“You can’t expect a woman to keep following you if you’re leading her nowhere!” I posted that message on my Facebook page last week and the sharing and liking began immediately. A part of me thought, “Wow this must have hit home with a lot of people.” But then, the coach in me started wanting to dig a little deeper.
Is there more to the story?
Maybe we need to clarify where the “nowhere” I am referring to is. Too often, when it comes to our marriages, we get so comfortable with just existing in them that we stop moving forward and we become too passive.
So, let me talk to my fellas for a minute about the areas where we need to be more conscious….
You’re not leading towards growth and ambition
A big part of security for a woman is knowing that her man has ambition, vision, a plan, and the work ethic to execute on all of it. If your actions consistently tell a woman that she can’t count on you or that you are a slacker, you can’t expect her to want to follow you. It’s not that she isn’t loyal or supportive but maybe it’s just that she wants to know that you are growing and the relationship is growing so that she can envision a family growing. A woman will move mountains for a man she knows is committed to her and who she knows has a plan.
You’re not leading the family past the struggle
While a woman will support you through the struggle, she doesn’t want to always be in the struggle. You can’t keep expecting her to follow your lead if your lead keeps headed towards being broke, stressed out, or dysfunctional. If you’re struggling in a season then get through that season. But she must feel confident that you won’t allow staying in those seasons. If you keep TALKING about what you are going to do but never follow through then eventually she will start to create her own path to survival.
You’re not leading with the kids and family
You keep saying you want to be a part of the family and the kids’ lives yet you aren’t consistent and never take any initiative. You can’t get mad at her if she stops including you if you never follow through. You must SHOW UP if you truly want to be a leader in the relationship. It doesn’t work wanting to be the “BOSS” but not wanting to do boss things.
You’re not leading her anywhere spiritually
If she is the backbone of your spiritual life or the only one putting forth spiritual effort then you can’t get upset with her if she does spiritual things without you. If she goes to church without you, prays without you, or participates in church events without you maybe it’s not that she doesn’t want to include you, maybe it’s because you show no interest.
You’re not leading in the romance department
If you continue to be BORING and take no initiative in the romance department don’t expect her to keep following you to and in the bedroom! Take that lead bro! Plan something special, do something spontaneous, and lead her to down that path of mental and physical stimulation.
Okay fellas this article wasn’t meant to be a beat up session on men but it was meant for us to step back and check ourselves. Often times, we want to be the leaders in the relationship but we aren’t doing what true leaders do. Start by taking initiative and leading by example instead of just talking without delivering. Truth is…she finds the leader in you sexy and it makes her feel secure so give her what she’s looking for!