beautiful post. Single as I may be, when dating, I felt and learned that the little tokens of appreciation go a long way compared to extravagant gifts. A heartfelt thank you note or card just saying how much you value them where they are with you can make anyone’s heart smile. I read the comments and most were just as great as the post. One day, I’ll be able to put these words into action. 🙂
Excellent article Tara! 🙂 The greatest gift you can give a man is your happiness! We live to make our woman happy and when she appreciates us that means validation. Otherwise we feel like failures. You see, a man may yell at you get upset, and show other types of emotions when at the core, he simply feels like he can not make you happy. He has failed!!!! Appreciation and a smile can do wonders for a troubled relationship. Try it on for while and you will see.
I know there was a point in my marriage where my husband honestly felt like nothing he did was good enough for me. I had to learn to let go of the “Yeah, but’s” (as in, “Yeah you cut the grass, but the kids have been in here driving me crazy the whole time you were out there.”) and just embrace the “Yeah, thanks!”
Love that. I love it when couples grow because it’s so easy to point the finger in the other direction but when we examine ourselves and what we can do better it really can change the situation in ways that you may never imagine.
Very true. Once I started working on ME, the relationship improved 1000%.
You are so correct.??
Love that. I love it when couples grow because it’s so easy to point the finger in the other direction but when we examine ourselves and what we can do better it really can change the situation in ways that you may never imagine.
I love it!
Awww…I can’t wait for the day that I could say these words and show my love and appreciation to…someone to share my world with.
Awww…I can’t wait for the day that I could say these words and show my love and appreciation to…someone to share my world with.
WHATEVER it is I believe my husband needs up to and including what some evidently believe is a turnoff. It NEVER is….because it is ALL about love and appreciation and closeness…..we have SUCH a short time on this earth that all opportunities for love should be taken and celebrated….Peace and blessings to all….
we have SUCH a short time on this earth that all opportunities for love
should be taken and celebrated….Peace and blessings to all….
wonderful story!!! i agree wholeheartedly…i’m a Flight Attendant and when i’m on a trip (as i am now) my baby takes care of our boys. once we decided to go forward with this lifestyle he was adament that my happiness is what makes him satsified. i know he supports me and i support him!!! although after a long day at work, to come home with the boys…dinner, homework, baths and bedtime it’s always nice to hear i love you baby, thank you for taking such good care of us (and a little lovin’) makes a world of difference. cudos to all of the men who step up everyday, including mine. you are appreciated!!!
GREAT comment Bridgette!
Thanks so much for your post. Reminds me how such little words can be so important.
This is so very important in marriage. Thanks for the reminder.
This was useful 4 those couples that is lacking communication & appreciation~_~
Great article! I did this a few days ago and it brightened my husbands day!
What a great read! I especially love the part and I quote, “Usually, after one of these moments of appreciation, I can almost see his stress levels drop and hes able to walk a little lighter.” This is so true, our men go through so much througout the day that can easily bring them down but knowing they have someone in their corner with geninue love and admiration for them can help make all the difference.
Thank you for the reminder.
I am truly thankful and grateful for the article for it is true. In every letter,word, sentence and paragraphs. Although we as men put on our armor everyday when we step into the world, it is the reassuring words and deeds from our better half that gives us all the support and determination we need to go into battle. It doesn’t hurt to give your husband flowers just because. Watch him smile with a kind gesture. And I know from personal experience, that it matters. So please, make us first in your life after Allah. And we will do our very best each and every time in everything we do for our family. Because, our family consist of you, the children and others in that order.
I gave my husband props last night for taking care of me and the house the entire weekend. He knew I was exhausted from work and everything else I do so he let me stay in bed all weekend and relax while he cooked, cleaned etc etc. I made sure to tell him I appreciated it and loved him for all he does. Long story short, he jumped on me (smile). It does wonders for a man to know that his woman appreciates him!
After 36 years married to Barbara, thank you and I appreciate you still moves a lot of mountians.
TO TARA, THIS STORY MUST HAVE BEEN WRITTEN AFTER MY PARENTS. I HAVEN’T MISSED ONE DAY OF TELLING MY HUSBAND “I LOVE, WANT OR NEEDED HIM.” WE ARE ABOUT TO CELEBRATE OUR 25TH ANNIVERSARY IN 30 DAYS. HE HAS ME SPOIL ROTTEN THEIR IS NOTHING LEFT IN THIS WORLD I EVER NEED. THIS MAN THAT I PRAY FOR 30 YEARS AGO CAME FROM GOD WITH INSTRUCTION ON HOW TO KEEP ME HAPPY, AND IN RETURN WHEN I ASK HIM WHAT WOULD MAKE HIM HAPPY HE RESPONDED HE’S ALWAYS WANTED CHILDREN SO I GAVE HE 4. 2 YOUNG WOMEN AND 2 YOUNG MEN AND THIS MAN WORKS COME HOME CLEAN HOUSE, COOKS, WASHED CLOTHES TAKE OUT THE TRASH AND WANTS NOTHING ELSE BUT FOR ME TO LOVE HIM. I FEEL REAL BLESSED TO HAVE HIM IN MY LIFE, HE HAS MADE MY WORLD THAT USED TO BE UPSIDE DOWN, AND INSIDE OUT. RIGHT! I WORK 2 JOBS TO HAVE THE LIFE I HAVE NOW, AND IF MY HUSBAND READS THIS THANK YOU TONY I REAL LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART, SOUL AND BEING. THANK YOU FOR BEENING YOU.
Thank was a great piece of advice and i think doing that daily in our marriage would make us go the extra mile. Men love to be appreciated even during sex. thump up for you for such great words. Thanks
Im not married but those rituals still hold true..especially when the person you’re seeing is your longtime constant. When you start off doing it..you can’t go wrong. From the smallest things to the biggest things..i show him how much he is appreciated so he won’t ever wonder if he is. It is a must.
It is strange that couples are ready to compliment their friends\colleagues\relatives. But they fail to understand the beauty of appreciation in marriage. Small words of thankfulness can really change your marriage from the boring to the exciting!