Imagine working a full 9 to 5, coming home to prepare dinner, assisting with homework, catering to a spouse and then preparing the family for the exact same routine the next day. You’re probably thinking, “I don’t have to imagine it, that’s my life”.
For most moms and wives, this is the daily reality. Women have been holding down the family forever. It’s what we do and it comes natural for most of us. Even with that being said, we still can experience burnout. That burnout shows up in a variety of ways and can cause destruction if it isn’t managed. When the effort we put in goes without notice and we begin to feel unappreciated, the whole family better beware. No one wants to feel the wrath of a woman who is frustrated, tired and fed up. That woman is no good to anyone, especially herself.
Now it’s completely understandable to desire an occasional thank you or any sign that the family acknowledges what we do every day. However, there are certain actions some wives display that cause more harm than good. Our own happiness and feeling appreciated are at stake when we exhibit the following:
Failing to share how we feel with our spouse. If we can complain about our frustration to anyone who’ll listen, except the one it matters to most, there’s a problem. There, at least, has to be an opportunity for our spouse to take action and make corrections.
Withholding sex to get even is unfair to both partners. Being legitimately too tired for sex is understandable. Seeking ways to regain energy and asking for help when needed are the right actions to take.
Displaying a constant negative attitude. This is absolutely no way to handle frustration when we’re a grown up in a marriage. We also sometimes use those feelings as an excuse not to do better in our marriage or to snap off every chance we get. The attitude and negativity serves no other purpose than to make everyone miserable, including us. We must be solution focused.
Considering separation or divorce. Unfortunately, it is easier to walk away from a marriage than ever. We can’t allow a situation that’s fixable to completely destroy our union. If it’s not that big of a deal, let’s not make it one. Communicating our needs and working together on a solution has to happen before we even think about calling it quits.
Seeking validation from someone other than our spouse. This is exactly how most affairs begin. We must remember the grass is never as green as it seems on the other side. Real relationships have struggles. The other person may seem more appealing initially, but just wait until their stuff begins to surface. We have the power to change our situation at any time. If our marriage is important, we have to do what’s necessary to keep it thriving.
Again, moms and wives have some of the most challenging responsibilities. With all we have on our plates, who wants to ever feel unappreciated? Communicating our needs, asking for help, and taking an occasional timeout, will actually generate results that benefit the the whole family.
Checkout – Married Mamas: 8 Ways to Regain Your Sexiness and Reclaim Your Life
BMWK, what do you do when you’re feeling unappreciated?
If a husband is allowing a wife to do these things (cooking, cleaning, full responsibilities of the kids) by herself, there is a serious problem in the marriage and with the husband. Any husband with common sense can see this is too much for one person to handle on a daily basis. Women take on too much to keep a man/husband around and happy. That’s why the number one killer of women is heart disease which equals too much stress – also in the African American community the rate of hypertension and heart disease is the highest among all races of women……
Gtfoh…
What if the man does all the work around the house inside and out and the wife don’t do anything but complain about what he’s not giving her?
I think these same rules can apply to a husband as well.
Then that means your wife has serious problems. As a wife, I would never let a man do everything inside and outside of the house. Marriage is team work and if one of the players aren’t playing their position it’s time for that spouse to find another player who will play that position……….
What if is right, What if?? But since that is probably not the case, why ask. you sound like my husband who is always thinking that he does everything, yet he doesn’t do everything. my husband does on-the-surface cleaning. I do the down deep and dirty cleaning. for instance, he has never learned to aim for the toilet, so its always on the floor, running down the toilet and the sides of the toilet, does he ever clean it? NO!! Do I ever say anything about it?? NO!! I just clean it. This man has to make a statement every time he cleans. If someone calls the house he lets them know I’m cleaning, I’m washing the dishes…yadda, yadda, yadda!! Like really who cares. I clean the stuff he never touches, but you think he notices? No!! its clean and he knows he didn’t clean it but yet he does it ALL. I cook and I love cooking, I put everything into it, I don’t just throw something together, does he give it a second thought? Nope. Its just something I’m “supposed to do”! But I agree with one writer; find somebody who will help you or give you what you want, rather than be miserable & make everybody in the house miserable………….LEAVE!!
I totally agree,but is it really that easy to just leave?
Excellent article, & im a male & it can go both ways. I also like Vida Leon’s response as well.
Wow! It’s exactly how I feel! Unappreciated, playing second-fiddle to ESPN, his parents and others. I’ve expressed how I feel to him but he simply says it’s not true. Now what?
Melissa, give examples in the moment and also provide ideas for what he can do to make you feel more appreciated. Be as specific as possible.
The article is very good. Ive been married for 10 years and been together for 15 years. Long story short my wife and I didn’t know each other needs due to no communication. Well I found out she was having a 6 month affair with a co-worker. Now we are in individual and marriage counseling. We live in separate homesx i dont see my kids all the time. Worse feeling in the world. Take care of each others needs.
Brooks, I’m so sorry to hear that. I pray you two will be able to heal your marriage.
Great article as usual
Thank you Jaye!
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If i didn’t know better, I’d say we were married to the same man
We all have faults, but communication and compromise is key in any relationship especially marriage..most women try to do it all & never take the time to enjoy life or their husband. Everything doesn’t have to be done all the time the same way day in and day out..switch it up, let it go sometimes you’ll have less stress and you won’t feel such resentment. Sex often helps as well! Yes, I’m married w children and a 9-5 plus everything in between.
You are right but most things can’t be let go for another day. When kids are involved, they need routine and consistency. I feel like if my husband gave a helping hand with the kids daily routine, we would have more time to enjoy each other when the kids are happy and settled. We can’t enjoy sex with kids running around banging on the door. Yes it is okay to let somethings go but most men don’t realize if they pitch in a little more, they will have more time with their wife. I agree the woman shouldn’t have to do it all.
That’s my wife. We are separated now and everything is still my fault. Yeah because being nagged at everyday for everything and not appreciating anything means that I’m not allowed to be frustrated and upset
Are you helping your wife at home? Don’t let everything fall on her and she will be much happier.
I always share with my husband my feelings but it always fall on deaf ears. When I do tell him how I feel, he says I am nagging or I have issues. He would rather avoid any problems we have in our marriage than to help solve them. That in turn makes me think he does not care and we are drifting apart. Meanwhile, I take care of the home and kids and also listen to his feelings. I truly want someone that will care about how I feel like I care about their feelings.
JR, in addition to sharing your feelings, do you say specifically what you’d like your husband to help out with?
i and my husband were married for almost 8 years, we dont have any children but at the same time we are taking care of my husbans’s brother’s children where we treat them as my own children, everythings start from my husband affair so often, i have ask for divorce so many times but he refuse, and i ever leave him for working other place for 6 months but im return for him as he ask me to do it, and because i still love him
but he never change, affair when im working ( because he is working shift system ), and i dont know what in his mind, everytime i get him in his affair,,every time i ask for divoce, he always refuse , and because i love him, i forgive him for so many times
beside of his affair, he is an emotional person, sometimes i feel he is a selfish person, and i feel stupid because i always say Yes to him,,never say NO
im working and all my salary to support home beverage, support him to pay his car loan and all our travelling expenses and recently we are doing house renovation and its all from my money that i have save for many years, im doing this because for me as long as he is happy then i will do everything for him
im working 8am-5pm, reach home i cook and doing house work until night time, and sometimes when my cook is tasteless,,he will show his badmood face and even dont want to talk with me, but still i try to be patient and try having comunication with him even he is ignore me and walk away.
he is an unpatient man, everytime if im bit late to do his request, he will score me even when in front of his friends, even in front of my parents and my parent feels so sad about this and ask me to open my eyes, and that time i still blame my parents to not involve in my family matters
i dont know why i still like begging love from him even he is doing this to me, now i feel unappreciated even i hv put effort in his life,
i try to arrange our holiday on my cost , support him on car installment and other cost ,even when we are on holidays every year, he buy souvenirs for his affair
Now i think im surrender and i feel pity of my self and always feel guilty to my parents but i dont know what i want right now,,
please help me