Okay, ladies, has this every happened to you? When you talk to your man about a problem that happened to you at work, he immediately tries to offer you advice, telling you what you should have done.
Now, normally this wouldn’t be a problem, but his immediate reaction to preach/teach/counsel you is infuriating. But why?
At times, every man wants to fly in and save the woman he loves. However, his heroic efforts may often be met with misunderstanding and resistance when the woman that he seeks to save misinterprets his actions.
Here is he is—the hero—swooping down to her rescue her, only to find himself flat on his back at the hands of the very damsel he sought to save. She had no clue that he was trying to save her because she really had no need for salvation. And that’s perhaps the key.
There is a need in men to feel necessary in the life of a woman. To satisfy this need, men sometimes make the mistake of suiting up in full hero regalia, often at the wrong times. Often, a man gives the appearance of coming across as an authority on any subject that a woman raises when he may, in fact, be attempting to reassure her of his value in her life.
He is in a sense being her ‘hero” (or at least attempting to be). She is unaware that Clark Kent has dashed into a nearby phone booth and returned as Superman. More importantly, she was in no need of Superman. Clark Kent would have served her needs well.
All she needed was the attentive listening ear of her man. There were no superhuman abilities needed to satisfy her immediate needs at that moment.
Men have insecurities that often are misdiagnosed as strengths. The desire to control is not always at play in these cases, even though it may appear as such.
Men are socialized to conceal their feelings. Some men are handicapped in this area and may not even be aware of it. Men tend to express themselves by a show of power of some sort based upon these factors. The effort of a man to show a woman how much he knows is not necessarily a deliberate attempt to be overbearing or in competition with her, but it’s more likely his way of expressing himself in the most accessible means available. Of course, this is not true of every man, but it does impact some.
Ladies, the next time your man makes a feeble attempt to ‘save’ you, understand that his motives quite possibly are noble. He may just want to reassure you (as well as himself) that he is relevant in your life.
Men are powerful yet fragile and in need of assurance from their women, believe it or not. This understanding may help you better relate to your man, as men and women are uniquely different.
It may not hurt to let him know that he is all the ‘superman’ that you need every now and then. That should calm his fears and uncertainties and settle his need to be relevant. Every man needs this from time to time.
BMWK, have you ever gotten angry when your man tried to save you?