This summer I had the great pleasure of attending a beautiful wedding ceremony for an extended family member. The couple was adorable and the event was amazing. Everything you typically see during a wedding was all in place; the beautiful flower girl (my daughter), the wedding party, the flowers and the Pastor. I was all prepared to witness what I normally do, the couples sharing their vows and being pronounced husband and wife. However, the guests received a little something extra.
You see, this couple is a blended family. Typically in these ceremonies, we don’t get to witness how the new parts of the family will be connected to this union. However, this wedding was a little bit different. The Pastor incorporated vows that included the children of each spouse.
First, each member of the new family was given a clear vase filled with different shades of sand. Next, the family was asked to combine their individual vases into a large one, combining all of the sand. This represented that each family member was merging into one family unit. After the integration of the sand, the Pastor asked each parent to grab the hand of the other spouse’s child and repeat after him. As you may have guessed, this is where many of the tears during the ceremony were shed. The parent looked into the eyes of their new step-child and shared just what the child should expect from them as their step-parent. Each step-parent shared how much they would be there to guide them and firmly declared they were never going to take the place of their biological parent; but would always be there to show love and support.
This, I thought, is how you begin a blended family. We all know how challenging it can be for parents to bring two families together and to parent a child who already has a parent. But because of our love for our new spouse, there are definite sacrifices that need to be made. The goal is to make sure every member of this new family feels needed, loved, respected and appreciated. We do that by ensuring the children are clear that the parents love for one another is enough to cover the whole family.
BMWK, what other rituals have you experienced during the ceremony of a blended family?
After out salt covenant; We played the Commodores” God Bless Our Children”, and presented each child with a symbolic cross necklace during the ceremony while the song played.
Nicole,
I love that!
I am getting married next summer, we have two kids together however my future husband has two kids from a pervious relationship. We are going to include all the kids by making them our honorary best men/bridesmaid.
We want them to feel just as much as part of the wedding as we are.
Aisha,
It’s so important for them to feel included. That’s what is needed the most when blending a family.
I wish I would have done this or something along these line because I have been married four fourteen years and my husband has older children and it breaks my heart that we never incorporated a complete circle between the entire family. God bless and truly make the children a priority
There is still opportunity to strengthen those relationships.
I absolutely love the idea of the vows with the children. I think that is great. We did the traditional unity candle. During the time where my husband and I light the middle candle, we were holding hands with his daughter. This was how we chose to show the unity of all of us. Also during the father daughter dance he dance with her as I danced with my father.
That dance sounds beautiful!
We did separate vows for our children….I had a son and my husband had a daughter…when we said our vows to them, we pinned them. I gave my daughter a crystal angel and my husband gave my son a crystal cross. I hear that people were crying….it was a serious moment for us! Didn’t quite eliminate the struggles within our family as we had hoped (just being honest) but we tried! 🙂
It’s not always easy, it’s continuous work. Sounds like a great way to begin, maybe you have to occasionally remind everyone about those vows.
My husband and I included the children in the wedding party and presented them with necklaces engraved with their name and our wedding day to signify the joining of our families into one. His ex wife was in attendance as well!
Now that is truly how you begin a blended family! Love that.
I’m a wedding planner and the groom has 3 sons from previous relationships. The sons and their daughter are in the weddings as well as a rose ceremony during the ceremony. The dad is going to dance with the daughter and step mom is dancing with the boys during the reception. Can’t wait for this wedding!
Janine,
That sounds like it is going to be a beautiful ceremony!
I did the exact same thing at my 11/25/11 wedding… Everyone that attended thought it was very unique and personable. I felt that it was necessary considering we were blending families and some of my stepkids live with of as well as my only child (daughter).
I agree Sonia, it’s so necessary to make everyone feel included.
I just got married on Saturday, and my husband made a vow to my 6 year old son. Then the 3 of us joined hands and prayed together as a family. It would have been perfect, but my husband’s son was not able to make it because he lives out of state. So I sent him pictures with a note telling him how much we missed him, and that I love him like my own son.
Beautiful!! Congratulations!!!!!
That is a beautiful. I’ve heard of the parents giving each child a necklace or a ring and also saying vows to them. Whatever the parents decided to do, I think it’s a wonderful idea to include the children.