The Washington Post recently ran an article about how the word “stepfamily” is falling out of favor in the U.S. A new poll announced that 4 out of 10 American consider themselves as part of a stepfamily but a growing number is rejecting the label altogether.
Excerpt:
Call them blended families, bonus families or para-kin. Just don’t call them stepfamilies. The term – seared into our consciousness through fairy tales and Disney movies – is falling out of favor, even as the ranks of nontraditional families are expanding.
Many therapists also shun the term, which seems to confer second-class status on a stepparent or stepsibling.
“It causes problems,” said Mary Kelly-Williams, a therapist, mother of four and stepmother of one who runs the Web site www.marriedwithbaggage.com. “We’re stuck with the language, but it doesn’t resonate with people.”
The new terminology hasn’t totally displaced the old. But many stepfamilies are groping for new ways to describe themselves at a time when half of first marriages end in divorce and four in 10 babies are born to unmarried women. As a result, children are more likely than ever to grow up around step-relatives.
BMWK family, are you in a stepfamily? Do you use that term? Does it even matter to you?
I am a stepmother to 3 but I refer to our brood of 8 as our kids. I have found even in the schools that despite them knowing that I am not the biomom they refer to me as mom and have done the same with their stepfathers. I do not separate sibings and half-siblings (which half is their sibling) amongst our children. It has been a standing joke with us about me trying to be like the stepmother in Cinderella but they know without a doubt that they are lucky to have an “extra” mom that loves them unconditionally.
I always thought this was strange, and I prefer the term blended family, if you need a term.
I refer to my nephew (techinically step nephew) as my nephew. His parents are divorcing, and I still plan to call him, and consider him my nephew. I hate divorce, because the poor kids are always the ones to suffer. I don’t agree with entering and exiting the life of a child for arbitrary reasons such as divorce, so I hope very much that I will still be able to maintain our relationship.
It does not make a difference to me because they are just titles, to me what is important is the relationship between my child and his stepfather, it needs to be healthy and there needs to be a mutual respect for one another.
Yes I part of a blended family and no we do not use the term step family. We are family, period.
Yes, I am also apart of a blended family and we do not refer to one another as “Step” anything. We teach our kids that they are siblings regardless and we are their parents and will always love and support them.
Yes, I am also apart of a blended family and we do not refer to one another as “Step” anything. We teach our kids that they are siblings regardless and we are their parents and will always love and support them.
This was an interesting post and I’m glad I’m a subscriber to your blog! I have heavy feelings about the appropriate term. I recently married and both my husband and I brought kids to the marriage. I was also a product of a remarriage so finding the right label is complicated. What I’m certain of is that the choice be made with the children’s best interest at heart. Our family structure provides a great sense of who we are and we gain confidence and self esteem if it’s done right.
I have two step daughters who live with me, and I can see what this article is saying…we do use the term “step-” but my husband and I make a point to talk to our children about our unity and no matter what anyone else has to say, we are a family regardless and they are siblings and we are their parents even though they have a biological mum or dad elsewhere. In our case it hasn’t been a major challenge yet because the absent parents are just that – absent, and hardly involved but if a day comes that the other parents become more invovled, I have already seen signs that they will play on that, oh they’re not your real siblings, etc etc. But hopefully we can build a strong enough confidence with our children while they are still young so that those types of comments cannot impact them in a major way. Also we have a very supportive community that is no stranger as a whole to blended families.
I am a step child, I have a stepfather and a stepmother. I refer to them as my step parents, simply because I know who my biological parents are, and I don’t feel comfortable calling someone other than my parents “mom’ or “dad”. My relationship with my step parents are completely opposite as well, I love being around my stepmother, while I pretty much despise my step father (no, I am not the rebellious type, but he’s just so immature, and this is coming from a 19 year old college kid). The only misunderstanding is that my stepfather refers to me as his daughter and I don’t feel comfortable with that because I always have, and always will refer to him as my stepfather (he and my mother have been together since I was in elementary school). As much as I hate being around him, I LOVE his family, because they’re absolutely nothing like him (I swear he’s adopted) and I refer to them as my aunts, uncles, grandmother, and cousins, I even call his daughter my sister. With my stepmother it’s a different story, I love her to death, and wouldn’t mind her calling me her daughter, but we have sort of a mutual unsaid agreement that I am her stepdaughter and she is my stepmother, but I have always have had respect for her. I also refer to her family as my aunt, uncles, etc. Anyway, I think it should be a mutual agreement between the children, parents, and step parents and what the children and the step parents feel comfortable with.
Well I have/had a blended family and it is a lot of work. It works best if the parents set the boundaries together so the environment could be healthy. Children are master manipulators and it can get crazy. Bringing families together are twice the work especially if your relationship with the inlaws need working.
well in my family we are simply that “family”. we do not put any handle (step/blended/whatever) on our family for the love/support/ties is what’s most important. not a label.