Updated: September 2020 Sometimes, becoming a successful, happy blended family can be a struggle. Personally, Lamar and I began with feeling blessed to desperately trying to save our relationship from totally breaking down. Thanks to God's blessings and some humility from the both of us, we were able to save our family from ruin. Here's our little story of family blessing … [Read more...]
Blend Family Week: 3 Phrases to Never Say to a Blended Family
I grew up in a blended family due to my parents marrying one another after previous marriages, then having me. They both had children from their previous marriage, which one, my older brother, lived with us. My older brother and I are literally night and day. He is 6’4, 250 lbs, and I am 5’7 140 lbs. It was very evident when you saw us together that we weren’t full blood … [Read more...]
Why Living in Blended Families was a Gift and a Curse for Me
My father has always had a tumultuous time with women. Being such, my brother and I have had the experience of being raised in a few blended families. As is true with most experiences, it was both a gift and a curse. My parents divorced after 15 years of marriage while I was six and my brother was twelve. My father retained custody of both my brother and I. After … [Read more...]
Blended Families Week: Why Good Intentions are Not Good Enough
Lamar and I just celebrated 9 years of marriage. And while I can’t say that the last nine years have gone by without any drama or trials, I can say that marrying Lamar has been one of the best decisions that I’ve made in my life. He’s not only been a blessing to me, but he has also been a blessing to my children ….our children. We were recently asked what has been one of … [Read more...]
7 Steps to a Well Blended Family
I come from a family that was so well blended I wasn't even aware that our family dynamic wasn't the norm until I was at least in high school. The term blended family was new to me. Even though my parents each came into their union with children from previous marriages, my sisters were just my sisters and mommy and daddy were just that. I distinctly remember my mother saying … [Read more...]
Another Blended Family Love Story: How My Husband Became “Daddy”
Recently, I wrote an article about my Father before he became my Daddy, where I shared my experience growing up in a blended family home. Now, I am going to share my experience as a parent allowing my spouse to raise my child. My family knew my husband’s family from church many years before we got together. My sister teased me about my him becoming my husband even before we … [Read more...]
7 Reasons Not to Hate Your Child’s Stepmom
When I found out my daughter’s dad moved on, I was devastated. It felt like someone stabbed me in the back and the heart at the same time. I yearned to pick up the phone and call her—the other woman who later became the wife. I wasn’t sure what I would say, but I was sure that the sentences would be filled with four-letter words. I didn’t dial a single digit. Although a … [Read more...]
Blended Families Week: Peeling Back the Layers of Co-Parenting
When we blend families in this generation, there is an expectation of one parent to accept the other parent’s children and vice-versa. I don’t think that’s wrong in any way, but I believe we need to look deeper than a level of acceptance. There needs to be a mutual respect and preferably a bond between a child and the other parent. As a single father, I know how important it … [Read more...]
Singles with Kids: Things to Think about Before Blending Your Family
One of the challenges we have as singles is how to deal with children in a relationship, whether those children are ours or those of our mates. It’s a delicate, sensitive issue for lots of parents, but one we have to address because our children deserve to see what healthy relationships look like. We have to be sensitive to our children’s needs and cautious about whom they are … [Read more...]
Being in a Blended Family: From a Child’s Perspective
If you're a biological parent in a blended family, you often wonder exactly what its like from the step-child's perspective. My son and I have a very close relationship and I'm always inquiring about his feelings on just about anything, especially when it comes to our family structure. If you recall, I wrote an article talking about my feelings and how I felt when it was … [Read more...]
My Husband Treats My Son Like a Step-child
For years now I've been feeling like my husband treats our son differently than he does the other kids, like a step-child. For all practical purposes, my son really is his step-son...my son is from a previous relationship and we now have two daughters together. I have, at times, criticized my husband for the way he speaks to my son. On numerous occasions, I've voiced that he … [Read more...]
Blended Families Week: How to Survive and Thrive in A Blended Family When Your Kids Live in Two Households
And so it happens that Mr. or Mrs. Right finds you, slipper in hand, and you both vow your love to each other for eternity to live in Blendedville. But on the way to Blendedville, you must first stop to pick up two, little adorable travelers that will forever be a part of your journey. What becomes immediately clear is that, although you are certain about your love for each … [Read more...]
Blended Families Week: A Great Way to Begin a Blended Family
This summer I had the great pleasure of attending a beautiful wedding ceremony for an extended family member. The couple was adorable and the event was amazing. Everything you typically see during a wedding was all in place; the beautiful flower girl (my daughter), the wedding party, the flowers and the Pastor. I was all prepared to witness what I normally do, the couples … [Read more...]
Blended Families Week: A Cord is Stronger Than a Single Thread
Providing instruction and discipline in a blended family can be very difficult (and that's an understatement.) This is a major point of contention for many blended families. When we had Blended Families Week here on the site last year, it broke my heart to read the comments from numerous people that were experiencing turmoil in their relationships because they had vastly … [Read more...]
We Are Family: Why There’s No “Half” In The Payne Household
As I dig through my life in the name of not being a hoarder spring-cleaning, I recently happened upon some paperwork from my son's high school. It was dated last year, back when he was in the 9th grade, back when we were working with his school to implement some new and innovative learning strategies for him. It listed his academic history and his family history. The academic … [Read more...]