Being black and married with kids is not easy. I would go as far to say being any color and married with kids isn’t easy. It is definitely a balancing act. I can remember the days when it was just my husband and I. We could get up and go when we pleased. We could buy what we wanted. No tripping over toys or changing diapers. No running to the doctor every other week. It was just so much easier.
It’s amazing how much responsibility comes with first being married. When I was single and just dating my husband, I did what I wanted. I could hang with the girls and come and go when I got ready. My money was my money. I could shop til I dropped. Get my hair done every week. And just do me. Once he got down on one knee the balancing act began.
I now had to share more of my time, space, energy and money. I now had to consider someone else’s feelings, schedule, life and values into my everyday existence. Though overwhelmingly challenging at first, I learned to balance that aspect of life with a little bit of advice from more seasoned ladies that have walked this road longer than I.
Adding kids to the mix can really make you feel like a real trapeze artist. Kids can really be taxing on a marriage. So much of what you build with your mate has to be adjusted. My husband and I had our whole world turned upside down when we found out about the triplets.
Money got funny. Change got strange. Sleep was a memory. Any clever way you could say that things got rough then that’s what it was! There were days when we would forget to eat. Things are now starting to get better as they get older but trying to figure everything out in the moment (or sometimes when its thoroughly planned) was and still is sometimes total mayhem!
It’s particularly challenging for me…trying to run a business, raise my kids, be there for my husband and all the other things I aspire to do and get a cat nap in between. I know it affects my husband just as much. The time he has to spend away from us working and being tired takes a toll on him. I know no more than I can bear would be placed on my plate so we can do this!
There are definitely days that my husband and I feel the mental and physical exhaustion and feel like giving up. However, we knew that establishing a family and maintain who we are as individuals would be tough but we are dedicated to seeing it through.
How do you balance your individuality and your family life?
I too am a mom of triplets (2 boys and 1 girl). They’re 2 1/2 now and I’m just beginning to balance my individuality and family life. Having them on schedules has greatly helped in the respect that I can now take time for myself, even if it only when they’re taking a nap. That time is just for me. My husband and I are still trying to squeeze in time for us, but that’s not always easy. Patience, prayers, and the overwhelming love and support of friends and family have made all the difference in the world in us succeeding in raising our children in a loving and nurturing home.
Wow that is amazing! My triplets are 2 1/2 and 2 boys and 1 girls. So I know you know exactly how I feel. The best of luck to you. Its a struggle everyday but well worth it when I look at my family and what I’m trying to accomplish.
I too am a mom of triplets (2 boys and 1 girl). They’re 2 1/2 now and I’m just beginning to balance my individuality and family life. Having them on schedules has greatly helped in the respect that I can now take time for myself, even if it only when they’re taking a nap. That time is just for me. My husband and I are still trying to squeeze in time for us, but that’s not always easy. Patience, prayers, and the overwhelming love and support of friends and family have made all the difference in the world in us succeeding in raising our children in a loving and nurturing home.
Ayanna, I so feel you. It’s not always easy to balance it all and I can only imagine having triplets what it must be like. I learned, just a few years ago, that in order to balance my life, some things just wont get done sometimes. I had to learn to prioritize and do what I can when I can. Those days I was full of energy, I took advantage of and got as much done as possible. Those days I was just dog tired, I did what I could. Sometimes that meant having to say no sometimes and not feel guilty either. Believe me, it does get easier.
I’m starting to see that. I feel like my plate is full whether I say no or not. LOL Thanks for the advice. I’m looking forward to the easier days ahead. =)
Ayanna, I so feel you. It’s not always easy to balance it all and I can only imagine having triplets what it must be like. I learned, just a few years ago, that in order to balance my life, some things just wont get done sometimes. I had to learn to prioritize and do what I can when I can. Those days I was full of energy, I took advantage of and got as much done as possible. Those days I was just dog tired, I did what I could. Sometimes that meant having to say no sometimes and not feel guilty either. Believe me, it does get easier.
Great article!!! Truly summed up the story of my life in seven paragraphs…I to am married with child, and went through the same cycle u mentioned prior to marriage and kids.Its a tough transition, especially when your as young as I am, and a MAN. Honestly one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced my whole life thus far. At the end of the day, your last two paragraphs summed it all up…NO MORE THAN I CAN BEAR WILL BE PLACED ON MY PLATE SO WE CAN DO THIS and BEING DEDICATED TO SEEING IT THROUGH.I second that Mrs. Black, as long as your in the game with the right partner, things will work out. Keep up the great work!
Thanks Excel! Those words truly keep me going. You can do it!