Hustle means to work continuously in an energetic way to pursue a desired outcome. Hustler, on the other hand, is defined as a person that uses unscrupulous methods to get what they want.

Are you Hustling?

When you really stop to examine your relationship, are you hustling daily to ensure your relationship is one that you truly desire and deserve?

Or, are you pretending to be someone or something you’re not for your personal gain? Couples, I challenge you to look at your individual contribution as well as your mate’s contribution to the relationship to determine which role you’re playing.

In order for you to commit daily to working (hustling) toward a goal or objective, you must clearly know what the goal is, what it takes to accomplish it, what actions you are willing to take, and what you are willing to give to achieve the goal.

Knowing exactly what you need in a relationship in order to be happy and fulfilled is critical to having your best relationship.

You need to be able to clearly communicate what you need and want to your mate, and you have to be willing to listen to and understand your mate’s needs and wants as well.

Once you’re each clear on those relationship parameters, you can make it your daily practice to hustle, ensuring the needs, mission, and vision of your relationship get fulfilled. For example:

• If you know your partner’s love language, you can work continuously in an energetic way to show love to your mate in a way that is meaningful for them.
• If you have made a commitment to help your mate get healthy, you can achieve that desired outcome by shopping for healthier food options weekly, cooking at home daily, and exercising together.
• If you both touch and agree that you want to learn more about the world through travel, you can create and adhere to a budget that will allow you to travel the world.

Couples that collectively commit to the relationship hustle daily are not afraid to be vulnerable, honest, and very specific when creating goals. They are not shy about openly discussing expectations, saying specifically what they can contribute, and actually doing what they have promised to do.

These couples are not afraid of hard questions, timelines, deadlines, and hard work. Simply put they are not afraid of being held accountable by their mates.

They will ask their mate’s questions like: “Baby do you really need that new cell phone or do you want it? How will this impact our travel budget?” or “Honey, I know your schedule has been hectic this week but can you make time for me tonight? I need to make love to you.”

More importantly they’ve decided that the repercussions of not hustling daily to meet their goals will be far more detrimental to their relationship than not doing the work hustling requires.

Are you a hustler?

Now, if you have evaluated your relationship and determined that you are in fact a hustler, or are in a relationship with a hustler, you’ve got a few things floating around your relationship like:

• unmet expectations
• empty promises
• disappointment
• anger
• resentment
• discontentment
• sadness

A hustler figures out just what you are in desperate need of, then either identifies a hole that needs to be filled or preys on your weakness.

• They craftily promise just enough to stir excitement, give hope, or change your belief long enough to get what they want.
• They may promise an elusive engagement or wedding date just to ensure you stay put.
• They may promise to help you financially just to secure a place to stay.
• They may promise you faithful partnership to ensure access to your money or car.
• Heck they may even promise to help you fulfill your dreams, right after you help them realize theirs.

If negative emotions are the norm for your relationship, there is a great chance that someone is being hustled. It is easy for hustlers to enter into a relationship because the unsuspecting mate has:

1. Neglected to be specific about their needs or wants.
2. Not determined that they too deserve happiness and respect.
3. Desperately and blindly put more faith in the hustler’s words rather than their actions.
4. Failed to clearly communicate expectations and consequences.
5. Repeatedly failed to follow through on consequences when expectations were not met.

I am a firm believer that people can only do to you what you allow them to do to you. This means that the person being hustled has accountability for their happiness and relationship outcomes, even more so than the hustler.

The truth of the matter is that anything worth having requires consistent, hard work. The growth that we experience from love can be really uncomfortable, because growth takes us out of our comfort zone. But understand that while love can be uncomfortable, it should never hurt and be the source of never ending sadness and pain for you.

BMWK family, do you hustle for your relationship or are you a relationship hustler?