Aja Dorsey Jackson
My husband came home from playing flag football on Sunday missing a tooth. Not a side tooth, but a top row, front and center, can’t-bite-an-apple-without-it tooth. I can’t explain what I felt when I saw it, but I was somewhere between concerned, horrified, and really mad that he was about to have to spend money getting a tooth fixed. Our interaction as he was leaving to go to the emergency dentist went something like this:
Him: Ok, I’m going down there now
Me: Alright, let me know how it’s going.
Him: You’re not going to kiss me before I leave?
Me: Silence
While I did kiss him after that moment of pause, I could not help but be slightly freaked out by the fact that he did not have a tooth in the front of his mouth. While he was gone, I wondered whether they were going to actually be able to fix his tooth, or whether he would have to walk around for any period of time toothless. Thinking about it made me feel pretty shallow, but how sexy could he be to me snaggletoothed? Before I got married, there were certain qualities that I wanted in a man, and although I never thought about it, I’m sure having just one front tooth was not enough. He is my husband and I’ll love him forever, but sexy and toothless is something that it might take me a little while to put together.
Fortunately, I didn’t have to worry about it because he came home from the dentist with his tooth looking even better than before. The whole thing made me wonder though, although we married each other looking one way, we won’t look this way forever. Maybe one day he really will lose his teeth. Maybe one day I will really lose mine (although I might be suing the makers of my way too expensive, dentist grade toothbrush if that happens). Even if we do manage to keep all of our teeth, I’m sure we will continue to change over time.
We have pledged to love one another for a lifetime, but is it realistic to expect that we will stay attracted to one another through all of those changes?
I don’t know the answer to this but there is one thing that I have learned from Sunday’s experience: Have good dental coverage and take care of your teeth. You don’t want to find out what you look like without them
Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and marketing consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. She is author of the blog www.babybumping.blogspot.com. She can be reached at [email protected].
This was funny but true. Besides the whole teeth thing (how many older folks do you know who have dentures? A ton!) there’s the weight thing, the hair thing, the skin thing. Stay married long enough and you will change.
It always tickles me when I see couples who have been married for 30, 40, 50 years and look at their wedding photos and what they look like now. It’s amazing the difference you can see. Skin has lost a bit of its luster, wrinkles have set in, hair is a little thinner, that taut six-pack is more like a 2-liter, etc. But under all the changes, I can still see “them.” Obviously they remember what they used to look like but the bonds they’ve forged over time are stronger than any “Dang, honey why don’t you use some anti-aging cream?” thoughts. Either that, or the changes happened so slowly that it snuck up on them. LOL.
“I was somewhere between concerned, horrified.”
I would have to say that you were in SHOCK! As anyone would be to see someone that left out the door looking one way & came back another. The best thing about the journey of love is the growth that you experience with your mate.
@Tara had some very good points and being with my wife for 26yrs I can attest to ALL of the OUTSIDE appearance changes. As she can speak on mine. But while physical attraction is a component of getting together (being honest here). Growing together or apart is the REAL JOURNEY.
Good one.
Its rare that people think that far ahead (which may not be that far ahead, really). Some are usually too busy thinking about the “here & now”.
Ms. Jackson…
Too Funny! How true do we think about our self as well as our spouses changing over the years.
When I met my Queen years ago I was sexier, thinner, long gerry-curl an all …years went by I gained over 60 pounds. Wife never changed how she looked and acted towards me. But, I know I had to do something about the weight gain, due to one day I went down to try to pick up a quarter and I almost passed right out. Causing shortness of breath, dizzy from blood rushing to now my big fat head. Right then and their I said; to myself you’ve got to lose weight. So, over 8 months I lost 81 lbs. I’m healthier silly and sexier than ever….Plus, my wife cooks a lot healthier food now for the entire family now.
My queen for 22 yrs just has gray hair that she colors more often than not…she’s still my queen from day one.
Thank you for reading.
Aja,
Thanks for tackling this topic. Most of us must honestly admit that physical attraction was at the heart of our initial interest in our mates. As time passes — and children come along, eating habits change, and many of us become couch potatoes — the physical characteristics change. While it would be very special if we could maintain that youthful look, aging doesn’t allow that option.
All of us quickly learn in the early years of our marriage that there is much more to love when the entire relationship is considered. was asked by a young man once, “How do you stay attracted to the same person for 25 years?” This was following our 25th anniversary.
I told him that my wife was not the same person I married 25 years earlier. She had grown and matured into a much more attractive person 25 years later. Her physical appearance — and mine — had changed, but we had invested our future in helping each other to become the very best person the other could be — until death parted us. So, I was much more attracted to the mother, wife, homemaker, companion, community volunteer, wise counselor, and supporter of others that my wife had become.
Now, after 43 years of marriage, I can add grandmother, marathon runner, and sexy 60 something to the list. I can affirm that the “Attraction Factor” is a function of mutual investment in each other.
Roger Madison
Thank you Whyte, Roger, and Spenseravery for your thoughts after being married for so many years. It is encouraging to see couples that have been able to maintain that connection and attraction over time. I’m looking forward to being like you guys one day!
@Mr. Masison
You put it very well.
Mr. Madison, I should not try to type fast. It doesn’t come out well for me.
That’s funny! I love the picture for this article as well… James always tells me he loves me because I have all of my teeth. I wonder what would happen if I lose a tooth?
Mrs. Dickey if that ever happens just call me for the dentist who fixed hubby’s- You would never be able to tell!
Ok, this was hilarious and the picture – LOL! but I agree very true. I think most grown folks know that their spouse is not going to look the same as we did in our 20’s. I think it’s the extreme that might not be as appealing, everyone gains weight or may lose hair, etc., but sometimes how you “carry it” can make a difference as well…however permanent “missing” teeth in the front of your mouth is not cute – no matter who you are – love ain’t that blind. But on a serious side note, I’ll take a few missing teeth or weight gain or any other cosmetic “fix” over something more serious any day cause in the big scheme it’s not that serious.
Very good topic to make you think…
That pic is too funny, a face only a mother could love. Visual attraction is human nature. I was attracted to my hubby because of his smile(which included a mouth full of pearly whites). If he didn’t have them I would divorce him, j/k. I would make sure he got a new set ASAP. Some spouses get divored and get a new younger model. I want to grow old with my hubby not be with someone already old that looks like he could be my grandfather. Cracking up at the comments. If you can laugh at yourself you know you are having fun.
This reminds me how imperative it is to know and love the soul of your partner. I’ve been married less than 30days, but I’m way different from the 19yr old girl he met in college (and slightly is he). But it’s empowering for me to feel his attraction to a image I do nothing but complain about. But, it’s because he loves me! Now, would he love less? Of course! Lol…but knowing he stuck around when he didn’t have to and loved it enough to commit his life to it is an amazing feeling 🙂 Thx for the marital wisdom and encouragement…
There are certain qualities we expect from our spouse and looks can be a major factor, but love covers a multitude of sin and  imperfections as well.  I may be thrown off for a moment but that is when my love would kick in and say “There Goes My Baby”  Toothless and all!!!
I believe that as your love for one another grows it goes way past physical features and you are attracted to the person not just the face/ body. Â That does not mean we should ‘let ourselves go’ or not seek to please our spouses with our appearance (I’m talking to both men and women here), Â but we should be seeing more than that when we look at our spouse. Â Also Proverbs 5 tells us we should always be intoxicated be the wife of our youth (see esp. v. 18-20). Â I would say if you stop being attracted to your spouse for some reason, then that should be a red flag that causes you both to get to work on building unity!
I don’t know if it is realistic but I do believe it is possible. Mainly because we are attracted to more than just the physical features. I’m not married but my partner has known me for 25 years. I recently had major surgery and while recovering I was looking through old pictures. Of course I don’t look the same way I did 20 and 10 years ago. I was pleasantly surprised when he told me that he likes my body now even better than back then. Honestly, if I lost my sight, it’s his spirit that I would still be attracted to and he will always be beautiful to me. (yes, I said beautiful!)